If He Would Have Been Faithful
by beegurl13
Summary: Sometimes life catches us off guard. It breaks our hearts, makes us question ourselves, urges to us be wild, pushes us to be brave, brings us joy we never imagined we could find. This is the story of a girl who lived a life like that. Of what she never even knew she was missing, until she found it. FAGEtastic Four entry written for WoahNow. E&B, AH, M.
1. Chapter 1

**FAGEtastic Four**

**Title: If He Would Have Been Faithful**

**Written for: WoahNow (Callie WoahNow Jordan) **

**Written By: beegurl13**

**Rating: M**

**Summary/Prompt used: _Someone lives on the coast._ **

**If you would like to see all the stories that are a part of this exchange (as well as Fage's 1, 2, & 3) visit the facebook group: ** **Fanficaholics Anon: Where Obsession Never Sleeps or add the C2 to get all the stories direct to your inbox.  
****http():()/www().()fanfiction().()net/community/Fagetastic_Four/98339/**

**A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does. What I do own is a hubby and kids that sometimes surprise me and do nice things for my birthday. I love that... :)**

**This story isn't beta'd or preread. I know, it's supposed to be, but it's not. I'm getting rebellious in my old age. :D This is a drabble-ish-like story. Some chapters will be longer, some shorter...just depends on what's happening at that moment in the story. If you've read my other drabble-ish-like stuff, you know I try really hard not to break up chapters, I like to go through whole scenes. I hope you like that. :D **

**Some of this is based on true events. Some isn't. I researched a few places, and I kinda wanna go to them now. :D **

**And now that this A/N is longer than the chapter...enjoy. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 1

My life was perfect. Amazing. Nothing like I'd hoped for, yet everything I'd ever dreamed of.

Well, it was for a while, anyway.

Sometimes things happen to us, and we don't really know why. We don't understand. Things break us, kill our spirit, and we just don't get it. But every once in a while we realize that something horrible had to happen so that something amazing could occur.

This is a story about that. It's a story about me and my life. It's about the worst thing I could ever imagine, and how it came true. And how I moved on, got over it, and found myself.

And then, in the shadow of all that sadness, something perfect was formed, created. It grew. It consumed me. And I suddenly found myself grateful for the hurt and pain I'd endured.

My name is Isabella Swan Whitlock, and this is my story.

**~*0*~**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does. I think I need something fun for this part, so this time around, I'm gonna tell you some totally random things that I own. Sound good? Okay...let's start again. **

**I don't own this. We all know who does. What I do own is all 5 seasons of the television show _ALIAS_ on dvd. I also own all of the books in the book series. And a 6 foot by 4 foot bus stop poster of Sydney from Season 4. I love that show. Seriously, have you SEEN Michael Vartan? He was my #1 before RPattz came along. I never thought he'd be replaced. He's so pretty... :)**

**Again, not beta'd. And honestly, no one but me has seen any of this story. I know, it might TOTALLY suck and be complete crap. Oh well, that's the chance you take when you get all crazy and reckless. Yeah...that's me. :)**

**Again, some real. Some not. And I'll never tell what's what, or who's who, or where's where. That's a secret... :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 2

Forks, Washington isn't the place most epic tales begin. In fact, I can't think of anything epic that's ever happened there. Well, except for the time Mrs. Cope found a bear in her kitchen.

I grew up knowing I was nothing more than average. I was fine with that. My father was the police chief, and everyone knows that when you're the cop's kid in a small town, you're treated differently. I was okay with that. Whatever.

My best friend Alice was my salvation. We'd been together since Kindergarten, and nothing had ever come between us. We never got into much trouble, and we never seemed to like the same boys. When I dated Mike Newton, who was the star quarterback, she dated Ben Cheney, who was the lead in every school play. When I tried out for cheer leading, she tried out for the choir. We complimented one another, and we were deliriously happy.

High school ended soon enough, and we left for college. The University of Washington was a big school, especially compared to Forks High. It didn't seem as scary with Alice by my side. I felt like I could conquer anything.

It was our sophomore year when I met him. He was in one of my classes, and he was so cute. His name was Jasper Whitlock, and he was smart, and funny, and interesting, and funny, and sexy, and so funny. He always made me laugh, and I loved it. Alice seemed to approve of him right away, and after only two dates, he and I were officially a couple.

I'd kissed boys before. I'd even made out with a few. But I was a virgin. It was something that I thought Alice was, too. I soon found out differently. Apparently, she and Ben had gone farther than just kissing, and she gave me lots of great pointers when I told her that Jasper and I were thinking of going all the way.

He was experienced, and I knew it. It sort of appealed to me, because I knew he would know what to do when the time came. And I did want the time to come. Soon.

We had sex after being together for a month. It was in his apartment, in his bed, and he was sweet and gentle and slow. The fire in his eyes overwhelmed me, and I just knew as I lay underneath him that I loved him.

Jasper, Alice, and I were a great team. We did everything together. Sometimes Alice brought a date, sometimes it was just the three of us. Either way, we had fun together and I was happier than I'd ever been.

Sex with Jasper was amazing. He was horny all the time, and any time that we were alone, we usually ended up screwing each others brains out. I loved it. I bought sexy underwear for him, and the feel of silk and lace against my skin made me feel beautiful and desirable. The feel of his hands on me made me feel wanton and free. When he was inside of me, I felt as though I'd been created just for him. I couldn't imagine anything more perfect.

He surprised me in the summer after our junior year when he dropped to his knee and gave me a ring. My parents weren't thrilled, but they supported me, and my father gave me away at our Christmas wedding. It was beautiful and romantic, and just like always, I had Jasper on one side of me, and Alice on the other. I said "I do" and I meant it. Becoming Isabella Whitlock was the happiest day of my life.

We lived in a little one bedroom apartment, and Alice visited several times a week. We all still had classes, but Jasper and I also worked part-time jobs. It was hard and we worked opposite shifts most days, but we tried to make time for each other.

My father's birthday was in the middle of March, and my mother begged me to come home for a visit. Jasper had to work, and he said he couldn't get time off, so I agreed to go alone. I kissed him goodbye at the door when I left, and headed out on my three hour drive to Forks.

About twenty minutes into the trip, I realized that I'd forgotten my dad's gift. I was so caught up in screwing my husband before I left, that I didn't remember to grab it from the kitchen counter. It was a specialized fishing set that I'd saved up money to buy, and I knew I had nothing else to give my dad. In my mind I could see his face as he opened it, and I couldn't let him down.

I turned around and headed home. It would add an extra hour to my travel time, but my dad was worth it. I imagined Jasper's happy smile when he saw me walk through the door. He'd probably even want to have sex again. And I knew I wouldn't deny him.

The apartment was quiet when I opened the door. I peeked in, noticing the bedroom door was half closed. I wondered if Jasper had gone back to bed since he'd worked the night before. Instead of bothering him, I headed straight for the kitchen. That's when I heard it.

Moaning_._

I paused, laughing a bit to myself over the fact that my husband was watching porn only an hour after I'd left. He was insatiable, and I wanted to jump him. I was curious about what he watched when he was alone, so I tiptoed to the bedroom door.

"Baby," I heard. It was loud, and it sounded like Jasper's voice.

I wondered if he was imagining me as he jerked off to a porn movie.

"Ahhhh, right there," another voice said, and I froze.

I knew that voice. I would know it anywhere.

"Yeah, Ali, take it," Jasper groaned, and I felt my stomach lurch into my throat.

Stepping closer to the door, my heart shattered when I saw the scene laid out before me. My husband was in my bed, naked, with my best friend writhing underneath him as he pumped into her over and over again. I watched as he kissed her and groped her breasts. I saw her legs wrapped around his waist and her hands clawing at his back.

"Oh, Jasper, yes, Baby!" she screamed, and I started to shake.

"Ali, you don't know how much I've missed you this week. I thought she'd never leave. I need to have you more than just when I'm at work, Baby."

He was screwing her while he was at work? My mind began to swim as I wondered just how long this had been going on. How had I missed it? I was such a fool.

"Tell me, Jazz. Tell me who owns you, Baby."

"You do, Ali. You own my cock, so take it hard, Baby," he mumbled as he started to push into her harder and harder.

I listened as the two of them moaned and mewed and called out to each other. I watched as they kissed and touched and grasped at one another. They were so animalistic. Sex between Jasper and I had never been that raw, that wild.

That's the point I must have finally lost control of my emotions, because I gasped, and two sets of eyes suddenly flashed to where I stood. Both were wide as saucers, and filled with horror when they realized it was me.

"Bella?" Jasper called out, his voice weak and uncertain.

"Oh no," Alice whispered.

We all remained frozen for a few seconds, then I reached forward and grabbed the door handle. I pulled it closed before turning around, getting my dad's gift, and walking out of the apartment.

I didn't look back. Not when I heard Jasper yelling my name. Not when I heard Alice calling to me from the bedroom window. Not when I saw Jasper dressed in only jeans, and running toward my car.

I sped away, with tears streaming down my cheeks.

I didn't let myself look back.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: And now we know where she got her name. :) This should be fun... :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own are three pairs of jeans, two of which are capri pants, and only one of those do I actually like. I need more clothes... :D**

**This is for FAGEtastic Four, for WhoaNow, and no one but me has seen any of it. Let's hope I don't go WAY off track and ruin it. :D You never know when I'll write a whole lot of crappy nothingness. :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 3

My phone rang seventeen times during my drive. I ignored them all. I thought about turning it off, but I wanted him to know that I knew he was calling. That I didn't want to hear whatever he had to say. Maybe that way he'd start to think about me. About what I wanted.

My mind wandered. I wondered if she was still there. I wondered if he got back into our bed with her. I wondered if he finished what they were in the middle of. I wondered if he even cared that I saw them.

By the time I reached Forks, I'd pulled over three times to throw up, and I'd cried out all my tears. Luckily it was late and I could just say I was tired after the drive and go to bed. I hoped my parents wouldn't ask too many questions.

My brother Riley was home when I got there. He brought in my suitcase and asked if I was okay. I couldn't even fake a smile, so I just said no, and went upstairs to my old room. My dad was working, but my mom was home. She tried to feed me. I didn't eat it.

Sleep didn't come that night. I tossed and turned, remembering every movement I'd seen. Remembering the way his thighs looked between hers. Remembering the way he kissed her, how their tongues tangled together. Remembering the way his hands were clasped around hers, holding them above her head on the mattress.

I did my best to muffle my sobs, but I heard my mom outside my door several times throughout the night. I would have to think of something to tell her.

I would have to think of something to tell myself.

What kind of man would do that? And to his wife of three months? And with her best friend?

Alice.

That brought on a whole new round of hysterics. How could she? She knew how much I loved him. She was my best friend. How could she do that to me? What would I do without her, now?

Morning came soon enough, and I tried to push my thoughts to the back of my mind. I would think about it later. I would get through the weekend and think about it after that. I had no idea what I would do, or where I would go. But I would think about that later.

I moped around the house all morning. My mother watched me closely. She knew something was wrong. When my dad and Riley went to pick up steaks to barbeque for dinner, my mother cornered me.

"What's wrong? And don't say nothing. I heard you crying all night. What happened?"

I just shook my head. If I tried to talk, I'd start crying again. Or I'd throw up. I didn't want to do either.

"Is something wrong with Jasper? Or your job? Did you and Jasper have a fight? Did you...oh, Isabella, are you pregnant?"

"No, mother."

The tears started.

"Baby, please. Talk to me."

"I can't, Mom. I just...I can't."

What would she think of me? Knowing that I couldn't even keep my own husband interested for three months. What a failure I was. My mind started playing over all the things I should have done. All the ways I could have been a better wife to Jasper. Obviously our love making was so bad, that he had to seek pleasure in someone else. Obviously, that was true. I watched the way he was with her. He was never like that with me. I must have been doing it wrong.

"Honey, you know you can tell me anything. I'm your mother," she gently said, pushing my hair behind my ear. "Talk to me."

"Mom...I saw them," I whispered.

"Who, Baby? Who did you see? What?"

She was getting panicked. I had to either tell her the truth, or make up a lie.

I couldn't stop the words.

"Jasper. I saw him with someone else."

My mom pulled away a bit, her eyes narrowing. "Saw him what, Baby?"

A sob shook my body. "I saw him with Alice. In our bed. He was having sex with her."

"Oh, Honey, no," she whispered, then pulled me against her chest. She did her best to shush me, to calm me. But it was no use.

"What did I do wrong? How could they hate me so much?"

"Baby, no. You didn't do anything wrong. You're sure of what you saw?"

I nodded. "They were naked. I stood in the door and watched them. I couldn't turn around. And then they saw me. I was frozen."

I felt her shake a bit. She was crying with me.

When we heard my dad's truck turn into the driveway, she pulled me behind her and led me up the stairs to the bathroom, where she closed the door and locked us in.

"I don't want your father to see this. He doesn't need to know, yet."

That was a good idea. Forks was surrounded by a lot of forest. He knew where to hide bodies. No one would ever find Jasper.

I calmed down, and my mom promised to help me figure out what to do. I felt like a five-year-old again, pleading with my mommy to fix it, to make it all better.

I knew she couldn't. I was a grown woman and this was my problem.

The only thing was, I didn't know what to do.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Yeah, I think in Bella's situation, once reality sinks in...you wonder what you did wrong, even when logically you know you did nothing wrong. I think your mind just goes there. :(**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own are two Cadbury Cream Eggs leftover from Easter. I'm trying to decide when to eat them...since I can't get anymore until next year. :D**

**Like I said before, this isn't beta'd. It isn't preread. It might be total rubbish. It might be awesome. Who knows. :D All I do know is the emotions in it are real. Or as real as I can write them. Sometimes things just don't transfer the right way from your head to the keyboard. But I'm trying. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 4

The weekend passed by quietly. My dad knew something was up, but he never asked. When Sunday evening rolled around, and I wasn't in a hurry to go back to Seattle, he got curious.

"Izzy's gonna stay with us a few more days, aren't you, Honey?" my mother said with a smile.

"Yeah, if that's okay."

"Sure. Everything alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's fine. I just wanted to visit a little longer."

My dad laughed. "Kinda surprised you're not anxious to run off back to that husband of yours, but I don't mind having you here for a while longer."

It took all of my strength not to cry. I knew I didn't fool him. I needed to come up with something soon.

"Hey Iz, how come Jasper hasn't called?" Riley asked. We were watching a movie, and my dad looked at me, waiting for an answer.

"He's working all weekend. He works nights and sleeps and studies during the day, you know that."

I hoped and prayed that Riley would drop it, and after a few remarks about lovebirds and honeymooners, he stopped. But my dad was a detective. He knew when something wasn't what it appeared to be.

Monday morning the phone rang, and my father answered it.

"Hey Izzy? The phone's for you. It's Alice."

I froze. Why would she be calling me? To rub it in my face about how much more my husband liked sex with her than with me? Had he told her how awful I was in bed? Did she want to gloat?

My dad brought me the phone. "Iz, it's Al."

I didn't reach for it. He looked at me with a strange look on his face.

"Can you just tell her I'm asleep or something? I don't want to talk to her right now," I whispered, and after a moment, he walked back to the kitchen.

"Hey Ali, she's taking a nap. I don't know what's gotten into that girl lately... Nah, I think she's stayin' a few more days... I'll tell her you called. Buh-bye."

He hung up, and I waited for the sound of approaching footsteps. It took him forty-two seconds, but then he returned to the living room. Sitting quietly on the sofa next to me, he let out a deep breath.

"Now Darlin', I know I'm just your old dad and I don't know much, but seems to me somethin's up here. I've never once known you to not take a call from Alice. And why was she callin' the house instead of your cell phone?"

I didn't answer, I just stared out the window across the room.

"You come here this weekend and you mope around and I know you've been cryin'. Then, you're in no hurry to get home to that husband of yours, and you don't even want to talk to him on the phone. I don't think I have to tell you what this looks like to me, Honey."

Tears fell down my cheeks. I didn't even try to stop them.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked. "I've seen a lot of things in my time, Iz."

"I can't," I mumbled.

He sighed again, scooting closer to me and putting his arm around my shoulders. I melted into him.

"I'm so sorry, Daddy."

"Now Isabella, what do you have to apologize for? Did you do somethin' wrong?" he asked.

"No," I whimpered.

"Did Jasper do somethin' wrong?"

I nodded. I couldn't say it. I knew he would think less of me. All the money I'd wasted on a wedding. And for nothing.

"Did Alice do somethin' wrong, too?"

I nodded again, covering my face with my hands as I began to sob.

"Oh, Honey. I'm so sorry, Bells. Are you sure?"

"I saw them," I whispered. "I forgot your present. I went back, and I saw them."

His hand rubbed up and down my arm as I cried on him.

"What did I do wrong, Daddy? Why would they do this? I don't understand."

"I don't know, Darlin'. I don't know."

For the rest of the day, I cried on my father's shoulder. I knew it made him uncomfortable, but he let me. He never judged me. He never even judged Jasper or Alice. I think he knew it wouldn't do me any good. He was just there for me, and I needed him.

A few days later, Riley finally figured it out. "I wondered why Jasper hadn't come here lookin' for you," he said. "Guess that was smart, seeing as Dad's got access to a lot of untraceable weapons. And no one would miss the creep."

Jasper tried calling my cell a few times. By that point, I'd turned it off. I didn't want to know what he had to say. I didn't want to hear him out. I didn't want anything to do with him.

As I sat in my parents house that week, and obsessed over what I'd witnessed, I made a plan. I decided what to do.

I just needed the guts to see it through.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Charlie's a good dad. I feel bad, I killed him off in my last story, and we didn't spend much time with him. I'm trying to make up for that. :)**

**A few of you have mentioned that this story reminds you of an old song from the 80's. It's called "If She Would Have Been Faithful" and it's by Chicago. I was a teenager when it came out. I've always remembered it. Listen to it... You'll see Bella's journey here. :) I'll put it in my Facebook group, if you're interested. :) (BeegurlOneThree FanFickee) Find me and I'll let you in. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a kinda large collection of Precious Moments figurines. I love them...they're so cute. :D My hubs tolerates that they live in the living room entertainment center. My kids aren't allowed to play ball in my house, needless to say. I'm the meanest mom ever. :D**

**Thanks for loving this already. It means the world to me. Bella might not do what a lot of you would, but just know this is coming from an honest place. A true place. A real place. :) That's all you need to know. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 5

It was Friday and I knew he had classes all day. I sat in my car in the parking lot, parked far enough away and at the other end of the lot. He would never see me. Especially with the moving van parked next to me. My dad and Riley waited inside of it while my mother and I waited in my car.

It had been a week. One week since I saw them. One week since my life crumbled. One week since he destroyed me.

How I wished I could go back to one week and a day ago. Just for a few minutes.

My plan was simple. Wait for Jasper to leave for school. Wait a few more minutes, in case he forgot something, then get my stuff and leave that place forever.

I saw him walk down the staircase that led to our floor, his book bag around his shoulder. He had sunglasses on. I wanted to see his blue eyes, just one more time. I'd always loved them so much. I hoped I would see some pain in them. Some regret. Some sadness. Now I'd never know.

I tried to keep my breathing steady as he got in his car and drove away. After about two minutes, I saw Riley start to get out of the truck. I rolled down my window and told him to get back in, it was too soon. Sure enough, Jasper pulled back into the lot. He parked, jumped out, ran up the stairs and it was almost a minute before he returned.

As he opened his car door, he faced my way, and he froze. My heart stopped, and I wondered if he saw me. He stepped away from the door, walking around the back of the car and straight toward me. I was starting to panic.

Then his phone rang. I heard it clear across the lot.

It was the ring he had for Alice. Or at least the one he used to have. I used to think it was so funny that he used the song "Foxy Lady" for her ring tone. He said it was a joke, a way to tease her. He lied.

I watched him answer the phone and pause, running his hand through his hair as he nodded and talked to her. Soon, he turned around and got into his car, glancing my way one more time before pulling away.

He was gone.

We made quick work of the apartment. I took everything that was mine, which wasn't a lot. The things we'd bought together, or got for our wedding, I left. I didn't want them.

After a couple of hours, and once all of my things were packed into the truck, I went back alone to say my final goodbye.

This was the place we spent our wedding night.

This was the place we dreamed about our future.

This was the place we chased each other around naked.

This was the place I thought would be happy.

This was the place my world ended.

I checked the bedroom one more time, spotting a picture on the nightstand. It was from our wedding, and I didn't want Jasper to have it. I opened the back of the frame and gasped when pictures of Jasper and Alice fell out. They were from a county fair we'd gone to, when Jasper and I were engaged. He and I had a matching photo strip. I knew it was the same night, because he had the same shirt on, and Alice had been there with us.

They must have done it while I was in line for the restroom.

He was kissing her, touching her face, smiling a smile I'd never seen him smile at me.

I took the pictures, along with our wedding picture, and went to the kitchen. Ripping our photograph in two, I left it on the counter next to the photo strip of Jasper and Alice. I grabbed a note pad and left him one more message.

_You ripped us in two. I hope she's worth it. You'll hear from my lawyer._

**~*0*~**

**A/N: No, Charlie didn't go after him. As much as he might have wanted to. He's a cop, and an honest one at that. It wouldn't have been good for him to do that. And Riley is Bella's younger brother, by about two years, so if she's 21 now, he's 19. :)**

**There are some wonderful stories posting in the FAGEtastic 4 thing. Check out the community that I listed in the Chapter 1 heading. :) But one you should really check out is from my wifey, Mrs. Robward. It's good. :)**

**The Lonely Rain - **_It's been said that the difference between love and fate is that you can fall in love with anyone, but fate will decide who you'll love in the end. Too bad Bella Swan no longer has any faith in love or in fate. "As his lips touched mine, I wondered how in the middle of a rainstorm, I felt like I was burning alive." _

**http():/www().()fanfiction().()net/s/8183634/1/The_Lonely_Rain**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a chair I designed and built in a Custom Design class once at school. We were assigned a celebrity. We had to research them, find out their measurements, and build the chair to fit their personality, as well as body. I got Miley Cyrus. It's from years ago, when she was first out and still cool. The chair's cute. I think it's like 1:8 scale or something? It's like a foot and a half tall, pink, covered in a butterfly fabric, and has pink feathers all around the edge. I kinda love it... :D Wonder if I should pass it along to her as a wedding gift... :D**

**This chapter's shorter. Some are short, some are long. Just depends what's happening in the story. You know me...putting what needs to be there to make up the scene. I like that. :D**

**Little Q&A at the bottom. You might be interested in that. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 6

He called before we even made it back to Forks. I let it ring three times, then answered.

"Isabella? Come on, talk to me. Give me a chance, please. Izzy, please, don't do this," he begged over the phone.

My mother sat next to me as I drove. She was quiet, looking at me like she knew this would hurt.

"I didn't do anything!" I yelled. "You did! You did this! I was happy, Jasper. I loved you. You messed up everything." I sniffled, forcing back the tears that were coming. "This is it, we're done."

"Baby, please. Just come back, Iz. I got home from class and all your stuff's gone. We can work this out, I know we can. That was you this morning, wasn't it? I saw your car. I thought maybe that-"

"Yeah, you thought. And then you answered a call from her and walked away. I'm done, Jasper. I won't take this from you. I don't deserve this. Go, be happy, since she's who you want. This, this you and me? This is over."

He groaned into the phone. "No Izzy, wait, ju-"

"And don't call me Baby. Especially not when that's what you called her."

I hung up. I turned off the phone. I vowed to change my number the next day.

And I did.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Okay, so since MANY of you have asked, and these things won't be addressed for a while - if at all - I'll just put this here...**

*** _Why did Jasper marry Bella if he and Alice were already screwing around?_ Well...let's just say that Jasper's young (he's 21, just like Bella and Alice) and he's selfish (like a lot of men that age are) and he thought he could have his cake and eat it too. I think he was hoping that by marrying Bella, he would make his family happy and Bella happy, and he knew he could be happy with her. She was his ideal girl, and he wanted to spend his life with her. Plus, he thought he'd mess around with Alice, keep it quiet, things would fizzle out between them, and then he'd still be left with his loving, sweet, none-the-wiser wife, Bella. Men are stupid sometimes. This is not new news. :D**

*** _Did he love Bella?_ Yes, he did. He obviously didn't show that too well, but he did and does love Bella. He wanted a future and family with her, he just got sidetracked by his feelings for Alice.**

*** _How could Alice do this to Bella?_ Honestly, I don't know. I wish I could say she was messed up, or she was high or a sex addict, something like that. But she wasn't. She just fell for him and was captivated by him, and I think the first time she was with him, she honestly thought it was a one time thing and they could go on with their lives and Bella never needed to know. She knew how much it would hurt Bella, so she wanted to keep it from her. Then it happened again, and again...and again. By that point, she was falling for Jasper, but he was engaged and very close to marrying Bella. Alice couldn't stop.**

*** _Is Alice really Bella's friend?_ Well, I think up until Jasper came along, yes. But once she started messing around with him? You can't do that to someone you consider a friend. Or at least I couldn't. Does she love Bella? Yeah, she does, but she's selfish and maybe a little jealous, and probably angry that Jasper is marrying Bella and not her. I'm sure most girls in her position would be.**

*** _What would have happened if Jasper and Alice told Bella they were in love BEFORE the wedding?_ Obviously, Bella would have been hurt, but I think she would have stepped aside if she thought they were being genuine about it, and if they'd gone about things in an honorable way. She loves them both and would want them to be happy.**

*** _Why did Jasper put he and Alice's pictures behind the wedding photo?_ Probably because he thought Bella would never look there. I mean, why would she? It's not like she was going to replace that picture any time soon. :D**

*** _Why didn't Jasper come looking for her?_ Um...would you? With Bella's cop daddy and brother living there? I think most guys would stay far away from Forks. :D Same with him calling. Though he DID call her cell phone a lot. She just never answered it. :)**

*** _Why did Alice call her?_ She was feeling bad and regretting what had happened. She wanted to tell Bella she was sorry and beg for her forgiveness. I think sometimes you don't REALLY understand exactly what you're doing until it's over and finished. That's probably what happened here. :(**

*** _Did Jasper see Bella's car in the parking lot?_ Yes, but he wasn't sure it was her. It was early in the morning, he had sunglasses on, and he didn't think she'd be in town. Especially not with a moving van. He was going to go see if it was her car, and that's when Alice called. I would imagine to see if he was going to class, if he could stop by or something. Who knows, it's not important. :D**

**I think that about answers most of the questions. I wanted to get this out of the way now since we won't get many answers from them for a while, if at all. This story is about Bella moving past this point in her life and finding something greater than she ever dreamed. :) I'm sure you can guess what that "greater" thing is. :)  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own are two cases full of cassette tapes from my teenage years and early 20's. Too bad I don't have a cassette player anymore. :D**

**I'm so happy you're all enjoying this. Just so you know, Bella's got a bit more to do before we get to meeting anyone else, but don't worry...HE'S on his way. :)**

**And, like always, this isn't beta'd or preread, so please forgive me any mistakes that might still be in here. Sometimes I get to reading and my mind just fills in what's missing and I never even notice it's not there. :D Sorry... :)**

**You might not like what Bella does in this chapter. It's just her way of dealing with things. I don't blame her for it. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 7

The next week I met with a lawyer. A family attorney. I asked about an annulment. We didn't qualify. Since we were married such a short time, a divorce would be simple. We had nothing to split up, and I wanted nothing from him.

I filed the papers that day and waited for Jasper to be served.

The next week I got word that he signed the papers. The lawyer said it went quickly, and he didn't protest. He just asked where he needed to sign, and that was it. I had to wait ninety days for it to be final, and I spent those days trying to finish my last few classes so that I could still graduate.

My professors were understanding, letting me do almost everything online or through the mail or fax. I went to Seattle a few times for presentations, but that was all.

Graduation came fast, and I cried when I submitted my graduation application. It was something so simple, so easy, and it set me off on a crying tangent that lasted three days.

_Name of Applicant._ Who'd have thought that would be hard to fill out? I wrote in Isabella Marie Swan.

It broke my heart.

I knew Jasper and Alice would both be at the ceremony. They were graduating, too. I almost stayed home, but I couldn't let them ruin that for me, too. I held my head high and was able to see the pain in Jasper's face as they read my name. There was no hint of Whitlock anywhere on my certificate. I knew that legally I was still his, but it wouldn't be much longer. And I didn't want my past following me forever.

His mother tried to talk to me, tried to get me to talk to him, but I refused. She didn't know why we'd split, and I felt bad for her. Obviously, Jasper hadn't told his parents what he'd done. I apologized to her. There was nothing I could do. When Jasper approached her with a nervous Alice trailing close behind him, I turned around and left. I saw the look in Mrs. Whitlock's eyes. She was figuring it all out.

With school over, I had nothing to do. I sat in my parent's house. I cried in my parent's house. I slept in my parent's house. I cooked, I cleaned, I laughed, and I moped. I didn't go outside. There was nothing for me there. I didn't know what to do, so I retreated into myself and let the world pass me by.

Finally, the day came for our court appearance. The judge would sign the papers and declare me a single woman again. I went alone, much to my parent's disapproval. I'd started things with Jasper on my own, and I needed to end them on my own. I was a big girl, I had to do it alone.

He looked handsome in his suit and tie. Almost as handsome as the day I married him. We sat in the courtroom, him on one side and me on the other. It was all very official, very sterile, very common and ordinary. It happened every day in that room, but it was something I never imagined would happen to me. That everyday occurrence was ending my world. My future. My life.

I sat silently, nodding and answering questions with "Yes" and "No" when I was asked. Tears slid down my face, and the judge asked me if I was okay. I shook my head and said, "No, but I'm not the one who brought us here."

He questioned if I had filed the application, then understood what I meant. It wasn't my actions that got the ball rolling on the end of our marriage. It was Jasper's.

Before it was all over, four signatures were on the papers, and the bailiff said it would be filed with the state, that Jasper and I would receive our copies in the mail. I walked out of the room feeling numb, dead. Broken.

"Isabella?" Jasper whispered to me. He was behind me, but I didn't stop. "I'm sorry, Izzy. I'm so ashamed of what I did. I'm sorry I hurt you."

My eyes were bleary, swollen. I turned around and grabbed his jacket lapel, pulling him after me. I pushed open the first door I found. It was the men's restroom.

I pushed his back against the wall and stared at him. I could finally see the sadness in his face. I'd been waiting for it for over three months.

"Izzy, I'm sorry," he mumbled.

I didn't want to hear it. I was angry. Hurt. Weak. I only wanted one thing—the one thing that should have been mine and mine alone.

I leaned forward and kissed him, hard. He was startled at first, but then he met me move for move. Kiss for kiss. Lick for lick. Stroke for stroke.

"Are you still with her?" I asked as my hand snaked down his chest.

"What?"

"Are you still with her?" My tone was angry and biting.

He nodded. Good.

"I want you," I said, pulling away to look at his blue eyes.

"Izzy, what do you mean?"

He didn't get it. Stupid man.

"We just walked out of divorce court, and now you want me?"

"You cheated on me with her. Now you're single again, but you're with her. I wanna be even. You're gonna cheat on her with me."

His eyes widened when he finally understood.

"Iz..."

My hands made quick work of his pants, then grabbed onto his cock. I stroked him up and down, and he got hard. So hard. I knew what he liked, or what he always claimed to like. I was wet and ready, and I shimmied my panties to the floor.

"Do it," I growled. Then I turned around and grabbed onto the sink. I looked into the mirror, my eyes connected with Jasper's.

It didn't take him long before he was pushing into me, moaning like he had with her. It was quick, and dirty, and rough, and hard. We'd never been that way before. I loved it.

His movements grew erratic, and I knew he was close. Reaching down between my legs, I rubbed myself as he kept thrusting. I watched in the mirror as his eyes closed, his brow furrowed, his voice grew louder. We came at the same time, and it was amazing. The best sex we'd ever had.

Kind of fitting to save the best for last.

When he pulled out, I saw the conflicting emotions on his face. Watched him run a hand through his dirty blonde hair. I grabbed my underwear from the floor, wiped myself off with it, and moved back to him.

I kissed his lips one more time. The last time. As I slipped the panties into his jacket pocket for Alice to find later, I whispered.

"Goodbye, Jasper."

I straightened my skirt, turned on my heel, and walked out the door.

I didn't look back. I didn't need to.

Jasper Whitlock was my past, and I was determined to move on without him.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: I'm sure it feels good to get one last "Screw You!" in. :D And no, no baby was made during that, so don't worry. :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is knowledge that only comes from growing up in a tiny, gossipy town. Gotta love it... :D**

**Poor Bella... :(**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 8

I was depressed. I knew I was. I couldn't help it—my world had shattered and my whole future was gone. I started to ask myself every day if it was something I'd done. Or something I hadn't done. Was I lacking in some way? Did I need to change things about myself?

If I couldn't keep Jasper happy for even three months, how would I ever make anyone else happy? How could anyone else ever want me?

I was doomed to be alone forever. Though my mother continually told me that wasn't the case, that there was someone special out there for me, it was hard to believe her. I'd driven my husband into the arms of my best friend. There was definitely something wrong with me.

After doing nothing for a few weeks, my dad insisted that I get a job. Mainly to make me feel productive and like I was accomplishing something. I wondered if it was partly so he wouldn't have to watch any more man-hating, women-empowering, Lifetime Original Movie's with me.

There was an opening at the diner in town, and I started waiting tables in the evenings. It was boring and repetitive, and it gave me countless hours to ponder my situation, but the money was decent. And there were no other options. It was all I had.

By August, I'd settled into life. It had been two months since the divorce was final. Two months since I'd seen or heard from Jasper. Three months since I'd last seen Alice. And five months since she'd last tried to contact me.

I didn't know where they were. If they were together. What they were doing. I didn't want to care...but I did. Each night my dreams turned from us being happy together, to them mocking me. Them leaving me behind. Them flaunting their sex-life in my face. I woke up shaking and shaken every single night.

Something had to change. I didn't want to live that way anymore.

Mrs. Newton came into the diner one evening, telling me that Mike would be visiting soon. She just knew that if I called him, he would be happy to take me out. She knew because of my "situation," and Mike would do it because of my "situation." I didn't want to be anyone's charity case. But I knew if I stayed in Forks, that's all I'd ever be.

I'd be "That poor girl whose husband cheated on her" and "That poor girl whose best friend stole her husband." I didn't want to be that. I just wanted to be Isabella Swan again.

But in Forks, I would never be that.

It was the end of August and I was running some errands for my mom. It was my day off, so I was dressed in old sweats and a ratty t-shirt. My hair was pulled up in a pony tail and I had a pair of Riley's old flip flops on my feet. I looked like death warmed over, but I didn't care. Who did I need to impress?

No one.

I rounded the corner at the grocery store, heading into the laundry detergent aisle. There was a sale and my mom had coupons. Whatever. I didn't notice the other cart at the end of the row until I heard my name.

"Izzy?" the voice said. I froze. I knew that voice.

Alice.

I looked up and saw her standing beside a cart, holding a large container. She looked the same as she always did which was beautiful and put together and prim and proper. I hated her even more for it.

"Ali, honey, you shouldn't be carrying that. Let me," came another voice and I watched as he appeared from the next aisle and took the tub from her hands.

Her eyes were locked with mine, and it took a moment for him to realize she wasn't paying attention to him.

"Iz?" he said when he noticed me. But I barely heard him, because when he took the box from her hands, I saw it.

A bump.

A baby bump.

Alice was pregnant.

"Isabella, wait-" Alice said. She knew I'd seen it.

"What the—how could you...you're pregnant?" I asked.

"Izzy, I'm sorry. We didn't mean for this to happen, it just did," she said as she started to cry.

I took a deep breath and looked at Jasper. How could he? That was supposed to be me with him. Me carrying his baby. Me he was helping. I was his wife, and that should have been our baby.

"Iz?" he said.

"I hate you both. How could you?" I spat.

We all stood still, staring at each other. Then I turned my basket around, and walked away.

I heard Alice crying. I heard Jasper trying to soothe her. I didn't care. I was crying too much myself to spare any concern for either of them. They did this. They caused this. I never wanted to see either of them again.

As I checked out through the self check-out lane—so I could avoid Lauren, the know-it-all-town-gossip-cashier—I saw a stack of maps next to the magazines.

_Pacific Coast._

It was a road map of the Pacific Coast, and I grabbed it.

I had to get out of Forks. And it had to be now.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Can you blame her for wanting to run? Alice and Jasper are NOT living in Forks, just there visiting for the weekend or whatever. And this is the last we'll see of them for a while. Good riddance, I say. :) And I didn't say no babies at all...just no babies last chapter. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is three broken fingernails in the past two days. What the heck? Seriously? Ugh...I need some vitamins or something. This no-fingernail-thing is NOT gonna fly with me. :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 9

"Isabella, you're crazy if you think I'm going to allow this!" my father yelled.

In my excitement over my "Get out of Forks" plan, I'd rushed to tell him all about it. His face got more and more red the longer I talked.

"Dad, it's just a road trip, okay? I'll be fine."

"I'm not letting any daughter of mine drive up and down the west coast all alone. I know what happens to little girls who do things like that. I'm not stupid, Izzy. And I won't lose you to some serial killer."

Apparently, his years doing police work convinced him that my plan wasn't all that safe.

I looked at him, my eyes full of tears. "Daddy, I need this. I need to get away from here. I'm dying here, Dad." I sniffled and wiped at my eyes. "Do you know what I saw at the store today? I saw Alice. And she was with Jasper. And she's pregnant. She's pregnant with his baby. That should have been me, Dad! He was MY husband, not hers. And if I stay here, all I'm ever gonna be is that little charity case who's husband knocked up her best friend. No one is ever going to think anything else of me. I need to get out of here. Please, Daddy. Please let me go."

He was quiet for a few minutes. "I don't like it, Iz. I don't like the idea of my little girl being so far away and all alone. We won't even know if something happens to you."

"I have my cell, and I'll call you every day." I let out a deep, sad, broken sigh. "I just need to see what's out there. I need to find out who I am, Dad. I need this. I'm a grown woman, and I have that pepper spray stuff and a baseball bat. I'll be fine."

He laughed. Pepper spray and a bat wouldn't stop a lot of people if they were determined to hurt me, but it was something, at least.

He huffed around the house for the rest of the night. When his bedtime came, I knew he wasn't going to give me his blessing. He wasn't going to let me go.

"Isabella?" he asked, knocking at my bedroom door.

"Yeah?"

He sat down on my bed. "Look, I know you want to do this. I know it's dangerous, but I know that you need to get out of here. I'm not stupid, Darlin'. I hear the things people say. I don't much like them, but it's just talk. There's always gonna be talk. You gotta learn to deal with that."

He was going to say no.

"Honey, I feel like I let you down. I feel like I should have put up more of a fight when you wanted to marry Jasper, but I didn't. I was trying to be supportive and all that, and look where it got us. I just don't want to make that mistake again, you understand me?"

I nodded. I tried to hold my tears back. I knew he wasn't trying to hurt me. He was trying to take care of me. But it still hurt.

"That's why I'm not gonna stop you if you really wanna go," he said.

"Really?" I asked in disbelief.

"Really. I failed you once. I can't fail you twice, Hon."

"Thank you, Dad!" I yelled. I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled.

I was getting out of Forks, maybe for good.

It was exactly what I needed.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: And Bella's ready to go. She's got her map and her daddy's blessing. Wonder what'll happen next? :D**

**Little clarification, because so many people have commented on this. Yes, Bella is an adult, and technically, No, she doesn't need her dad's permission to leave on her little trip. But she wants it. She needs it, for herself. After what's happened with Jasper and Alice, she's questioning things. She's questioning her ability to make decisions, most of all. She needs to know - for herself - that her father is going to support her on this. Could she pack up and go? Yeah, of course. Would she go without her dad saying he's okay with it? No, she wouldn't. That's just how this Bella is right now. That's all, no biggie. She feels like she let her parents down by marrying a man who was cheating on her from before they even said their "I do's." She's trying to make up for that. :)  
**

**Also, I had someone ask in a review. NO, Edward is NOT related to Alice. At all. :D And, we'll hear more about how things turn out for Alice and Jasper later on down the road. For now, Bella's moving on. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a container of cupcakes with green sprinkles and Breaking Dawn rings. I saw it at the store...I had to have it. :D I ate a cupcake with an Edward ring. I had to work hard to keep my mind out of the gutter as I licked the frosting off his backside... I mean, the backside of the Edward ring. :D Not that I would be opposed to licking frosting off Edward's backside... :D**

**I did research this chapter for awhile. I've never driven along the West Coast, so this may be horrible. Who knows. Bella's never driven it, either, so just go with it. :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 10

It didn't take me long to pack. I owned nothing of any value, and I could only take what I could fit in my car.

I mapped out my first day, deciding to drive south along the 101 until I reached Astoria, Oregon. I planned to stay there for the night, then drive along the coast until I got to Crescent City, California.

Staying on the coast would afford me plenty of chances to stop, and I didn't plan to push myself. I would just drive until I felt like stopping, then get out and enjoy the scenery.

I hoped that by taking my time, I would find whatever it was that I was looking for. I had a feeling this trip was leading me to something. Something big. It was exciting, and terrifying. I couldn't wait.

The second night as I stayed in Crescent City, I called my parents, telling them all about my drive that day. They seemed excited, yet still nervous about me being alone. I tried to reassure them I was fine. It was true...for the most part.

I stayed on the 101 South until I reached Leggett. The interstate continued on to San Francisco, and I knew it was the safer, straighter road. But I was done with safe and straight. I wanted to see things, to experience things. It was a longer drive, but I opted for Highway One that would lead me down the coast again.

All the little towns and cities along the way appealed to me, and I stopped a few times before finally pulling into San Francisco for the night. I had site-seeing I wanted to do. My hotel was booked for two nights. And I slept well in a big, plush bed that first night.

Seeing all the places I'd only heard of or seen in movies was incredible. For the first time in months, I didn't think about Jasper or Alice at all. It was a welcomed change.

I sent my parents a postcard of the Golden Gate Bridge, and sent some chocolate to my mom from the Ghirardelli factory. After staying another night in the city, I began traveling down Highway One again, enjoying all the tiny little towns I passed through.

There were always boats and surfers dotting the water, and I pulled over several times to watch them. The breeze coming off the ocean was filled with salt and it smelled amazing. It was different from the ocean water in Washington, and I knew I would never get tired of it.

I made my way along the coast until I reached Monterey. My dad watched a lot of ESPN, and I knew there were several golf courses there. I spent some time driving around the city and seeing the things I'd only ever seen on television.

It was beautiful. A whole different world than what I was used to.

I knew the next day would involve lots of small towns as I traveled farther South, and I was up bright and early, ready to go.

I drove through Big Sur, Lucia, and Plaskett before finally stopping for the night in Cambria. It was a nice city, surrounded by miles and miles of vineyards, and I wandered the main streets for a few hours, trying to get familiar with it. Something didn't feel right, and the next morning I headed out again.

I started down the highway and after about twenty minutes, pulled into a little town called Cayucos. It was small, quaint, and something about it drew me in. I'd planned to drive to Los Angeles that day, but as I stood on the beach, looking at the long pier that jetted out into the water, I couldn't leave.

I canceled my hotel reservation in L.A. for the night, and found a bed and breakfast along the main street of the town. They had a few open rooms, and I snatched one up.

My stomach grumbled, and I knew I needed to eat. The sweet older woman who ran the B and B recommended a small restaurant just down the street. I walked along the sidewalk, enjoying the view. South Ocean Avenue ran along the beach for a while. Pacific Avenue split off from it and continued to run along the beach, but I kept on South Ocean, looking for the restaurant.

It was easy to spot. Flowers along the sidewalk. Music wafting through the air. Bright open windows. It looked inviting, happy. Like some place I needed to be.

Walking into Rockaway Cafe felt comfortable. Familiar. I felt like I was home.

It was honestly the last thing I was expecting.

And that was only the beginning of my surprises.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Cayucos looks like a really cool little town. I'll put the link I found to it on my Facebook group. If you wanna check it out, find me and I'll let you in the group. It's secret, so no one even has to know you're there! :D (BeegurlOneThree FanFickee)**

**Boy oh boy...you're all out for blood with Jasper and Alice. I love it. :D Like I said, we'll see more about them later. :) Thank you for ALL of the amazing reviews and for pimping this story out to your friends. That's so sweet of you... :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own are three new, specially ordered, horizontal blinds for my living room windows, which my hubby installed on Saturday...just in time for my birthday. :D Who knew the stores wouldn't carry the size we needed? Dang, stinkin', wide, HUGE windows. :D But maybe between the blinds and the blackout curtains I put over them, we'll keep some of the heat out of the house this summer. It would be REALLY nice to not have any more $500 a month electric bills. You know? :D**

**Yeah, still not beta'd or preread. Whatever. :D _MaxieMoose_ offered me some info on California, so bits and pieces of that will be used from here on out, but it's still pretty generic, for the most part. :D And I still REALLY want to go to Cayucos. :D It just looks so cute and fun! :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 11

I sat in a booth next to a window. I watched the street outside, marveling at how laid back the town seemed to be.

"Hi, I'm Rosalie. Welcome to Rockaway Cafe. I'll be your waitress this afternoon. Here's the menu and I'll give you a little time to look over it. We have a few specials today if you're interested, but for now, can I start you off with something to drink?"

She was gorgeous. Tall, blonde, pretty, and she had curves the likes of which I had only ever dreamed of.

"Um, yeah. Ugh...Coke, I guess?" I said.

"Sure thing. Be right back."

I glanced through the menu and decided on what I'd like, then waited. I kept my eyes focused out the window, watching families walk up and down the street. Kids on bikes. Teenagers on skateboards. Men with surf boards. Women with baskets and babies. It was like a movie or something, but it was real.

"Here you go. You decide what you'd like?" she asked.

"Yeah, um the burger plate with fries, please."

"You got it," she said. She smiled, picked up the menu, and was gone.

A few minutes later she was back.

"You're not from around here, are you? I don't remember seeing you before," she said.

"Oh, no. I'm not from here—just passing through. But I like it. Is it always this happy and peaceful here?" I asked. It almost felt like it was too good to be true.

"Yeah, it's pretty boring around here, that's for sure," she said with a laugh. "Not much ever happens, which is fine when you're an adult, but not so great when you're a kid looking for something to do. I guess that's why most kids surf or hang out in Morro Bay. It's a few miles down the road. If they're really looking for excitement, they'll go to San Luis Obispo. It's about twenty miles away, but it's a bigger town. More action and different kids. You know how it is, small town with the same kids from birth through graduation." She looked closely at me. "Or maybe you don't."

I sighed. "Trust me, I know exactly how it is."

"So, you're just passing through, huh? I gotta say, we do get quite a few tourists through here. Not many stick around, though. There's not much here to stay for."

"That's exactly what I'm looking for. A whole lot of nothing. Mind numbing, nothingness." I smiled at her, hoping she'd think I was just joking. But I wasn't.

"Well, if nothingness is what you want, you should stay around here. That's all you'll find. Well, that and surfing. You surf?" she asked. There weren't many other customers in the cafe, so I figured she must have had some time to kill.

"No, I don't surf. Maybe I'll have to learn...if I stay."

"You should. You should stay and learn. I know someone who could teach you," she said. Her eyes sparkled just a bit, and she looked like she was going to say something else.

"Rosie! Order's up!" a big guy from the kitchen yelled.

"That'll be your lunch. Be right back," she said. I watched her hurry back to the kitchen, then kiss the guy who was cooking and whisper to him. They both looked out at me and smiled, and I quickly turned my head toward the windows again.

"Here you go. You need anything else, you just let me know," she said.

"Thank you."

The food was great. The longer I sat in that booth, the more I felt like maybe I stopped in that town for a reason. Maybe there was a reason it felt so familiar to me. A reason I was so at ease.

"So, how was it?" Rosalie asked when she came to pick up my dishes.

"Great, thanks."

She smiled. "You want anything else?"

"Uh, no. I'm good, but thank you."

I paid my check then walked out of the restaurant. I walked the rest of the way down the street, looking at all the businesses and houses, glancing over toward the ocean every so often. I could see it, so blue and big on the horizon. I could smell it, the salt and sand wafting through the air. I could feel it, the humidity clinging to my body.

I wanted it.

As I made my way back up the street, I passed the cafe again and noticed a small sign in the window.

HELP WANTED

Why hadn't I seen that before? Looking in, I saw Rosalie standing behind the counter, a smile on her face.

I walked in the door, grabbed the sign out of the window, and took it to her.

"You're hiring?" I asked.

She smiled brightly. "You ever waited tables before?"

I nodded. I could do this.

"How about you work tomorrow and we'll see how you do? Sound good?" she asked.

"Sounds perfect."

"Well, I'm Rosalie McCarty. It's very nice to meet you," she said, holding her hand out.

"I'm Isabella."

"Isabella..." she said, clearly hoping I'd offer my last name.

I cleared my throat. "I'm Bella. Bella Swan."

I was Bella Swan now. This was a new place, a new start, and a new me.

Isabella Whitlock was gone.

I was Bella Swan.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: And now she's got a reason to stay. :D I know a few people have wondered about her name when she says it in the first chapter. Legally, she hasn't changed her name yet. That's something she probably could have done with the divorce, but at that time, I think she was in a pretty bad place and she figured she'd do it later. She just hasn't yet. So technically, she's still Isabella Swan Whitlock. But for now, she's changing it to Bella Swan. Oh, and she's never gone by Bella before. It's always been Isabella, Izzy, or Iz. Except that her dad sometimes calls her Bells. :)**

**There's a little hint about Edward in this chapter. Don't worry, you'll see him soon enough. :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a package of Swiss cheese slices. I love ham and Swiss cheese sandwiches with Dijon mustard. Ugh... I eat them for lunch almost every day. I'm a creature of habit. I can't help it.**

**I was gonna remind you that this is all me, mistakes and errors and crazy plotlines and all that. Then I realized you probably wouldn't care, that you REALLY just want to get to what's in this chapter. Or should I say...WHO is in this chapter. :) Ah yeah... :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 12

Rockaway Cafe opened at seven o'clock in the morning. I was a few minutes early. I was excited, and nervous.

"Hey! Come on in," the big guy from the kitchen said. "I'm Emmett, Rosalie's husband. I'm the cook around here. If you're working days, you'll be working with me. If you work nights, you'll be working with Jacob. You'll meet him later."

"Thanks," I said. I was getting more nervous, but I made myself calm down. How bad could it be?

The day went well. Rosalie showed me around the kitchen, the backroom, the freezer, and the front counter. It was a little easier than the Forks diner had been, and I was thankful for that. The clientele was younger, more easy going, and just happy to be there. Quite the contrast to the people of Forks, who constantly whispered until I approached their table, then stopped until I walked away again.

As the afternoon wore on, I wondered when I'd be going home. I reserved the room at the bed and breakfast through the week, hoping that would be enough time to decide if I wanted to stay or not. And it would give me time to find somewhere more permanent to live. I couldn't afford to stay at the B and B forever.

"So, you got some place to stay yet?" Rosalie asked as we spent time stocking up for the dinner crowd.

"Um, the bed and breakfast for now. If you want me to stay, then I'll look for some place else. You know of any apartments or anything nearby?"

She smiled and was quiet. I wondered if she was going to let me go. I thought I'd done a decent job, but maybe I wasn't what she was looking for.

"Well, I was thinking. There aren't a lot of apartments around here, you'd probably have to go to Morro Bay to find something open and that you could afford."

"Oh, that's not good."

Her smile grew wider. "But, I happen to know of a little one bedroom, one bathroom apartment that's pretty close by. And I know the rent's cheap, if you're interested."

"Really? Yeah, I'd be interested," I said. By the tone of her voice, I could tell she was going to keep me around.

"You wanna go see it?"

"Yeah," I hesitantly said.

"Hey Em, watch the front. I'll be right back," she called out, then motioned me toward the backroom.

We walked through the backdoor, and just outside sat a small building. It was behind the cafe, so I hadn't seen it before.

"This was my grandma's place. She's the one who started the cafe. After my grandpa died, she moved in here so that she could be closer to work and the restaurant. She's been gone a few years now, which is why I run the place."

She opened the door to the little apartment and let us in. It was clearly outdated a bit, with mauve and light blue colors from the 80's, but it was something I could live with.

"It's totally furnished, but I can move things out if you've got you own stuff," she said.

"No, actually it's perfect. I don't have anything more than what fit into my car, so furnished is kinda great."

"My grandma didn't die here or anything, so it's not haunted, in case you're worried," she said with a laugh.

It made me smile. "I wasn't, but that's good to know."

I looked around the rest of the apartment. It was dusty and needed a good cleaning, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.

"How much?" I asked her.

"Oh, um...I don't know, we've never rented it out before. I guess maybe a hundred a week? So, like four hundred a month? That sound reasonable?"

"Four hundred a month? Are you kidding? That's crazy low. Are you sure?" I asked, shocked at how low of a price it was.

"Well, yeah. I mean, we don't really need the income, but I guess I should charge something. Oh, and the utilities are tied in with the restaurant, so unless you start running a meth lab or start growing pot in here, I doubt you'll use enough electricity or water to make a dent in our monthly bills. So, don't worry about that."

"Are you for real? I asked.

She just laughed. "Last I checked, I am."

"Wow, um...I'll take it. If you're sure."

"Bella, it's going to be harder for you living here than anything else. I mean, with customers around all day and stuff. I'm fine with it, and I'm happy I can help you out. You want to move in today or tomorrow, or what?"

"Today! Well, I'll clean today and then maybe move in tomorrow? Is that okay?"

She nodded, then led me back to the cafe.

"I'm excited that you're staying around and that you'll be so close. I just live a couple houses down from here, so this'll be fun for us both."

"Great," I said. I meant it—I was excited and anxious to start my life in Cayucos. It was a perfect place and not once all day had I thought about Jasper. The change was exactly what I needed, and I was walking on cloud nine as we got back into the dining room.

Rosalie turned off toward the kitchen, and I went back to the counter. Wiping it off and trying to run out the last few minutes of my shift, I looked up when I heard the bells over the door chime.

A man and woman entered, and my heart stopped.

I hadn't had feelings for any man since I met Jasper. Not once had I looked at a man and felt lust flow through me. Not once had I looked at a man and wanted to know what his lips felt like. Not once had I looked at a man and craved the touch of his fingers on my skin.

But this man...I wanted all of those things. And then some.

The fact that his hand was wrapped around the woman's hand was upsetting to me, and I quickly looked away from them.

"Who are you?" he asked me.

"Ugh...I'm...uh..."

The girl with him flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder and huffed, then turned and sat down in a booth. She chomped away on the gum in her mouth and looked completely and totally bored.

"What?" he asked, glaring at me. "Who. Are. You." he said again. "And what are you doing behind the counter?"

"I'm Bella, I work here." I found my voice, even if it was small and quiet.

"Rose!" he yelled past me.

He continued to glare until Rosalie came through the kitchen door.

"Hey," she said, glancing between the two of us. "So, I see you met Bella?"

"Yeah, what's she doing here? Since when do you hire new people?"

"I run this place. I don't need your approval on who I hire."

He huffed and ran a hand through his thick hair that looked so soft. I wanted to touch it. To twist my fingers in it. To smell it. To bury my face in it.

"—even from around here. What are you thinking?" he said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"She's new to town, and I like her. I hired her. And she's moving into Grandma's apartment."

"What?" he said, and his voice rose about three decibels.

"Yep. Again, I'm in charge here, so what do you care?" Rosalie asked.

I felt more and more uncomfortable and I really wanted to run away. I didn't even know who this man was, and I'd already offended him, for some reason.

"Whatever, Rose. Just do what you want," he huffed. "But don't go getting any ideas."

From the corner of my eye, I watched as Rosalie's smile grew. "Don't worry, I won't."

When I looked up, he was staring right at me. My stomach clenched and I felt my nipples tighten. I was so screwed.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet my brother. This is Edward Cullen. Edward, this is our new waitress, Bella Swan."

Edward groaned, then turned around and walked back toward the door. The blonde bimbo he'd walked in with—and I only called her that because in the two minutes she was in the cafe, her skirt seemed to shrink five inches, and a few buttons on her blouse must have popped off, because her breasts were practically hanging out—jumped up and followed him out the door.

"That beach bunny is Jessica, my brother's flavor of the week. There aren't a lot of options around here, which is why I'm so glad you're in town now."

She giggled and walked back to the kitchen, leaving me alone at the register, where my body was burning alive at the memory of Edward's fury filled eyes. And his razor sharp jawbone. And his long, flexible fingers. And his wide, thick shoulders.

I was screwed. And oh how I wished it wasn't just figuratively.

I wanted to be screwed by him. Literally.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Ohhhhh, look at Bella. Having feelings of an inappropriate nature for another man...after all this time. :D I would imagine she's a little sexually frustrated. :D It's been a while... :D**

**I like this Edward. Grumpiness and all. You'll see. :)**

**FYI - _Outtake One EPOV: In The Beginning_ has a bit of this chapter from Edward's POV, if you're interested. :) It's kinda fun to see his back story a little more. I like it. ;)  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a clock that I got for entering a kitchen design contest once in school. It's got a spot where you can put a picture in it. I never have. Like, four years later...it's still the generic random lady that came with the clock. :D I should really change that... :D**

**So, Edward's arrived. He's kind of rude, stand-offish, grouchy. Whatever. There's a reason, don't worry. :) You'll see soon enough. :)**

**I like this chapter. It's fun. :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 13

The next few weeks passed in pretty much the same way. I worked in the cafe, Edward came in for lunch every day, he glared at me the whole time, he refused to talk to me, I melted any time I was within five feet of him.

My parents weren't too excited that I'd decided to stay in California for the time being. They planned on visiting me so that they could check out the place. I knew my dad would find nothing wrong with it. The crime rate was practically non-existant in Cayucos. My mother would love the little shops that dotted the main street. Riley would love all the bikini-clad girls wandering all over town. What young guy wouldn't?

I met Jacob after working in the cafe for a couple of days. He was a few years younger than me, and a total California Surfer Boy cliché. Every other word out of his mouth was "gnarly" or "righteous" or "totally." It made me laugh. So did his flirting.

"So Bella, you still want to learn to surf?" Rosalie asked one afternoon. She hadn't mentioned it in a while. I was caught off guard and uncertain of what to say.

"Oh, um...yeah, I guess."

"You know who's a great teacher? Edward." She turned to face her brother, who was sitting in a booth eating lunch, trying to ignore us. "You'll teach her, right, Edward?" she asked.

"What?" he asked.

"Bella wants to learn to surf. You'll teach her, right?"

He glared at me. Well, it was really just the way he always looked at me, so there was nothing special about it. It was just the look he had for me, apparently. "No, I'm pretty busy at the shop. I don't really have time for lessons right now."

"Oh, please. You could take her out on dawn patrol. You don't want her to drown out there, do you?"

The way he looked at me, I thought maybe he did.

"No, I'm busy."

Rosalie huffed and growled. "Don't worry, Bella. We'll find you someone."

At that moment, Jacob came strolling into the restaurant. He was early, and his hair was still wet from the ocean.

"What's up, ladies?" he said, smiling big as he winked us both of us.

"Hey Jake," Rosalie greeted him. "Hey, so...you ever teach anyone to surf before?" she asked.

"Oh, dude, no. I mean, I taught myself, but no one else. Why? Wassup?"

Rosalie smiled. "Oh, Bella here wants to learn and I'm trying to find her a teacher."

Jacob's grin grew even bigger.

"Awesome," he said. His voice was like a whisper, full of awe, laced with amazement. He was weird.

"So, you think you can take her out tomorrow?" Rosalie pushed.

"Totally. I got my board and I'll swipe my buddy's board, and we'll hit the waves, my little bunny."

I had to hold back a laugh. He was doing something to help me out. I really shouldn't laugh in his face.

"So, what do I need?" I asked. I had no idea what surfing entailed. All I did know was that it might end up being a very bad idea.

"Just wrap a teeny bikini around that little hot mama bod of yours and I'll take care of the rest. You're in good hands with Jacob, smokin' honey," he cooed.

I knew he was trying to be smooth, but it was all I could do to not laugh. His confidence was incredible, though. I had to give him that.

"Okay, so little bikini and that's it?" I asked.

"Righteous, babe. I'll get you out there, set you up on some waves, you'll be droppin' in on some bombs in no time. Hey, you're not a goofy foot, are ya?"

A _what?_ I thought. I was so in over my head, I didn't know what to do.

He laughed as his arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled me against him. I wouldn't have minded so much if he'd been wearing more than just a pair of board shorts. My arm and face were pressed tight against his bare chest, and I squirmed as he reached over with his other hand and messed with my hair.

"Oh, forget this," I heard Edward mumble as he stood from his seat. "I'll teach you. Meet me tomorrow at six in the morning. Just wear a swimming suit, I'll get the rest."

Rosalie folded her arms across her chest. "Really, now? Well, I think she's already got a teacher. You missed your chance."

Edward's eyes flashed anger at his sister, then he turned to me. "You wanna drown or not?"

I wiggled out of Jacob's grasp. "Not." I really didn't want to die out there in the water. I really didn't.

"Fine. Meet me tomorrow. And leave surfer boy here. Come alone."

With that, Edward turned and walked out the door.

"Um, what just happened?" I asked.

Rosalie continued to smile. "Oh, nothing. Thanks anyway, Jake, but it looks like Bella won't be needing you tomorrow."

"Totally cool, dudette's. Cullen's a wicked teacher, man. He'll have you rippin' and shootin' the curl before you know it! It'll be so awesomely wicked and gnarly, little mama."

I hoped so. And at least he wouldn't let me drown. Right?

**~*0*~**

**A/N: I like Jacob. I don't always, but this one...I like him. :D**

**Let's see...surfing terms...**

**_Gnarly, righteous, totally, wicked, awesome_ – pretty self explanatory, I think  
_Dawn Patrol_ – Early morning surf-session  
_Board_ – Surf board  
_Droppin' In_ – Catching a wave and going down the face  
_Bombs_ – Large or very large waves  
_Goofy Foot_ – Someone who surfs right foot forward (most people surf left foot forward)  
_Rippin'_ – Surfing well  
_Shootin' the Curl_ – Angling or trimming with the breaking part of a wave**

**Don't be so hard on Edward. Bella's got baggage...maybe Edward does, too. :) And just 'cause he had a skank with him when he met Bella doesn't mean he's a manwhore. :D It doesn't mean he isn't...it just doesn't mean he is. :D Let's wait and see, shall we? :D**

**FYI - _Outtake One EPOV: In The Beginning_ has a bit of this chapter from Edward's POV, if you're interested. :) It's fun seeing Edward squirm just a bit... :D  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is the dvd of the movie _Blue Crush_ and a movie poster for it. I love that movie...so much. I really need to watch it again, it's been a while. :)**

**Here we go... :) There might be a picture on my Facebook group of what Edward looks like in part of this chapter. Ugh...so good. :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 14

The next morning was cold. Well, not cold by Washington standards, but standing on a beach at six in the morning in nothing but a bikini? Yeah, cold.

"Here, put this on," Edward mumbled. He handed me a wet suit, and I did my best to get it on my body. It was tight. I squeezed and pulled and pushed until I was in it. Then he zipped up the back

"I haven't done this before," I said. I was nervous. There was a lot of water in front of me.

"No kidding," he said. "This is your board. You'll start on this," he told me, pointing to a big blue surfboard laying on the ground. It was twice the size of the one he would be using, but I trusted him. I tried to, anyway. He wouldn't let me drown, right? Even as he was strapping my ankle to the enormous blue thing, I forced myself to relax.

We spent an hour on the sand, him teaching me how to paddle and stroke, how to pop up, where to put my feet. He had never said so many words to me. I was entranced by the sound of his voice. It was mesmerizing. I wanted to listen to it all day.

When we finally got into the water, the temperature was shockingly cold. My teeth chattered. He rolled his eyes. It made me mad. I paddled my little heart out, just to show him I could do it. Once I got out there, I started to panic a little.

He pulled up alongside of me. "Dude, this water's goin' off," he mumbled to himself. "Listen, when I tell you to go, you go. Got it?" he said.

"Okay," I whispered with a nod.

We sat there for a minute or two, and he watched behind us. "When you go, if you wipe out, remember to watch out for the soup and don't ding my stick."

His stick? What? I didn't understand half the words coming out of Edward's mouth, and my heart was pounding like crazy. I knew he was probably talking about surfing, but there was only one stick of Edward's that came to mind...

"Okay, here comes a set," he yelled. "Go! Go!"

I leaned forward, lying on the board, and paddled. I was already in it, I couldn't stop, so I decided to just go for it. When I got to what I thought was the part Edward told me about, I tried to pop up on the board.

I lasted about three seconds.

The water thrashed around me and soon my head popped up and I gasped for air.

"Good try. Get back on your board and get over here. There's another line coming in," he yelled to me. I could barely hear him, but I did what I was told.

I spent the next hour trying to surf. I only succeeded in getting the wind knocked out of me twice, and standing up for about thirteen seconds...total.

"We'll come back out in a couple days. You'll need to rest tomorrow," he said once we were back on the sand. I'd watched him surf a few waves. He was incredible. The way his body bent and swayed above the water... He was the best I'd ever seen.

Not that I'd seen a lot of surfers in my time. Though some of the boys in high school tried to surf. None of them were very good at it.

"You're really great at this. How'd you learn to surf?" I asked him as we walked up the beach toward the shop he worked in.

He was carrying my board, letting me carry his smaller one. It was nice of him, and my aching arms were grateful.

He reached up and scratched at the back of his neck. His wet suit was off his chest, leaving it bare and glistening with water. I wanted to lick him. I couldn't help it. The top was hanging around his waist, and I could see the little trail of hair on his stomach. I wondered if he had anything on underneath it.

"I don't know. I just picked it up when I was a kid. There wasn't much else to do here."

"Oh, that makes sense."

He didn't talk much more. When we got into the shop, he just pointed me toward a bathroom where I could get my wetsuit off.

"I can't unzip this," I told him. He groaned, but pulled the cord down for me. When I tried to peel it off, it was stuck, and tight, and not easy.

"Here," he said, grabbing the neck and pulling down. His sucked in a deep breath as he did, and it wasn't until a moment later that I realized why.

"Oh, crap," I said. My bikini top had shifted. Moved. And my boob was hanging out. "Sorry. I know they're not much to look at."

"Yeah, whatever."

I wasn't as well endowed as his whore friend, who I hadn't seen in a couple of weeks. But they were still tits. Most guys seemed to like them regardless of how big or small they were. Edward acted like I'd burned him or something. I didn't understand him at all.

"You don't have to be so disgusted. I mean, I know other guys that didn't mind them so much," I said, my voice snippy and angry. Then I remembered Jasper. He'd always said he liked them.

That put me in a bad mood. He'd lied about other things. What if he'd lied about that, too? What if they weren't anything great or wonderful? Suddenly I felt very awkward, and I couldn't get out of that surf shop fast enough.

Edward didn't say anything to me. He just turned and walked toward the back as I ran out the front door.

Surfing had definitely not gone the way I'd hoped.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough what his deal is. :D Oh, and did you catch that Bella hasn't seen the Skank in a few weeks? Yet Edward eats lunch in the cafe every day? You see that? :) Just sayin'... :D**

**Little more surfing lingo...**

**_Goin' Off_ – Good waves, good surfing  
_Wipe Out_ – Falling off the board into the water while riding a wave  
_Soup_ – White water from a broken wave  
_Ding_ – Damage to a surfboard  
_Stick_ – Slang for surfboard  
_Line_ – Unbroken series of waves**

**As always, I love your wonderful and amazing reviews. You're all so good to me... :) Thank you.**

**FYI - _Outtake One EPOV: In The Beginning_ has a most of this chapter from Edward's POV, if you're interested. :) The man's got it bad...and it's so good to watch. :D  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a little bag of gingerbread man cookies. I like them. And I really don't like chocolate chip cookies all that much. I know, what's wrong with me? :D Oh, and cookie dough? Yeah...I hate that. :D**

**Hopefully this chapter will give you some of the answers you've been looking for. :) As always, mistakes are aaaaaaall mine. :D I'm just awesome like that. Or totally pathetic, which ever. :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 15

The next day I was sore. Every muscle in my body ached. I really wanted to stay in bed all day, maybe get drunk so I wouldn't feel the pain, but Rosalie needed me.

After a hot shower, I felt a little better. Good enough to get dressed, comb my hair, and even put on a little make up. I was working all afternoon, and unless Edward came in, there was no one to impress. Even with him, he was so weird to me, I knew he wasn't interested in me. Just like most other guys.

Not that I was looking for a guy. That was the last thing I needed.

I walked into the backroom of the cafe and could hear what sounded like a rather heated argument coming from the office. I didn't mean to listen, but then I heard my name.

"You don't know anything about Bella," Edward said loudly. It wasn't long before I knew who he was yelling at.

"I don't need to. I trust her. There's just something about her, I know she belongs here," Rosalie said.

It made me feel good that she defended me. And bad that I'd been so guarded to her about my life. I didn't tell anyone anything. It was better that way.

"Where's she from, huh? How did she just happen to walk into our cafe, Rose? What if she's working for Uncle Marcus? You know she could be, and you just let her right in. You even set her up in Grandma's apartment!"

Rosalie huffed in what sounded like anger, matching Edward's tone. "She's not working for Marcus, okay? Not every woman you meet is like Tanya, Edward. And I don't care where she's from. She's here now, and I like her, so leave it alone."

"You're risking everything, Rose. How do you not see that? She's just some girl off the street. Either she's running from something or someone, or she was sent here. Which do you think is more likely?" Edward asked. Wow, he really didn't like me.

"Maybe she is running from something. Or she's hiding from someone. Either way, she's staying. So get over it!"

Just as Rosalie finished her sentence, I took a step back and knocked over a stack of metal pans.

Oh great, now they knew I was standing there.

They both looked out the office door, and I did my best to look like I'd just walked up. "Oh, hey. I'm here for my shift."

Rosalie smiled. "Good. Go ahead and clock in and then you can clean up the bowls in the sink, and then go stock the front counter."

"Okay," I said, hurrying away from Edward's accusatory gaze as fast as I could.

I was hiding something, and running from something, but I didn't want to tell them. I didn't want to tell anyone. Not ever.

I was in the middle of refilling the napkin dispensers when Edward approached me. "Are you working for someone?" he asked.

"Um, for Rosalie."

He laughed. "Not what I mean. Are you working for my Uncle Marcus? Because if you are, and he sent you here to get to me, you can stop now. It's never gonna happen."

Well, it was always nice to get totally shot down by the one man who made you weak in the knees.

"Well, I don't know anyone named Marcus, so I think you're safe. I just wanted a job and to get away from my life. That's the only reason I'm here."

"You sure about that?" he asked, his arms folded over his chest.

Holy crap, the muscles in his forearms were bulging and I couldn't stop looking at them.

"Uh...yeah. I'm sure."

"Where are you from, Bella."

My eyes met his. I didn't want him to know. Not him. He couldn't know what I was really like. "I can't tell you that. Please don't ask me again."

I turned around and moved to the coffee pots, grabbing the empty ones and taking them to the back. They needed to be washed, and I needed away from Edward Cullen. Before I spilled my guts.

"Sorry about my brother," Rosalie said as she approached the sink where I stood.

"Oh, he's fine. He just sounds worried about you, that's all."

Rosalie sighed. "My family is just...it's kind of a mess, you know?"

I tried hard to contain my laughter. "Yeah, I know."

"My grandma had two children. The oldest was my mom, and then she has a younger brother, Marcus. He's kind of a bad seed. He's an alcoholic and he gambles a lot. He never helped my grandma out, so when she died, she left everything to my mom. My uncle wasn't happy, to say the least." Rosalie laughed a sad and twisted laugh.

If only she knew how closely I could identify to family issues. Not exactly like hers, but still.

"He was mad enough when my mom owned this place, but when she gave it to me? He went ballistic. Tried to drag us to court, claiming he deserved his fair share. My mom felt sorry for him and paid him a chunk of money. It was all in the lawsuit. He gave up all future claim in exchange for the money. It was gone in no time, and now he's trying to weasel his way back in."

"He sounds like a jerk," I said.

"Oh, you have no idea. Last year he sent this woman to town. Her name was Tanya, and she was like a swimsuit model or something. She picked up on Edward almost immediately. I didn't think much of it. I mean, I know he's my brother, but he's decent looking. It made sense, them together. She was too good to be true, though, and after a while we figured out she wasn't on the up and up. She finally admitted that Marcus had paid her to come here, seduce Edward, get knocked up with his baby, and make him marry her. Marcus figured that way he could get at at the money from Edward's part of the cafe. Too bad he didn't realize, Edward sold me his share two years ago. It's all mine and Emmett's, now."

Well, that explained a lot about Edward's sour mood all the time.

"Did he love her?" I asked. I knew I shouldn't.

"Who, Edward? Did he love Tanya? I think he might have. They were together almost a year. I think he wanted to marry her. He was pretty much devastated when we found out the truth. I think Tanya felt bad, but the damage had been done, you know? Edward's always been pretty leery since then."

"What about his skanks you mentioned? Like that Jessica girl?"

She laughed. "Oh, those are just girls who've been around here forever. They're an easy target, a sure thing, you know? Plus, they're pretty safe. Most of them are too stupid to trick Edward out of anything."

"Oh, good to know, I guess."

"I'm sorry he's so rude to you, Bella." Rosalie's words were sweet. I knew she meant them.

"It's okay, he doesn't trust me. I get it." I sighed. I wanted him to trust me. "I'll just have to see if I can change that."

Rosalie smiled a bright, wide smile. "I like your thinking, Bella Swan."

I laughed.

"Hey, where are you from, anyway?" she asked.

I grinned. "Washington."

"You're here on the up and up, right? You're not like, a fugitive or anything, are you?" I knew she was just getting answers to ease Edward's mind, so I tried not to take things too personally.

"No, not a fugitive. The only things I'm running from are ghosts in my past. And ever since I got here, I seem to be avoiding them pretty well."

I hurried back to the counter with the clean coffee pots. The afternoon rush would be starting soon, and I had a sexy man sitting in a corner booth to look forward to. Even though Edward had already talked to Rosalie, I knew he wouldn't miss lunch. It was meatloaf and potatoes day. Not even Edward Cullen could say no to that.

Now, I thought as I watched him stirring his glass of soda as he sat in his booth, what if I covered myself in potatoes and gravy...could he resist that? Maybe that would finally get his attention.

Maybe not. Plus...ew.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: See, everyone's got their baggage. :) I think you'll soon see why I keep saying how much I love this Edward. :)**

**So, you ever covered yourself in any kind of food? Let's just say whipped cream is good for about two minutes...then you just smell like sour milk. And that's not attractive. :D**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own are children who insist on talking to me through the bathroom door. Seriously? It's the only room in the house where I can close the door and get away from them, yet they stand there and have entire discussions with me. Why? :D It's the same way when I'm on the phone. They want nothing to do with me, until they realize I'm busy, then it's like World War 3 is happening and they can't wait to tell me all about it! :D Children...so fun. :D**

**Here's a little more surfing, and some moments that I really like. :) I do like this Edward...he's getting kinda great. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 16

The following morning found me on the beach, before the sun had even risen. It was cold, but I'd bought a new one-piece swimming suit. No more wardrobe malfunctions for Bella.

Edward showed up when he said he would, the same two boards from our first session under his arms.

"Ready?" he asked. He seemed unaffected by me. Like he didn't care. I figured that was better than him hating me like before.

I pulled on the wetsuit he handed me, even figuring out how to zip it. I didn't want to ask for his help again. It was bad enough he was trying to teach me how to surf.

"At least we'll get to spend more time in the water today," he said. "You remember what I taught you the other day, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I got it."

"Good. Let's go."

We spent a couple of hours in the waves, and I even managed to stand up a few times. Once it lasted for nine whole seconds.

That was longer than bull riders rode a bull.

I was pretty stoked about it.

We were walking on the beach, back to the surf shop when Edward spoke.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I know I sounded pretty bad. I just wanted to apologize."

"No, it's okay. You had valid concerns for your sister, I get it. Plus, you don't know me. Where I'm from, or who I am. I don't blame you for not trusting me."

He nodded, but didn't say anything else.

Once the boards were put away and I'd removed the wetsuit on my own, I gave him a wave and whispered "bye" and hurried back to my apartment. I was working later and wanted a nap before my shift.

The next couple of weeks went by in much the same manner. Every other day I'd get up early and go surfing with Edward. I was getting better. He was getting more tolerable. The one-piece swimming suit was working out great. Though one day he asked about the bikini, if something had happened to it.

I laughed.

He was so obviously a man. And maybe my boobs weren't as bad as I thought.

My parents planned to come visit me at Thanksgiving. It was the end of October, and I was anxious to see them. I'd never gone so long without seeing them at least once. Riley was looking forward to surfing a bit, though I had to warn him about how territorial a lot of the local guys were when it came to strangers surfing their beaches. Jacob promised to take Riley out with him, so I hoped that would be okay.

I let little things slide to Rosalie every so often. Like where I'd gone to school. Why I'd been traveling alone. Why I didn't have any pictures of family or friends. I never told her the big stuff, just enough to keep her happy. And so she wouldn't feel like I was hiding things from her. Even though I was.

She was my friend, and I liked spending time with her. Anytime we'd be having fun, thoughts of Alice would float through my mind, and suddenly I'd withdraw. Rosalie knew it. She never asked what it was about. She gave me space, and I loved her for it.

It was late one evening after my shift, and I was just heading off to bed when I heard a knock on my door. No one ever came to see me. Most people didn't even know I was there. I figured it was Rosalie, but was surprised to find Edward at the door.

His hair was wild. His clothes were wrinkled. His eyes were bleary. He smelled like liquor, and I didn't want to let him in.

"You know what I really hate about you being here?" he said when I opened the door. His words were slurred, and I wondered just how much he'd had to drink.

"What?" I asked. I wasn't sure I really wanted to know.

"I used to bring women back to this place. Rose never knew that, but I did. I'm not taking them to my apartment. You don't shit where you sleep, you know?"

I nodded. My heart was beating faster. But I couldn't help the yearning I felt for him.

"Now that you're here, I'd have to go to their place. I hate that. Maybe one night you can just go out or something. Let me borrow this place, okay?"

"Um, I don't think that's a good idea," I said. My stomach knotted over the idea of him being with other women, and on a pretty regular basis, from what it sounded like.

"Well, Bella...I gotta get laid somewhere, right? So maybe if I can't bring other women here, than I can just come here and be with you? How does that sound?" He smiled a lopsided smile at me as he leaned against the door frame.

"You...you want to...I mean, you wanna have sex...with me?" I sputtered.

"Why not? You're hot. I'm sure you're decent in the sack."

If only he knew how un-decent I was. He would run to find another woman and never even think of being with me.

"I don't know," I whispered.

He leaned forward, his face only inches from mine. His liquor scented breath fanned across my face. "Let me tell you a secret, Bella. I can't stay away from you...anymore."

I let out a sigh. "Then don't."

I didn't know where the words had come from, but they were out there. I'd said them. I meant them.

I wanted this man. But could my heart handle just being a notch on another man's bedpost?

"You're hard for me to read, Bella. I think you're hiding something, but I don't know what. I'm gonna find out, though, and you'll want me, too, one of these days. And then you'll let me in. I know it."

He was clearly drunk, but I stood silently by and nodded. He hadn't said anything that wasn't true. I did want him. I was hiding something. I would let him in. I would give him all of me, or at least all that was left.

His hand reached up and cupped my cheek. My eyes closed. It had been so long since someone touched me in that way. With affection.

"I'll see you in the morning," he whispered. Then his lips met mine.

And I was burning alive.

It was the best kiss I'd ever had in my life. And it lasted three seconds.

Then he threw up on my doorstep.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Seems someone misses the bikini. :) And I wonder why Edward's so drunk? Could it be all his unfulfilled sexual urges? :D Maybe having to see Bella in a swimming suit every other day, and not being able to do anything about that? Maybe that's why he runs off to that backroom in the surf shop after every surf lesson. :D Guess we'll see... :)**

**Thanks for the lovely comments in your reviews! You all make me so, so, SO happy. :)  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a bag of my favorite bagels, the ones with everything on them. And a bar of cream cheese. I love them. My hubs bought me bagels for my birthday last year... He got the wrong brand. Then he bought the whipped cream cheese, and honey nut at that. It was horrible. He now has STRICT instructions if he ever wants to buy me bagels again. He's not allowed to buy what HE likes and give it to me. :D**

**Little housekeeping issue. Just because Edward mentioned bringing women back to the apartment Bella's living in does NOT mean that it happened a lot. :D He was drunk when he said it, and he was fighting to not give in to the draw to her that he's feeling. Did he have sex with other women? Yeah, most guys do. :D But he didn't know Bella then. It's all good.**

**And yes, Bella is feeling very attracted to Edward. She has since she met him, but she's been dealing with it pretty well, I think. Just 'cause she likes him doesn't mean she's gonna drop on the floor and spread her legs. :D She's scared and nervous about any kind of relationship with Edward, but she's acknowledging the fact that she IS having feelings for him. It doesn't mean she's gonna give in to them...yet. :) Trust me, I know where this is going. :) These two have a ways to go. :)**

**Now, with that being said...hope you like this. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 17

The sun hadn't risen yet, but I was up. Sitting in a chair in my living room, watching Edward sleep on the couch. I couldn't, in good conscience, let him leave the night before. He was so drunk, falling all over himself. I didn't know where he lived or even if he'd be able to get back there in one piece.

After he threw up, he laughed and told me he was right, that I wanted him. Then I helped him lie down on the sofa, where he passed out.

I didn't sit up with him all night, I did sleep some. But once morning arrived, I was up and making coffee. I knew he'd need it. And if I was going to surf at all, I'd need it, too.

"Ung...my head," he whispered, moving a little bit.

I was silent, watching.

His eyes opened and he looked around. He'd obviously woken up on that couch before, because it didn't seem unfamiliar. When he turned his head and saw me, he groaned.

"What the...how did I get here?" he asked.

"Good morning to you, too," I said with a smile. "You want some coffee?"

He sat up, holding his head as he tried to nod.

I watched him as he drank one cup. And then a second. I watched him get up and walk to the bathroom. I watched him sink back into the couch. I couldn't stop watching him. Even in his obvious discomfort, he was beautiful. And nothing like Jasper.

"So, how did I get here?" he asked again.

"You showed up on my doorstep last night, complaining about how you can't bring women here anymore because of me."

"Oh, sorry."

"And then you asked if I'd leave one night so you could have a date here, or something."

"I did?" His voice was more quiet than before. I knew he was uncomfortable with our conversation. So I decided to lay it all out there.

"Then you suggested maybe you and I could just have sex here since you think I'm hot and decent in the sack. Then you said you can't stay away from me anymore, that I'm hard to read, and then you kissed me."

His eyes were wide as saucers as he slowly looked up and met my gaze.

"It was a fun night," I said with a smirk before taking another sip of coffee.

"I didn't do that, did I?"

I nodded. "Yeah, you did."

"Oh man...I'm sorry. That was totally out of line."

"Whatever, it's fine."

"No really, I'm sorry. What can I do to fix this?" he said, looking down at the floor as he shook his head.

I laughed. "You can clean up the vomit that's on my front porch."

His eyes snapped back to mine. I could tell it hurt his head to move that fact, but whatever. "I made you throw up?"

"No," I said. My smile grew wider. "You threw up. Right after you kissed me. I left it there for you. I hope that doesn't mean I'm a bad kisser."

A string of curse words mumbled across his lips and he apologized over and over again.

As he stood to leave, he promised to be back soon to clean the contents of his stomach from my sidewalk.

"So, we're not surfing this morning, I take it?" I asked.

"Uh, no. We'll go tomorrow. If that's alright."

"Sure thing," I said, then watched him walk out the front door.

The fact that he'd be back soon made my heart beat a little faster. Though I wouldn't be watching him clean my doorstep. I'd seen enough the night before.

The next day as we sat out in the water, our boards beneath us, Edward was quiet. He didn't tell me when to go or that any new wave sets were coming in. He just watched the shore as he floated next to me.

"I dated this woman last year. I thought I loved her, that I'd marry her and be happy, you know? It didn't end well, to say the least. And she'd been fooling me the whole time. Something like that's hard to get over," he said quietly. His eyes never moved from what he was watching.

"I know what you mean," I whispered.

"How could you? You're so young. What, are you like nineteen, twenty?"

I laughed. "Not quite. I turned twenty-two last month. Why, how old are you?"

"Twenty-six."

"See, not that much older."

"Yeah, I guess. I'm just guarded now, you know?"

I did know. And as the burning in my stomach began to intensify, I knew I had to tell him. He needed to know about my past. That way, he could get away from me before it was too late. Before either of us got hurt again. He deserved a warning.

"I know exactly what it's like to be fooled by someone you love. To be betrayed by people you trusted, people who were everything to you. I know what that is."

"What happened? Is that why you're here?" he asked, looking at me.

"I was married."

"Married? You're twenty-two."

"I know, kinda stupid. Whatever. I mean, my parents married at nineteen, and they're happy together. Age doesn't really matter, I don't think. If you're devoted and dedicated, it shouldn't matter whether your young or old. Anyone can make mistakes."

"Yeah, I guess. When did you get married?"

"Last Christmas."

He was silent for a moment. Thinking. "That's not even a year ago. But you're divorced already? And you've been here for two months. What happened?"

I could hear the sincerity in his voice. A tear slid down my cheek as I told him.

"He cheated on me. With my very best friend in the world. She was like my sister."

"Oh wow..."

"I caught them in our bed together. Three months after we got married. But they'd been fooling around for awhile before that. I saw them again in August. She's pregnant. I couldn't stay there anymore."

"Bella, I'm so sorry," he said softly. I knew he meant it.

"I don't know what I ever did to deserve something like that, but I couldn't just sit there and take it, you know? I filed for divorce. I managed to finish my degree before I left, but I haven't used it yet. I don't know if I will."

"You have a degree? In what?"

"Elementary education. I can teach in Washington, but not here. I'd have to get my teaching certificate for California. I just haven't done it. I didn't know if I'd stay here or not."

We were quiet for several minutes.

"I really hope you decide to stay here," he said, then paddled out to catch a wave.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: I like these two slowly opening up to each other. :) It works for me. :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a little zippered pocket in my purse where I put all of the movie ticket stubs I get when I go see movies. It makes me laugh that most of them are Twilight movies. :D But that's probably since I've seen each of them multiple times, so I've got multiple stubs. :D**

**I'm glad so many of you are liking Edward a little more. Give him a chance. The next few chapters are my favorites so far. :)**

**Like always, no one else has seen this, so everything good or bad is my fault. If you wanna complain, the line starts behind my hubs, and kids, and friends, and church responsibilities... It might be a while before I get to you. :D But I'm doing my best. :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 18

Things between Edward and I started to change after that. I was scared, but so was he. I didn't trust him, but he didn't trust me, either. Neither of us wanted to get hurt again, so we were being careful. Probably too careful.

My family came to visit the week of Thanksgiving. Just like I thought, they all fell in love with the area, even my dad. I invited them to stay with me, but they'd made reservations at the bed and breakfast just up the street. Jacob took Riley out surfing a few times, and they really hit it off.

The week was wonderful and exactly what I'd been needing to take my mind off things. Not that things were bad. Just that Edward and I weren't what I'd hoped we'd be. But I was scared of being what I hoped for. I didn't know if I was ready yet.

"You look happy," my mom said one evening as we sat on the beach watching Riley and Jacob surf while my dad searched for sea glass.

"I am. You know, for a long time I didn't think I'd ever be happy again, but this place... It's like I belong here, ya know? There's something about it. I love it. I've loved it since the first morning I stood out on that pier and stared at the water."

She smiled. "I can tell. Do you think you might stay here for good? Are you ever coming home?"

I sighed. "I don't know yet. I might see if I can test for my teaching certificate here. There's an elementary school in town, maybe I could teach there."

"Sounds like you're figuring things out. That's good."

"Yeah, I guess." I smiled at her, hoping she would see that this really was what I wanted.

She was quiet for a moment, then she spoke softly. Hesitating just a bit. "So, you think in a town this size you'll ever find a guy you might be interested in? I mean, assuming you ever want to try that again?"

I was silent for too long, and she knew.

"So, there's already someone. I see."

"I don't know yet. Nothing's happened, but I want it to."

"Have we met him?" she asked. I could tell she was nervous that I'd say it was Jacob. But it wasn't Jacob.

"Um, no, not yet. He'll be at Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, though. He's Rosalie's brother. He works in the surf shop on the beach back over there," I said, pointing toward his shop.

Rosalie had invited my family to her parent's house for Thanksgiving dinner. They lived just outside of Cambria in a vineyard that they operated. I had yet to meet them, but I knew Edward would be there. I didn't even have to think twice before I accepted her offer.

The day went well, and Edward's parents were kind and interesting, and very welcoming to us. Emmett's mother and younger siblings came, too, so it was a good group of people.

Edward and I danced around each other all day. He smiled at me, I'd wink at him. He would trail his fingers across my back as he passed me, I rubbed by chest against his arm as I slid between him and the door frame.

He groaned just the slightest bit when I did that. It made me smile.

My parents and Riley really liked Edward and Rosalie and their family, and I did, too. Their mother, Esme, was so nice to me, telling that she'd heard all about me from the two of them. When she mentioned Edward talking about me, she got a certain look in her eyes, and I wondered just what he'd told her. It was like she knew something I didn't. As if he'd confided in her about me.

It made me nervous.

It made me anxious.

It made me horny, is what it did.

It took every ounce of strength I had to not jump him when he offered to help me out to my car with the bags of leftovers that Esme was sending home with me.

He was so close, and he smelled so good. He hadn't shaved in a while, and what had once been a five o'clock shadow and then scruff, had turned into the beginnings of a beard.

It was so sexy, and I whimpered as I pressed my thighs together in an effort to stop the tingling that was starting to build.

"Good night, Bella," he whispered into my ear, his lips touching my earlobe just the slightest bit.

I almost passed out. I wanted him.

It was hard when Sunday rolled around. My family was leaving, and I knew they were sad to go. After making me promise to come home for Christmas, at least for a couple of days, I said goodbye and watched them drive away.

My apartment seemed quieter that night, and I curled up on my couch to watch television.

A knock just after ten o'clock startled me, and when I opened the door, I was surprised to see Edward there.

"I'm not drunk this time," he said. His voice was light and happy.

"You wanna come in?" I asked.

"No, come out with me. Let's go get ice cream. The place down the street's open until eleven."

I smiled. Ice cream I could handle. Even if I wasn't sure I was ready for anything else.

Yet.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Seems like I had something I needed to say. I don't remember what it was. Sounds about like something I'd do. :D**

**Thank you so much for all the wonderful and sweet reviews. They make me giddy. I know a lot of times people think "Oh, that so-and-so-author, she's just saying that" but it's true! :D You should see me smiling and giggling and "ahhhh"ing over each one. It's kinda pitiful. Luckily my family is used to it by now. :D**

**We're moving along in the story, getting where we need to be. :) I always like when that happens. :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a zit that's killing my nose. Seriously? I thought zits were supposed to stop after you're out of your teens. What the heck? It's just not right...**

**I like this chapter. It might be my favorite so far. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 19

It quickly became our nightly ritual. Each night after my shift, or around ten o'clock on the nights I didn't work, Edward would show up on my door step. I'd follow him down the street for ice cream. We'd find our way to the beach where we'd sit and talk for hours. It was usually about nothing important. It was usually about our day. It was usually about surfing.

Once it was about Tanya.

Once it was about Jasper.

And once it was about Alice.

The more I got to know Edward, the more I liked him. And not just for his good looks. Not that I didn't still appreciate those. He took my breath away every time I looked at him. But what was on the inside...it was even more beautiful.

He was smart. And funny. He was nice and helpful. On the nights when it was chilly and I hadn't brought a coat, he'd put his arm around me and keep me warm. On the nights when the weather was perfect, he'd hold my hand and never push for anything more.

One night I let my curiosity get the best of me. I asked him about Jessica, the skank, and the other girls that Rosalie had alluded to.

"They were just ways to pass the time. Company, really. Someone who wouldn't judge me and didn't want anything from me. Well, anything real, anyway."

"Did you sleep with them?"

"Yeah, some of them. It didn't mean anything. It was just a release, a way to get by. I didn't think I'd ever find anyone special again, you know? And to be honest, I didn't want to."

"I know what you mean," I told him. I did know. I knew exactly. And it wasn't fun.

"I haven't seen any of them since that first day I met you," he said quietly.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I took Jessica home that day and that was it. Not that I thought I'd be with you or anything. I mean, why would you want someone as screwed up as me, you know? That wouldn't be fair to you."

"I felt the same way about you. I have all these...issues in my past, and I've done a pretty good job avoiding them, I think, but I haven't had to really trust anyone yet. Not the way I trusted them. I'm afraid I won't be able to do it. And that's not fair to you."

"I'll try if you will," he said, his thumb rubbing softly against my palm. "I want to feel that way again. I want to know that it's possible again. I need that."

His eyes were full of honestly, sincerity. I wanted to trust him. I wanted it to be easy. Instinctive. But it wasn't.

"It might take me a while," I whispered.

"I can wait."

"Okay."

I leaned my head against his shoulder, staring out at the waves that were reflecting the moon light. I felt his lips on my head, in my hair, kissing me softly over and over again.

"Did he really cheat on you?" he asked.

I swallowed down my nerves. "Yeah."

"He's an idiot."

I laughed a little. "I guess, maybe."

"No, he is. And this might not sound right, but if I'm being honest, I'm glad he did."

I leaned away from him, looking into his eyes. How could he think that? How could he want me to experience that kind of pain? I was blinking back tears as his hand reached up and cupped my face, his thumb rubbing along my cheek bone.

"Because if he hadn't, if he hadn't been the biggest jerk and asshole in the world, I wouldn't have you."

I let out a shaky breath, understanding what he meant. And it was true.

My hand reached up to his jaw, fingers stretching across the scruff that had grown out, so long and so much softer. I searched his eyes, finding only truth in the way he looked at me. I leaned, and he leaned, and like magnets our lips met. It was simple, careful. His lips covered my top lip, mine covered his bottom, and then they moved. Gentle at first, and loving, then more determined, stronger. As I opened mine a bit, his tongue licked at me, tasting me, urging mine to slide against it. To taste him, too.

We sat side by side on the beach, kissing and kissing and kissing, and my mind wandered back to another man I'd done the same thing with, such a long time ago. What Jasper did...it ripped me apart. And it was Edward who was trying desperately to put me back together...piece by piece.

Now I just had to let him.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: I like ice cream. Man, I'm kinda wishing the story was real...ice cream every night and you still look totally hot in your swimming suit. Yeah...fantasy world. :D**

**Slow. I think these two need slow. But not too slow... :D**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a nightgown that I love, yet should never wear again. But I can't help it...it's super comfy. :D It's so threadbare, you can practically see through it. :D The hubs loves it, but I hate wearing it around my kids. :D Ew. :D I really should buy some new clothes... :D**

**Thanks for falling so hard for this Edward. See, I told you to just wait and be patient. :D **

**I'm a little nervous about the whole Jasper and Alice thing. I feel like I'm going to upset a lot of you with how things turn out in that area of the story. Please just keep in mind that I'm writing this the way I see it in my head. I can't do anything different than that, so please just know this is really the way I see things going with them. Not that there's a big chunk of it right here, but there's a bit. The rest will come later. :)**

**Ready for some jingle bells? :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 20

Christmas time came along quickly. I'd promised my parents that I'd come home for three days. That was all I could handle. I didn't want to tempt fate any more than I had to. Seeing Alice's baby bump in August had me wondering how far along she could have been, and when the baby would be due. I was dealing with things much better now that I had opened up to Edward, but seeing Jasper and Alice with a baby? There was no way I would behave like an adult if faced with that situation.

My mom never told me anything. I knew she must have heard things. She was friends with Alice's mom, though I knew they hadn't been as close over the past year. Each time she called I held my breath through the entire conversation, waiting for her to say something like, "I ran into Cynthia the other day..." But she never did.

Edward encouraged me to talk to Rosalie more about what had happened. He was glad that I told him things and that we were getting closer, but he knew I could use a girlfriend to talk to. Aside from Edward, Rosalie had become my best friend, and even though it was hard to admit things I was embarrassed about, I told her everything.

She was so supportive and helpful to me, even mentioning a friend of hers who lived in Morro Bay and was a therapist. I thought about maybe visiting with her, just so that I could wrap my head around what happened. I hated that I still felt like some of it was my fault, but how could I not?

Edward offered to drive me to San Luis Obispo to catch my plane. I didn't want to leave my car there for three days while I was gone, and to be honest, I wanted the extra time with him.

Christmas vacation brought a lot of extra tourists to town, and both the cafe and the surf shop had been busier than ever. Plus, with the fact that the water had been bitterly cold over the past week or so, it meant we hadn't had a lot of time alone together.

"Be careful, okay?" he said as he walked me into the terminal. It was a small county airport, so there wasn't much to it, but it would get me where I needed to go. And it was a lot faster than driving.

"I will. I hope you have a nice Christmas," I said with a smile. "I left your gift with Rosalie. I knew if I gave it to you now, you'd open it. And I don't want you to open it until Christmas morning."

He smiled and shook his head. "You know me too well, Bella."

We laughed and he kissed me several times before the plane started boarding.

"I'll miss you," he sighed, holding me tight against his chest.

"It's only three days. You're gonna come back and pick me up, right? My flight comes in at ten, remember?"

"I won't forget, don't worry."

The look in his eyes was guarded, nervous. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but there wasn't time.

"I have to go."

He swallowed, his neck muscles tensing as he did. "I know."

"I will be back, okay? Don't worry."

"I know," he nodded. I could see in his eyes, he didn't completely believe me.

I kissed him once more, then boarded my plane. Just before we took off, I sent him a text.

_I miss you already._

Because I did.

Forks was the same as always. I spent time at home with my family, not really wanting to venture out into town. I had no idea what I'd run into, and I was hoping to avoid anything that would send me into a tailspin.

My flight back to California was the day after Christmas. I was leaving late in the afternoon from the airport in Port Angeles. That morning, my mother begged me to go to the local department store with her, so that she could take advantage of a few after Christmas sales. I felt bad sending her alone, and I knew she wanted to spend time with me. So I went.

As we perused the aisles, laughing and talking and having a good time, we bumped into someone. It wasn't who I was expecting.

"Cynthia," my mother said.

It was Alice's mom. She was alone, which I was grateful for. Until I saw the baby carrier on the basket she was pushing.

I just knew. I knew who the baby was.

"Hi Renee, Isabella," she said. She was nervous, I could tell. I felt bad for that. It wasn't her fault what had happened between Alice and I.

"How are you?" my mother asked, trying to be polite.

They made small talk while I stood nearby, pretending to look at whatever it was that was on the shelf in front of me. I had no clue what it was. I didn't care.

Neither of them said a word about the baby, nor about Alice. But the curiosity was killing me. I needed to know something. Anything.

The overhead speaker announced a sale in the kitchen section, and my mother's eyes lit up. "That's what I've been waiting for," she said. I knew she wanted to take me with her, or for me to follow her, but I didn't.

"Okay, I'll be there in a second."

Once she left, I turned to Cynthia. "Is that Alice's baby?" I asked.

Her face took on a pained expression. She nodded. "Oh Izzy, I'm so sorry. I don't know what she was thinking, how she could have done this."

I nodded. I didn't know either.

"She's just not herself lately. The past year or so...I don't know what happened to her. She was never like this before."

"Is she here?"

"No, she's in Seattle still. They're together, but who knows for how long. Things don't seem to be going that well."

"How old is the baby?" I asked.

"She's about a month old."

Thinking quickly I realized that if the baby was full term, and she looked like it from what I could see, Alice was just barely pregnant when I found out about them. That explained a lot. Why neither of them tried to find me, tried to contact me, tried to work through things with me. Why neither of them fought harder for me.

"Oh, I see."

The baby was sleeping. I didn't ask her name or anything else, I just looked at her. I could see both Alice and Jasper in her facial features. I fought back tears as I reached out and touched her little hand.

She was beautiful. And it made me so sad that I couldn't share what should have been Alice's greatest joy with her. When we were little girls, we always talked about growing up and marrying best friends, living next door to each other, raising our kids together. Now I was finally accepting the fact that it would never happen.

Even more than I'd ever missed Jasper, I missed Alice. I missed the friendship we'd had. She was like my sister, and I'd loved her. I still did, I knew it. But I hated what she'd done to me.

"Isn't it strange how something so horrible can lead to something so beautiful?" Cynthia asked.

It made me think. She wasn't just talking about the baby, though she didn't know it.

She was talking about Edward, too.

"I have to go. Please don't feel bad around my mom anymore, okay? It's not your fault, and I don't blame you for what happened. I don't know why Alice did what she did, but I miss her. I'm just sorry this all had to happen."

Cynthia hugged me and I could feel her shaking as she silently cried. I smiled before turning and walking away.

Before leaving for Port Angeles, I pulled out my cell phone. Edward and I had been texting constantly during the days I was away, but after my morning, I had something I needed to tell him. And it needed to be now, before I lost my nerve.

_I want more. I'm ready._

Because I did, and I was.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Some of you asked if Edward would go home with Bella for Christmas. I think they're still too new for that to happen. Maybe like Spring Break or during the summer or something, but really, they've only been "dating" officially for about a month. :) They've liked each other longer than that, but yeah...it's still kinda new. :)**

**I think it's interesting, whether Bella realizes it or not, that she's become best friends with Rosalie and is dating Edward, which pretty much means if things stay this way, she'll never have to worry about her best friend stealing her man again. :D I'm thinking she's purposefully set it up this way on some subconscious level. :D And did you catch Edward being nervous about Bella going back to Forks? Since it won't be addressed, I don't think, I'll just say that he was worried she wouldn't come back. I think he felt like maybe she would go home and see Jasper and just decide to stay and work it out. Remember, he's dealing with his own demons, too. :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a fan that squeaks...a lot. :D But I live in the desert...it was 105 today and it's supposed to be over 110 all next week. I can live with a squeaky fan as long as it's cooling me off. :D**

**There a picture of Bella's Christmas gift to Edward on my Facebook group, if you wanna see it. It's kinda cool. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 21

"I loved my gift," Edward said as we drove back to Cayucos from the airport.

"You did? It wasn't too silly or anything?"

He smiled. "It was perfect. I couldn't have asked for anything better. Although, my mom started looking into wedding venue's, so beware of that."

We laughed, though inside my stomach flip-flopped a little bit. Would I ever want to get married again? Would I ever trust someone enough to do that? If it was Edward, could I get passed my hang-ups? Could he?

I'd gotten the idea for Edward's gift one day when Jacob's younger sister came into the cafe with a bunch of pictures she'd taken of him and his friends surfing. She had a knack for capturing the perfect moment, and I asked her if she'd secretly take some pictures of Edward and I during our surf lessons.

The black and white images she caught were incredible, and I'd put all of my favorites together in a framed photo collage. It was round and metal, and I thought it looked a little like the curl of a wave. I hoped he wouldn't think it was too cheesy, and not all of the pictures were of us together. Most were of us alone, but I hoped that regardless of what happened between us, relationship-wise, he'd always love the memories those pictures would bring him.

"I wish there were more of both of us, but I love the ones of just you. You look really great on the water," he said, reaching over and taking my hand.

I laced our fingers together and sighed, happy to be back with him.

"Did you have a good visit?" he asked. I knew he was worried. He wasn't really asking if I'd had fun with my family. He was asking if I'd run into Alice or Jasper.

"Yeah, it was good. I saw Alice's mom this morning. She had the baby with her."

"Oh, how was it?"

"The baby's beautiful. I was sad, mostly about what happened with Alice. I guess that's an improvement, right? That I only really missed Alice now?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

He told me about his holiday with his parents, and that his Uncle Marcus had shown up at his parent's house. Esme had been pretty upset by it, and they ended up calling the police to get him to leave. Rosalie was really on edge, Edward said, and I understood that.

When we got back to town, he took me to my apartment. "Do you wanna come in?" I asked.

He helped me with my bags and we settled onto the sofa to watch television for a little while.

"You wanna surf tomorrow morning?" he asked.

I knew it would be cold, but I wanted to. He kept his arm around my shoulders, kissing me lightly on my temple every so often. But he never tried anything more. After about an hour, I was done waiting.

"You know," I said, turning and shifting my body so that I was straddling his lap. "I meant what I said. I want more, I'm ready for more with you."

He watched me closely, his hands on my hips as his fingers squeezed the fabric of my t-shirt.

"I know, I just...I don't want to rush this, Bella."

"Trust me," I whispered before kissing him hard on the mouth.

My fingers were in his hair, scratching and pulling and twisting the soft brown locks. Sometimes when we were surfing, I could see a hint of red shining through. I loved it.

I pressed my chest against his, letting my hips push down on him. I could feel him hardening beneath me, and I knew he was enjoying himself as much as I was.

My mouth left his, and I moved to his neck, kissing and sucking and tasting him. I continued to writhe above him, grinding and pushing down on him. A little moan left his throat and I took that as a signal. I reached down to find the hem of his shirt and started to pull up.

"Bella, wait," he said. I didn't listen. I kept going. "No, Bella, wait."

His hands tightened on my hips, pushing me back a bit.

"What?" I asked, completely breathless over what we were doing.

"We can't do this. Not right now."

He wouldn't meet my eyes, and suddenly my mind started to race. Was he hiding something? Had something happened while I was away? Had he changed his mind?

Rejection washed over me, and I moved from him lap, scooting a few feet away on the couch.

"I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to..."

"Bella, please, I-"

"No, it's my fault. I should have known." Tears were beginning to sting my eyes, and I stood from the couch. "You can let yourself out. I'll see you later."

"Bella, wait."

I didn't stop. I couldn't let him see me fall apart. What was wrong with me? Why didn't any man want me? First Jasper, and now Edward. I thought we were on the same page, I thought he liked me the same way I liked him. I knew the pictures of us together were too much.

I had to get away from him.

I turned to close my bedroom door and he was right behind me. "Would you wait, please? Don't do this. Don't run away from me. Just give me a chance to explain, okay?" he begged.

"You don't need to explain. I was wrong and that's just how it is. I guess I should get used to it."

"Get used to what? What are you talking about?"

I sniffled and reached up to wipe the tears from my cheeks. "That you don't want me."

"Bella..." His arms wrapped around me and pulled me against him. I let go, letting out the sobs that were beginning to consume me. "You silly girl, how could you think I don't want you?" he asked.

"He didn't want me, either. I thought you were different."

"Bella, I am different. I want you. Believe me. I'm just trying to take things slow. I don't want to go too fast, to ruin this. I want this to work, okay? Please, believe me. I'm just scared of messing things up."

"But I'm okay with doing more than just kissing. I want to." I looked up into his eyes, hoping he would see the sincerity in me.

"Honey, I know you think right now that you want to do more than kiss, but why? Why all of the sudden do you want to slam on the gas in our relationship? I'm just worried it has more to do with your time away, and less to do with me."

The hurt in his eyes was evident. I didn't want him to think that's what I was trying to do—that I was trying to get over the hurt from seeing Alice's baby by moving our physical relationship forward.

"No, that's not it," I whispered.

We stood silently together for a few moments, just staring at one another. Finally, he let out a deep breath.

"Bella, I don't want to mess this up. I feel things for you that I've never felt before. Not for anyone." His hand moved up to cup my cheek, his thumb wiping the tears away from under my eye. "Sweetheart, I'm in love with you. I know I am. And it'll kill me if we move too fast and then you change your mind. I just want to be careful. Please."

"You love me?" I asked. Wanting to believe his words.

"Yeah, I do."

I hugged him tight, smiling against his chest as I sniffled. I let a few more tears go.

"I love you, too."

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Well, we have their first "I Love You's" so that's kinda sweet. :D And Bella's head is getting to her again. As is Edward's. But I like that they talk about things. I'm trying to keep the angst dialed down here, believe it or not. :D These two communicate WAY more than the Edward's and Bella's in my other stories. :D**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own in a car with a tire that apparently ran over a nail tonight when I went to get dinner for my lovely family. I've never done that before. :( My poor hubs is out changing the tire...at 11:30 at night...since he has to be at work at 7 in the morning. :( If I actually KNEW how to change a tire, I'd do it myself. But yeah...I don't think he'd want to drive a car with a tire I'd changed on it. :D**

**There are more pictures from this chapter in the Facebook group. 3 of the gifts mentioned in this chapter are on there. I always like seeing what the author is picturing when writing a story. :D**

**As always, mistakes are mine. So...sorry. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 22

Edward stayed with me for a few hours, holding me and kissing me and telling me over and over again that he loved me.

I couldn't remember ever being so happy.

After that night I didn't feel like I needed to rush anything. Edward promised me that he was in it with me, and would be as long as I wanted him to be. I wasn't sure if I should tell him that might be forever. I didn't want to scare him away.

Early the next morning, he came by to get me before we went to surf. In his arms he held two surfboards. One was the one he always used, and the other was a white and green board. It was sleek and smaller than the blue one I normally used.

"What's that?" I asked.

He smiled bright at me. "Merry Christmas."

I loved it, even though it took me a several tries to get used to it.

We made a point to see each other every day. That was easy, since he came in for lunch each afternoon. If we weren't too busy, I'd sit with him and just be while he ate. I'd hold his hand, play with his hair, watch him chew, lay my head against his shoulder. It was incredible, and so much different than my relationship with Jasper had been. It was better.

He took me to his place one night, which ended up being right next door to Rosalie's house. It was a newer townhouse style home, and it was only a few doors down from where I lived. I was happy to see the pictures I'd given him for Christmas hanging on the wall in the living room. He smiled before pulling me toward the couch and onto his lap. I didn't watch a lot of the movie he put on. I mostly just enjoyed sitting next to him, inhaling his scent, feeling his arms around me.

It was perfect.

As the weeks passed, and Valentine's Day got closer and closer, I wondered if Edward would want to take things farther with our relationship. We were comfortable kissing, lying on the sofa together, and making out a little bit, but our hands never wandered. Clothes never came off. We never got carried away.

I knew he had to be frustrated, I'd felt how hard he got, and I'd seen him adjust himself. But he didn't give in, he didn't waver on his stand. It was driving me crazy. But I needed it. I needed the slow.

One evening, as Rosalie sat discussing her Valentine's plans with Emmett, I was reminded of the year before. Jasper and I's first and only Valentine's day as a married couple. He had been so romantic, bringing me roses and candy, buying me a beautiful necklace and taking me out to dinner. I hadn't thought twice when he left for work late that night. Now, knowing he most likely spent the night with Alice, I suddenly lost my excitement for the day.

I knew it wasn't fair to Edward. But I couldn't help it.

"What's wrong?" Rosalie asked.

"Nothing...just, thinking."

She sighed. "Sorry. I didn't think about how this holiday would affect you. Are you gonna be okay?"

"I hope so."

"Well," she smiled, "if it's any help, I know Edward's pretty excited. I think he has something special planned."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Just, if you're worried, talk to him. He'll understand, trust me."

When the big day finally arrived, he told me to be ready by seven that evening. I had no idea what he had planned, but I was a little bit anxious. I had made myself stop thinking about Jasper. He didn't deserve my thoughts anymore. I wouldn't let him ruin the night for me and Edward.

There was a knock on my door and when I opened it, I nearly fell to my knees. Edward was there in black slacks and a white long-sleeved button-down shirt with a red tie. He held a little gift bag in his hands, and he smiled when he saw me.

"You look amazing, Sweetie," he said

I smoothed down the fabric of my burgundy colored wrap-dress and blushed. "Thank you. So do you."

I noticed he had shaved, and the smell of his aftershave and cologne were almost intoxicating. I couldn't believe he wanted me. There must have been some mistake.

Not that I was going to correct it if there was.

"You ready to go?" he asked.

I nodded, reaching for my purse that was laying on the coffee table.

"I got you something," he said. Inside the bag was a little box. When I opened it, there was a bracelet with several different little silver heart charms.

"It's beautiful."

"I know Valentine's day is all about hearts, but you own mine, so I thought it was kinda fitting. Can I put it on you?"

I kissed him, not wanting to let the moment pass by. "Yes, please."

I loved it, and I grasped his hand as he walked us to his car.

We had dinner in Morro Bay, then came back to Cayucos and parked Edward's car at his house. He held my hand as we walked down the street to our ice cream place, got our cones, and headed toward the beach.

The waves crashed into the shore as a breeze blew around us.

"What made you stop in Cayucos that first day? You said you were just passing through, so what made you stay?"

I thought for a moment, letting out a long breath. "I don't know, it just felt right. I felt like I was supposed to be here. I couldn't leave."

He smiled. "I'm glad you felt that way. Rose said the same thing about you when you first got here. She said she felt like you belonged here, like you belonged with us. I didn't know what she meant. But I think I do now."

"My mom asked me if I was ever going home, to Washington. I told her I didn't know, that I didn't think so. I want to be here. I want to be with you."

His hand touched my face, his fingers pushing behind my ear and into my hair. "I want you here with me," he whispered against my lips just before he kissed me.

Kissing Edward was almost a spiritual experience. I swore I heard angels singing, the heavens opening, and all was right with the world. No matter how often we did it, it was never enough.

"Let's go back to my house," he said.

He'd never said it in quite the same tone before, and as my eyes looked into his, I knew he didn't mean it the same way.

He wanted more, too. Finally.

And I was ready.

"I got your gift, it's at my place," I told him. "Can we go there instead?"

He nodded and smiled, then I stood and pulled on his hand until he was standing next to me, walking alongside me.

I'd gotten him two gifts. One was a special surfboard wax he was always talking about. It was hard to find, and I'd had to special order it, but I knew he'd love it.

The other gift was silky and lacy and red, and I didn't know if I'd need it or not. I figured I'd wait and see what happened, then give him the appropriate gift at the end of the night.

Since things were going the way I'd hoped they would, he'd be getting both gifts.

We walked into my apartment, locking the door behind us. He stood so close to me, like he was afraid to move to far away. Like maybe I'd disappear.

"Here's one of your gifts," I said, handing him the wax.

"Oh wow, thank you so much. How'd you find this?" he asked.

I laughed at how happy he was. I'd done good.

"Your other gift is in my room. Hang on, I'll go get it."

He sat down on the couch and I hurried to the bedroom, grabbing the negligee and stepping into my closet to change. Once I was ready, I took a deep breath, and prayed with all I had that I'd read the signs right. I knew if I was way off base, we could just laugh about it and I didn't need to be embarrassed. Edward knew what I wanted, he would never make fun of me for it.

I debated over lying on the bed, or standing in the doorway. I finally decided my boobs probably looked perkier if I was standing, so I moved to the doorway and called for Edward.

He rounded the corner and stopped. Frozen. His eyes were firmly fixed on me, his chest rising rapidly.

"Happy Valentine's Day," I softly said.

We stood like that for a few moments before he finally stalked toward me. The hungry look in his eyes reminded me of a predator hunting it's prey. I knew that if Edward wanted to attack me, I'd be okay with it.

"What's this?" he asked, reaching out as he got closer to me. His hand touched the edge of the fabric and pulled it toward him a few inches, away from my body. I could feel the whisper of a breeze when it floated back against my skin.

"I just thought that maybe it's time. We've waited so long, and I'm ready to not wait any more."

"Bella..."

"Edward, I know, okay? And if you don't want to, we don't have to. I just thought...I want this day to be special, for us. And I'm not doing this because of anyone else. It's because of us. You and me. I want to be with you. I want to love you and have you love me, too. I want to show you what you mean to me."

"Are you sure, Bella?" He looked conflicted. But I could tell he wanted to. He was just concerned about me and where my head was.

"Yes, so sure," I whispered.

His hands slid up my body to my face, pulling my lips to his. He kissed me for several seconds, his tongue snaking out to slide against mine.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too, Edward."

And with that, he followed me into my bedroom.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: I know, I know...cockblocked. But it HAS to stop here. **

**As always, thanks for the amazing comments in your reviews. I really do love them. ;)**

**Also, I just wanted to mention here that the FAGE4 story that was written FOR me was posted. Check it out, it's so good. :)**

**Giving Chase by chartwilightmom - _"I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to chase after me. But instead you just watched me leave..." _**

**http():()/www().()fanfiction().()net/s/8219885/1/Giving_Chase**

**Take out the ()'s. I hope you love it as much as I do. :) Make sure and leave her some love, too. She did a great job with the prompt I gave her. :)**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own are two brand new little twin nieces, who were born yesterday evening. I'm so excited for my brother and his wife. They've waited a very long time for these little girls... :)**

**Sorry about where last chapter stopped. And where this one stops. You'll see... :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 23

It had been nearly a year since I'd been in this situation. Nearly a year since I'd been like this with Jasper. Sure, we'd had our little quickie in the men's room after our divorce was finalized, but that hadn't been about love. When I thought about it, I realized the majority of times we'd had sex during our last month or so hadn't felt like they were about love. He was always in a hurry. Always distracted. Always done before I was.

I'd tried to not let it bother me. Now that I knew what else was going on at the time, I understood why Jasper had been acting so strange.

With Edward it was different. He was sweet, loving, and I knew he loved me. He wanted me, and only me.

I led him into the bedroom, my hands grasping at the waistband of his pants. His hands were on my face, in my hair. Our lips moving together. When my legs hit against the edge of the bed, I pulled my mouth away from his. Looking up at him, I tried to turn off the memories I had of times before. Times when I'd been like this with Jasper. I didn't want him ruining this, too.

My eyes locked with Edward's and I sat down, moving my hands to the buckle of his belt. Slowly, I undid it, never taking my eyes away from his. His hand moved through my hair, wrapping fingers around curls, tracing a palm over loose locks of brown.

"You're so beautiful," he mumbled, and I slid my hands up his chest to his tie, pulling it ever so gently as I loosened it, then removed it.

His shirt buttons were next, and I was glad my fingers were small, that they could easily manipulate the little white disks. Once that was done, I untucked the shirt, then opened it and pushed it over his shoulders and down his arms.

His chest was bare and my eyes lowered as I took in each muscle, each line, each curve of his body that I loved so much.

"Bella," he whispered, and I moved forward to place a kiss on his stomach.

He didn't have a lot of chest hair, but the bit that was there was more than enough for me. My fingers skimmed through it, tracing over his collarbones, his shoulders, his chest and stomach.

When I looked up at him again, there was a hunger, a need there. His eyes were burning through me, and I let my fingers fall to his pants again, unbuttoning them, then unzipping them. Somewhere along the way he'd kicked off his shoes, and his pants fell to the floor, pooling around his ankles.

I scooted back on the bed, lying with my head on a pillow and waiting for him. His hands hit the mattress, followed by his knees, and he crawled toward me, his mouth placing kisses on my thigh, my hip, my stomach, my chest, my neck, my face.

He hovered over me, his bare body only inches above mine, and then he paused.

"I don't have any protection with me. It's at my house, that's why I was gonna take you there."

I smiled. "You never take anyone to your house for sex, remember?"

"You're not just anyone, Bella."

My teeth sunk into my bottom lip at his words, then I smirked. "Good thing I stopped by the drugstore, huh?"

I reached over to the nightstand next to the bed, and pulled open the drawer. Inside was a new twelve pack of condoms that I'd bought. I had no idea what size Edward would need, or what kind, so I tried to pick something that I figured would be safe. From what I'd felt of him, I thought he might be a little larger than Jasper, so I bought the biggest size they had.

"Will these work?" I asked.

He laughed. "You've thought of everything, haven't you?"

"I just wanted it to be perfect, to be right. I didn't want you to worry about anything."

He leaned down and kissed me again, letting his lips linger on mine. "I only worry about you, Sweetheart."

The condom box was opened, then discarded back into the drawer for later. Edward kissed me, licked me, sucked me, worshiped my body in ways I'd never experienced before. It was like heaven, and I never wanted him to stop.

The straps of my nightie were lowered, exposing my breasts for him.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to see these again. Every day, you in that swimming suit, teasing me... Do you know how many times I've had to jerk off in the bathroom of the surf shop after our surfing lessons?"

I giggled at his revelation. "No, really?"

"Oh yeah."

His mouth latched on to my nipple and I forgot everything he'd just said.

His fingers slowly made their way down my body, never moving too fast or with too much pressure. Soon they were pushing under the fabric of the little red panties I was wearing, sliding through my folds. It made me arch up off the bed, pushing my chest against Edward's waiting mouth.

He continued his perfect torture, then shifted so that he could slide the underwear off my body. His boxers soon followed, and I watched as he knelt before me, rolling the condom onto his length. My chest heaved with excitement, and when he lowered himself over me again, moving between my thighs, I waited with a nervous craving to feel him.

He stared into my eyes for a moment, and I'd never seen so much love in anyone before.

"I love you, Bella Swan," he said. Then he leaned down to kiss me as he pushed himself inside of my body.

The stretch burned so good, and he paused for a moment, letting my body acclimate to him. It wasn't long before he was moving, thrusting, pumping in and out. He continued to lavish me in kisses, and my hands raked up and down his back.

After only a few moments, his pace picked up and he groaned, grunted, then stilled above me.

It was over.

He let out several deep breaths, then pulled out and moved to my side, laying down on the bed next to me. "Ah, Bella...honey, I don't what happened."

I was still next to him, my hand ghosting over my body until my fingers reached my lips, cautiously tracing over them.

I knew what happened.

"We can try again in a little while, if you want. Or I can touch you again."

His hand skimmed across my hip bone, moving toward my center, and I rolled away.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it."

"Bella, I'm sorry."

My mind swam, sadness washing over me as I forced myself to face reality.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about," I told him, my voice dead of any emotion.

I'd ruined everything. I didn't know what to do now.

"Bella, I-"

"Don't worry about it," I snapped, then sat up on the bed. "It is what it is, right?"

I stood and walked into the bathroom, leaving what I was sure was a bewildered Edward on the bed. Once the door was closed, I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked at my face, my shoulders, my chest, my hips, my legs...it all seemed okay. It seemed right, like it was good. But I knew the truth. I knew what no one was willing to tell me.

I was broken. Something was wrong with me. I was never gonna run right. Even sex, the most basic of instincts...I couldn't do it right.

I'd driven Jasper into another woman's arms after only a few months. Now with Edward, he couldn't even last more than a few minutes with me before he gave up.

What was wrong with me?

Tears began to slide down my face as I realized I'd failed again. I was in love with Edward, and I still wasn't good enough for him.

I didn't know what to do.

Staring at myself, a thought flashed through my mind. I would never be good enough.

Not for anyone.

Ever.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Stick with me here. Bella's not fixed. She's not okay. Even though she's feeling better, her head is still filled with the crapfest that Jasper pulled on her. Of course she's going to internalize everything and think it's her fault. And trust me, Edward's probably doing a bit of that, too. I mean, they just shared this beautiful moment together, and he finishes too early, and she walks away from him. Poor guy. :( **

**FYI -_ Outtake 2 EPOV: Bella Has a Knack_ is the Edward POV of this chapter and the next chapter. It's one that people wanted, and that I thought might be good to see from his side. So you have that to look forward to. :D**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a house that REALLY needs to be cleaned. I've been writing so much every day over the past two months or so...let's just say I'm kind of excited to not have anything that HAS to be written next week so I can spend a little time cleaning. :D Oh man, I must be sick... :D**

**Here we go. And just keep in mind, Edward doesn't call Bella "Baby" because he knows that's what Jasper used to call her, and that's what she heard Jasper calling Alice. He hasn't really settled on another pet name for her yet, so he uses a few of them. :D**

**Oh, and I got pictures of my new nieces, Evvie and Mae. They're pretty cute. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 24

Edward must have heard my sniffles and sobs, because soon he was knocking on the door.

"Bella? Sweetie, what's wrong?"

I turned quickly to try and lock it before he could come in, but I wasn't fast enough.

"Honey, what's wrong?" he asked, his face showing so much concern and worry.

I just shook my head, lowering my eyes to the floor. I couldn't even face him, knowing what I'd done.

"Bella, please. I'm sorry I finished so fast. I just...you're so beautiful and I've dreamed about you for so long, I couldn't help it. I'm sorry."

"It's not you. You have nothing to apologize for," I mumbled.

"Well, obviously I do because you're in here crying."

I looked up at him, my heart breaking over what I had to do.

"We aren't gonna work. It's not fair to you, I should just let you go now."

"What?" he asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about, Bella?"

"I'm not being fair to you. I don't do it right," I said as I let out a deep, soul shaking sob.

His hand moved to my face as he cupped my cheek and tilted my head up so he could see my eyes.

"Bella..."

I couldn't look at him. Not knowing how I'd ruined things between us.

"Bella." His voice was stronger and I knew he was getting upset. Maybe it would be easier for him if he hated me. Maybe he would move on faster. The thought of him with anyone else made my stomach twist, and I couldn't hold in the gasp that bubbled up from my chest.

His fingers skimmed over my face, wiping away tears, pushing hair away from my skin, grasping at my jaw.

"Bella, look at me."

I shook my head. "I can't. I'm so ashamed, please."

"Bella," he said. I felt him bend down, his face only inches away from mine. "Honey, what do you mean you don't do it right?"

My eyes opened so I could look at him. He was filled with so much sorrow and I knew he was scared. I hated myself for it.

"I don't do it right. I'm broken, or something."

"You don't do what right?"

"Sex. I just...I can't do it right."

He smiled just a bit, and it confused me. "Sweetheart, you do it just fine. Why would you think you don't do it right?"

"He left me because I didn't do it right. And now with you, I couldn't even keep you interested for more than a few minutes."

"Bella," he whispered, then laughed. "It's not that, Bella. I finished early because you did it perfectly. You're so amazingly perfect, Bella. I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't keep myself from cuming. I wanted to, I tried to, but just...being with you like that...all the emotions running through me, I couldn't help it."

I shook my head. I didn't believe him.

"Did he tell you that? Did he say that you didn't do it right?" I could hear anger in his voice as he spat out the words to me.

"He didn't have to. I'd never been with anyone else. I thought it was okay, but I just didn't know any better."

"Bella, believe me, you do it right. Sweetheart, if you're doing it, you're doing it right. Trust me. Whatever the reason is that he cheated, it has nothing to do with you. He's just an idiot, Bella. That was all his doing, not yours."

I sniffled as he wiped tears from my cheeks. "But, I don't understand. I just laid there. I mean, I saw him with her. I saw what he was like with her. I watched them and I saw how rough and powerful he was with her."

"He was never like that with you?" he asked.

"No."

He closed his mouth and forced a deep breath out of his nose. "Then that's his loss, and my gain."

"But I just laid there with you, too. I don't even know how to do anything else. Not really. And if that's not right, then...I don't know what else to do." My voice grew softer as I spoke, more uncertain.

"Bella," he said, looking into my eyes. "I didn't want our first time to be some wild, crazy thing. I wanted it to be exactly what it was."

I watched him closely, trying to understand what he was saying.

"I wanted to make love to you, not just have sex. I wanted to show you how much I want you, Bella. And to be honest with you, I thought it was pretty incredible. At least, until I finished too fast and ruined everything," he said with a slight smile.

"You didn't ruin anything. Not for me."

"Sweetheart, you mean everything to me. And what we just did...I can honestly say that was best moment of my life. I could die a happy man right now, because I can't imagine ever being happier than I was with you, up until about five minutes ago."

There was so much honesty and sincerity in his eyes, it was hard not to believe him.

"Really?" I whimpered. "You mean it?"

"Honey, before tonight, the best moment of my life was that night on the beach when you kissed me for the first time. I know I kissed you that night when I was drunk, but to me, our first real kiss was on the beach that night, one of those nights we got ice cream together. And as wonderful and perfect as that was, it doesn't hold a candle to how I felt with you tonight. The way your body responds to me, the look in your eyes and the way you kiss me...Bella, I'll never get enough of that."

I traced my fingers along his cheeks, his jawbone, looking at how beautiful he was, knowing that there was so much more beauty inside of him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ruined things tonight," I said.

"You didn't ruin anything, Honey. We're together, and I'll always be happier with you than anywhere else."

"I think I need to talk to someone. I want to get passed this, to be better for you. Would you come with me?" I asked. I was afraid, but I knew if I had Edward with me, I could do anything.

His arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me to sit on the counter and pulling my body against his. "Oh course I would. I could probably use a little talking, too."

He leaned forward and kissed me softly, gently, and it grew. As his tongue slid against mine, stroking and tasting and melting together, I felt him hardening. He was right there, right next to me, and he pulled back just a bit and looked at me.

"Bella..."

"Please."

"Wait right there," he said, then ran back to the bedroom. It made me laugh a little bit to see him run naked from one room to the next, but when he came back with the condom in his hand, lust took over.

"Can I do it?" I asked, taking the condom into my hands and smoothing it down over him.

His arms were around me again, and his mouth on mine as he pushed into me. It felt so good, so perfect, and he pumped in and out, making me moan and whimper and whisper his name over and over again.

It was rougher than anything Jasper had ever done with me, aside from our final time, and I loved it.

He kissed me and held me and loved me until my body began to shake and my head lulled back, my legs wrapped around his hips.

"Edward," I moaned as he thrust in and out with so much force, so much power that I couldn't help but grab onto his shoulders and call out his name over and over again.

He pushed into me with a groan, and stilled, his face buried in my neck.

"I love you so much, Bella. So, so much," he said. I knew, as I clung to him that it was true.

"I love you, too, Edward. Don't ever leave me. Please."

"Never, Sweetheart. Never."

**~*0*~**

**A/N: That's progress, right? She knows the quick end in bed was just a product of Edward being too excited. She's admitted that she needs to talk to someone, and Edward wants to, too. And they had good, hot, on the bathroom-counter-type sex. That's always kinda fun. :D**

**FYI - _Outtake Two EPOV: Bella Has a Knack_ is the Edward POV of this chapter, as well as the one before. I like seeing what he was thinking during this. It's kinda nice. :)**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a book of recipes, most of which I don't use. Instead, I use the printed off recipes that are in the front and back pockets of the recipe book. :D I know those ones are good. :D**

**Mistakes are mine. I can't blame them on anyone else. Oh well, maybe next time. :D**

**Bit of a time jump here, though more of a "As they live their lives" kinda thing. :) We're covering about a year, but you'll see. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 25

The next day I got the number for Rosalie's therapist friend. Edward and I decided we should probably each go alone first, but then we wanted to go together. We didn't want to hide anything from each other. We wanted to work on things together.

Carmen was great, amazing. She made me realize all the things I'd completely ignored. All the times I'd blindly trusted Jasper. All the undeserving respect I'd given to Alice. Every week as we talked about things and went over my relationship with each of them, I slowly began to realize that it really wasn't my fault. The ending of my marriage really didn't have anything to do with me. My husband and best friend cheated because of them, not me.

Edward sat in on a lot of our sessions, and I sat in on many of his. He was so supportive once we got home each night, and I tried to be the same for him. He put up with my moods, my apologies, my crying fits. He knew I loved him, and he knew I was doing this for us. Some days we simply tolerated each other, but most days we encouraged, supported, and loved one another.

Neither of us was perfect, but we were trying. Just the fact that we wanted our relationship to succeed, and were willing to put in the time and effort to make that happen, was a good sign, Carmen said.

We spent time together, but we spent time alone and with other people, too. It was healthier if we had our own lives, as well as our life together. We both knew it, and Carmen was happy that we'd come to that conclusion on our own.

I spent a lot of time with Rosalie, and also with Leah, Jacob's girlfriend. She was funny and very sweet, plus a little naïve. Being around her made me feel not so gullible, and we always had a good time together.

But the nights were still my time with Edward. We didn't get ice cream every night. We didn't go to the beach every night. We didn't make love or have wild sex every night.

Some nights I helped him in the surf shop. It was on one of those nights that he told me he actually owned half of the shop. That he'd worked there as a teenager, then after college when he moved back to help Rosalie and their grandmother with the cafe, he started back part-time teaching surf lessons. It was after he sold his half of the restaurant to Rosalie that he asked about the surf shop, only to find out that one of the original partners wanted to sell.

Edward was great in the surf shop, and he had so many ideas for expanding it and making it even better. I was in awe of how smart he was. Although it really didn't surprise me. He was amazing in every other way, too.

He and I were together, a couple. Officially. My parents stayed in his house when they came to visit for a week during the summer, and Riley actually moved in for a month when he came in July. I was excited to find out that he was looking into colleges in Southern California. Even though he wouldn't be too close, he would be closer than Forks.

As the summer wore on, I decided to test for my teaching certificate. I knew the elementary school in Cayucos had enough full time teachers, but they were always looking for substitutes, and I figured it was a good way to get my foot in the door.

Edward was proud of me for looking into it. I think he was mainly excited because it meant that I'd be staying put for a while. Even though we had discussed it in our sessions, he still worried that eventually I'd get tired of trying to "find myself" and I'd pack up and go back to Washington.

One of the biggest fights we ever had was over that exact thing.

I'd planned to go home for a week in September to visit my parents. I was feeling so much better, and stronger, and I was finally ready to face any old demons that might surface. Edward didn't want me to go, though I couldn't understand why. In a moment of stupidity, I screamed at him that I didn't need his permission, and that he didn't trust me.

I didn't talk to him for three days. My heart broke each time I saw him, which was only twice, and from a distance, since he refused to come into the cafe when I was working.

It wasn't until the fourth day that I talked to Riley, crying over what had happened. Hesitantly, he told me about a conversation he'd had with Edward a few days earlier.

For some reason Riley had randomly mentioned to Edward that Alice and Jasper had broken up. The next day was when I insisted on going to Forks alone.

Edward thought I was going back for Jasper, that I knew he wasn't with Alice any more.

My heart hurt over the idea of him not trusting me. I wasn't sure why he might have questioned my devotion to him, but I had to find him. He was sitting alone on the beach when I finally did. All it took was one look, one "I'm sorry" and one kiss. He hugged me, apologizing and promising to never doubt me again, and we were okay.

He went with me to Forks. I never wanted him to have any reason not to trust me. The week was wonderful, and by the end I didn't know why I'd ever wanted to go without him in the first place.

The rest of the year was good, easy. The way we moved together, circled around each other...it was like we were two halves of one whole. My parents loved him. His parents adored me. The feelings were mutual on both our parts, and we knew what we had together was special. We never wanted to take it for granted.

When January came along, Edward asked me to move into his house. I was sad to leave the apartment behind, but I knew that Jacob and Leah would take good care of it.

I started substitute teaching in the elementary school, usually a few times a month. When I worked there, Leah filled in at the cafe for me. I helped Edward in the surf shop sometimes, too. I was settling into my life pretty well, happy and healthier than I'd been in a long time. Finding Edward and falling for him had been one of the greatest things ever to happen to me, and each night as we lay in bed, I watched him sleeping. Traced my fingers over his face, his arms, his chest. Felt his heart as it beat a steady rhythm under my palm.

I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Edward and I talked about marriage sometimes. We talked about our future. We talked about what we wanted, what we needed. But marriage...I just wasn't sure. I knew it was something he wanted, something he needed. I wanted to want it. I wanted that desperately. But I just didn't know.

We didn't see Carmen a lot after that first six or seven months. We were both doing well with our trust issues, and we'd worked through our pasts. She had faith in us and our progression. Now we just needed to live and to love and to do the things we wanted to do.

Together.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: They're getting help, trying to make their lives better, moving in together. I kinda love that. :D**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a hubs with a birthday, which is today. It's kinda fun having our birthdays 8 days apart. :D Plus that means I only have to be an "older woman" for 8 days. :D Then he can't tease me about robbing the cradle anymore. :D**

**Father's Day was decent at my house. Hope it was good at yours. :) Hubs got brownies, some gifts, and roast & potatoes...just the way he likes them cooked. :D Plus, he got to spend the afternoon helping our almost 12 year old pack up his stuff for Scout Camp. He loves doing that kinda stuff. It gives him an excuse to spend time with all of his camping crap. :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 26

Summer time came along, and to my surprise, I was offered a part-time teaching position in the elementary school for the next school year. I was beside myself with happiness. The half day kindergarten teacher was moving away, and they needed someone local to fill in.

Edward was working that morning when I called to tell him. He was excited, too, and I immediately accepted the position. I couldn't wait for my class full of five-year-old's.

That evening when Edward got home from work, he asked me if I wanted to go surfing. We hadn't been in a while. I jumped at the chance. He was in the bathroom tying up his board shorts when I walked by with my one piece swimming suit.

"Hey, Sweetie?" he called.

"Yeah?"

His cheeks turned a little red as he stood there looking at me. "Um, why don't you wear the bikini."

"What? You know it gets all twisted up in the wet suit."

He smiled. "We're not wearing wet suits tonight."

Not wearing wet suits? We'd freeze. "That water's cold, Honey. Why don't you want to wear them?" I asked.

He moved forward and his fingers reached out and grabbed at my hand. "It's warmer this week. The weather's warmed the water up a bit. You'll be okay, trust me."

I smiled and nodded, then went back to my drawer to dig out my bikini. I actually had two, but I purposefully pulled out the one I'd worn on our first surfing lesson. The one that had shifted and shown Edward my boob that first day.

I wanted to remind him.

When Edward only had one board under his arm as we left the house, my curiosity was off the charts. I had no idea what he was planning, but I was dying to find out. He just grinned and laced his fingers with mine.

"We're gonna tandem surf tonight. We've done it before, it'll be fine," he said as we made our way across the street and toward the beach.

There were a lot of teenagers out in the water when we arrived, and the sun was just starting to set. The water looked like it was on fire. It was beautiful.

"Oh, it's so pretty," I mumbled as we stashed our sandals and towels at the surf shop.

Edward smiled. "Not as pretty as you."

He was always saying cute things like that. And I loved it.

We'd been together over a year and a half, and every day it still felt brand new. The only thing was, I knew him. I knew Edward better than I'd ever known anyone else. I could safely say he was my best friend. The best friend I'd ever had.

And I loved him madly.

"Get a move on, let's hit the water!" he yelled to me, waiting as I ran down the beach behind him.

He stumbled, then shook his head as I ran closer to him. I laughed, knowing that he was watching my boobs jiggle up and down. A few other guys were watching, too, I noticed. I didn't tell Edward. I didn't need him hitting anyone because of me.

The water was cold, just like I thought. But it seemed to warm up as I got used to it. Edward had me sit on the nose of the board as he knelt on the tail and paddled us out past the impact zone. The waves weren't very strong, which was fine with me. We hadn't tandem surfed a lot, but the few times we'd tried it, it was fun.

When we reached the line-up, he kept going. He never kept going. There was no point in going farther. We'd be so far away from the breaking waves that we'd never get a decent ride.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, turning around to see his face.

"You'll see," he said. A rather mischievous grin was still on his face, and I turned back around, grabbing onto the rails of the board and enjoying the ride.

We were farther out than anyone else when he finally stopped, sitting down to straddle the board. He reached out for me, pulling me against him, and I snuggled into his arms, my back against his chest. He held me and we watched as the sun fell below the waves, making the water sparkle and shimmer.

"You know, I think I fell in love with you out here on the water. You were so free and brave. Not like you were on land," he said softly into my ear, his chin resting on my shoulder.

"Me too. Just watching you move with your board and the water...you were so powerful, and hot."

He laughed. I laughed, too. It was true, I wasn't about to pretend like it wasn't.

His lips found my neck, and he started to kiss me, his mouth hot and open on my skin.

"Mmmmmm, that feels so good," I mumbled. My hands slid back and wrapped around his thighs, which were just behind mine. I was so grateful that we didn't have the barrier of our wet suits between us. As cold as I was, I wouldn't trade the feel of his skin on mine for anything.

We'd become much more adventurous in our love making during our relationship. Edward took me in ways I'd only ever witnessed in porn movies, and I'd only seen those because Edward showed them to me. Then he always asked if I'd want to try what the couple had done.

I always did. And I was always glad I did.

As his lips continued their assault on my skin, his hands ghosted up my stomach to my breasts, grabbing them and squeezing as his fingers tucked into the fabric in search of my nipples.

"Ahhhh," I moaned. It felt amazing.

It was perfect. We were on the water, with no one near us. The sky was pink and blue and purple and orange, as the water gradually grew darker and more mysterious.

"Turn around," he said in my ear, and I did as he asked. "Put your legs over my thighs, wrap them around me."

I did what he said, and as I did, I felt how hard he was getting. His lips sought out mine, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him tight against me. His hands went right back to my boobs, shifting the triangular pieces of fabric so that he could see all of me. It wasn't long before he was bending down and sucking my nipples into his mouth.

My fingers twisted in his hair, my head lulling back as I tried hard to keep from grinding my center against his hardened cock.

We'd never done this before, at least not to this extent, and I was nervous. "What if someone sees us?" I asked.

"They'll just think we're making out. Plus, no one's around and it's getting dark. No one will see anything, trust me."

I did, and I let my hands slide up and down his back as he continued to worship and adore my chest, my breasts, my neck, my lips.

"Touch me, Bella," he whispered against my skin. His voice was raw and deep, and it did things to my body.

I lowered my hand to his board shorts, feeling how solid he was. So hard, so thick and ready. Over the fabric was good, but I needed more. My hand made quick work of the laces tying the waistband of his board shorts, and my hand slipped between the suit and his skin. My fingers gripped him, sliding up and down the silky shaft and he moaned as he continued to kiss me.

There wasn't much room between us, we were tight together, and his hand slowly lowered until he reached my bikini bottoms, his finger dancing along the top edge of it. As I whimpered, he moved lower, slowly tracing my clit through the material of my suit. I was glad we were in the water, because otherwise he would have seen just exactly how wet he was making me.

"You're so warm, Sweetheart. Can I?" he asked softly into my ear, nibbling all the while on my earlobe.

"Please."

His finger tucked under the fabric's edge and slid along my folds, rubbing through the sticky moisture that was there. When he pushed them inside of me, my back arched, forcing my chest against his, and I grabbed his face with my free hand, angling him so that I could kiss him. Hard.

I pumped him as he fingered me, and we both writhed and moaned and ached for more.

When he pulled his hand away from me, I almost cried out in protest. He quickly moved it to his shorts and pulled down the waistband, freeing his cock and my hand. His other arm had wrapped around my waist, and he pulled me closer to him.

"Hold on to me," he said, and I did, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and waiting to see what he had planned for us. We'd certainly never gone this far on a surfboard before, and I really hoped we wouldn't flip over or anything.

Although water sex was fun, too. Edward taught me that.

He held himself with his hand, pumping a few times as his other hand moved down to between my legs. He pushed the material of my suit over to the side, lined himself up with my entrance, and pushed in. My mouth fell open in response, it felt so amazing. He wrapped an arm around me again, and held me tight to his chest, with only enough space between us that he could look down in the quickly fading light, and see us connected.

"Edward, what..."

"You like this, Honey?" he asked.

I couldn't speak. I nodded. I loved it.

"Move with me, Bella. Rock your hips and let go."

I did, rolling my hips back and forth as he moved his in the same way. One of his hands returned to my breast, squeezing and rubbing and feeling it. The way he made me feel was like nothing I'd ever experienced, and I was panting and shaking and cuming before I even realized it.

"Oh, yeah, Bella. You're so tight when you're cuming, Sweetie. Cum for me," he moaned as he tried to thrust into me faster.

The board was rocking beneath us, but we managed to stay upright. When he came, his mouth latched on to my neck, and he bit down. I screamed, but no one could hear us.

He stayed inside of me for a while as we kissed and touched and loved each other. The water around us was so beautiful, and what he had together was beautiful, too. I wasn't in any hurry to finish and go home.

After a while, when the sky had turned dark, we adjusted our suits and slowly paddled back to shore. We smiled and laughed as we walked back onto the beach. It was packed with teenagers, still, and I silently wondered to myself if someday any of them would be as lucky as I was. Most of them knew Edward from the surf shop, and he waved and exchanged words with several of the kids, but he kept hold of my hand as he pulled me toward the surf shop.

I thought we were just getting our sandals and towels before we went home, but then he pulled me into the backroom.

"Did I ever show you the shower we have back here?" he said with a glint in his eye.

We weren't going home anytime soon. And I loved it.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Couple words, just so we're clear...**

**_Nose_ – Front of a surfboard  
_Tail_ – Back end of a surfboard  
_Impact Zone_ – Where waves are breaking  
_Line Up_ – Where the surfers are sitting, waiting for waves  
_Rails_ – Curve on the sides of the surfboard **

**I've heard surfboard sex isn't possible. I've heard that it is. This is fiction, so we're going with the "Heck Yes It's Possible!" theory. :)**

**Thanks for sticking with me and for reading this...mistakes and all. You make me happy with your comments...I love them. :)**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a need for finding pictures to go along with the stories I write. I can't help it, it's like a sickness. I have to have it. :D**

**Speaking of that need...I fulfilled it over on the Facebook group. This chapter has something you might want a picture of. I know I did. Plus, it's pretty. :)**

**All mistakes are mine. As always. :)  
**

**Oh! And I'm kinda shocked at how many of you thought he was gonna propose on the water last chapter! :D No way, our boy knows his Bella better than that. You'll see...  
**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 27

In August, we made a trip to Forks. One last get away before the beginning of the school year. Edward and my dad fished, my mom and I baked and gossiped. Riley was in San Diego, enjoying his life and steadily revolving harem of girlfriends.

Life was good. I was happy.

"I saw Cynthia the other day. She said Alice is moving back, finally."

It had been two years since I'd last seen Alice. I'd been waiting a long time for my mother to bring her up. "Oh, really?"

I was interested. I wanted to know why. I couldn't bring myself to ask.

"Yeah, I guess she finally finished school and she thought since her parents take the baby as often as they can, it would be easier just to be closer to them."

I wondered why her parents took the baby. Was Jasper not helping her?

"Apparently, Jasper got a job somewhere else last year. He left and hasn't been back since."

Well, that answered my silent questions. Some great father he turned out to be. I felt kind of bad that the only thing really running through my head was, "Glad I dodged that bullet. Better her than me."

"That's too bad. I mean for the baby."

My mother smiled. "Yeah, I guess so."

I sighed. "You know, as horrible as all that was, I can't bring myself to regret it. I mean, if I had it to do all over again, I'd do it the same way. It's what took me to Edward, and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

She smiled brighter. "I know, that's true. He's made you so happy, Izzy. The way you look at him, and he looks at you...that's all a mother could ever want for her children."

I felt justified with her words. I was glad it wasn't just me who saw it, who knew that what Edward and I had was special. It really was, it was something amazing.

We didn't talk about Alice or Jasper or the still nameless baby any more that week. Instead we joked about when Riley would find "the one" for him. It was especially funny since he'd found about eleven "the one's" during his time away at college. My brother...he was interesting, and girl crazy, that was for certain.

I settled into teaching with so much ease, it kind of surprised me. Spending four hours a day with a room full of five-year-old's got me thinking about my future. About my future with Edward, specifically. He'd continued to drop hints about marriage and forever and commitments. I knew what he wanted, what he needed. He was so sweet, waiting until I was ready...feeling me out every so often. I didn't know if marriage was something I would ever want to do again, but I knew if it was, it would only be with Edward.

Christmas time surprised us all when Rosalie announced that she was pregnant. We knew she and Emmett had been trying for a while, but when nothing ever happened, we thought it might mean they'd need something more to help them with their dreams. Emmett was so excited, and we were excited for him.

Watching Rosalie grow and swell and glow with her pregnancy made me think even more. Between her unending happiness, and the angel-like children I spent half my day with, I started to wonder. Did I truly want children? And if I did, would I be happy having them if Edward and I weren't married? I knew lots of people weren't married and still had children, but was that something I wanted?

I just didn't know.

I wasn't waiting tables anymore, Leah had taken over my spot when I began teaching, but I still loved to spend time in the cafe with my family. Edward's family. Jacob always made me laugh when I was there, and it didn't take long for me to convince Edward that he should hire Jacob on at the surf shop part-time. Jacob knew surfing, and he knew the locals. It was a good fit, and we were all happy with the arrangement.

One afternoon in early February, as Rosalie and I sat having lunch in the cafe, she made an offhanded remark that made me think.

"I hear Edward's got something big planned for Valentine's Day this year."

I wondered what he was thinking. It was our third Valentine's Day together, and each year he'd planned something special, but nothing big. It was me who pushed for sex on our first Valentine's Day, and it was me who pushed for a little more kink in our sex life on our second Valentine's Day. But what more could he want? Unless it was a proposal.

My heart caught in my throat. Rosalie just smiled.

"So did you see the cute outfits my mom bought for the baby?" she asked, changing the subject.

She knew what she'd done. Rosalie was a smart woman. She'd given me just enough to make me think, without sending me over the edge.

I had to admire her for that.

A few days later as I was putting away laundry, I saw Edward's underwear drawer wasn't as neat and organized as he usually left it. As I straightened things up, I felt something hard under his t-shirts.

There wasn't anything hard in that drawer. It made me curious. I pushed my hand under the shirts and pulled out what was there.

A box.

A small, square box.

My breathing picked up as I held the little black box in my hand. I was afraid to open it, but I couldn't stop myself.

As I lifted the lid, my hand went to my throat. Tucked into the black velvet lining was the most beautiful diamond ring I'd ever seen. It had three circle cut diamonds, a large one in the middle and two smaller ones on each side. Each diamond was surrounded by a ring of smaller diamonds, and the silver band split into two and crossed over itself on the sides, where more diamonds were found.

It was delicate and big and perfect.

I knew it hadn't been in his drawer before, and my heart pounded at the thought that it had to be for me. But was I ready? Did I want it?

I carefully tucked it back into the drawer where I'd found it, then went to put away the rest of the clean laundry. My mind was racing as I kept thinking about it.

Was he really going to ask me to marry him? Is that what he had planned?

More importantly, if he did ask...what would I say?

**~*0*~**

**A/N: My, my...what will Bella say? And is that ring even for her? You never know... :D I do love that Bella realized what Rosalie did. :D Finally, someone's on to her sneaky ways! :D**

**Thanks for being so wonderful to me! And don't forget, a picture of that ring is on the Facebook group, if you wanna see it. It's pretty, trust me. :)**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is leftovers from hub's birthday dinner last night. Is it wrong that we went to a seafood restaurant, I ordered chicken? :D I like chicken. :) Though I'm a little disappointed, they screwed up 2 of the 4 things I ordered. Seriously? I mean clam chowder and raspberry cheesecake are fine, but not when I wanted potato bacon soup and key lime pie. Whatever. :) Not to mention, the guy wanted to refill my raspberry lemonade with iced tea, and he brought hubs a Ceasar salad instead of the garden one he ordered. I suppose I should have rethought that $10 tip... :D That's why I like Chili's. They get it right every stinkin' time, it costs half of what dinner last night cost, AND they gave us dessert for free on my birthday! :D Yeah, it's a good thing we only do seafood a couple times a year. :D**

**You guys had some interesting answers as to who that ring in Edward's drawer belongs to. :D Let's see who was right, shall we? :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 28

Valentine's Day started with Edward bringing me breakfast in bed. It was very sweet of him, especially since it was a school day and he didn't even have to wake up until an hour after I had to leave. He sat next to me and we ate together. I waited and waited for the ring.

But nothing.

During our class party at school, there was a knock on the classroom door. The kids were busy eating candy and looking through their Valentine cards when a man walked in carrying a huge bouquet of red roses. They were beautiful, and for me. The card was from Edward and simply said how much he loved me. I searched through the flowers for the ring.

There was nothing there.

I met him at the cafe that afternoon for lunch. He was already sitting in our regular booth, with a smirk on his face. I sat down next to him, lacing my fingers with his and kissing him a hundred times while we ate. He laughed, saying he hoped I liked my flowers. Then he ordered a piece of chocolate cake for us to share. I kept waiting to bite down on the ring.

It never happened.

That evening he took us to dinner at the same restaurant where we'd eaten on our first Valentine's Day together. He ordered champagne for us to drink, and I looked in the bottom of my crystal glass hoping to see the ring.

It wasn't there.

After dinner, we ended up at our ice cream shop, and then on the beach. I knew it would be there, he would ask me there. That was our special place. The place I fell in love with him. The place I first kissed him. The place we poured our hearts out to each other. I knew it would happen, and after an hour of sitting there, he stood up. My heart began to pound as he looked at me and then felt around his pockets for a moment. After patting his pants pocket, he smiled and reached into them. It was the moment...I just knew.

"There's my keys, I thought I'd lost them," he said before reaching for my hand and pulling me up.

No ring.

There was no ring in his hand, just a set of keys.

We walked back to our house. I was in a daze. It was nearing midnight on Valentine's Day, and he still hadn't asked me. When would he do it? The suspense was beginning to annoy me.

Once we got home, we went into our bedroom and Edward started kissing me. Maybe that was what he was waiting for, I told myself. Maybe he wanted to do it at home, while making love to me. I couldn't wait, and I let him strip me bare and lay me down on the bed. He hovered over me, kissing me silly before finally pushing into me.

I'd been on the pill for quite a while, so condoms were a thing of the past for us. Edward loved how much more he could feel without wearing them, and after a few minutes, I knew he was close.

"On your knees," he said, flipping me over and grabbing my waist. He pulled me up as he knelt behind me, then thrust into me again. I felt him deeper inside of me, and when he told me to touch myself, I did it. It wasn't long before we were both falling over the edge in orgasmic ecstasy, and afterward, he settled down next to me, kissing me and brushing the hair away from my face.

"I love you so much, Bella. I don't know what I'd be without you."

I smiled. This had to be it. Finally. I'd been waiting all day. I'd been waiting nearly a week, to be honest. I kissed him softly, wrapping my arm around his neck and letting my fingers play in his hair.

"I love you, too, Edward. You're everything to me."

He smiled, then kissed me again and let out a sigh as he closed his eyes.

That was it. No ring. No proposal. No "I wanna be with you forever" declaration. Nothing.

After about ten minutes, I'd had it.

I got up from the bed, went to his drawer, and pulled out the box I knew was there. I'd been checking every day, and he'd never moved it.

He had some explaining to do.

"Seriously? That's it?" I said as I sat back down on the bed next to him. I was totally naked, and didn't even care. I wanted some answers. I wanted to know what was going on.

"What?" he asked, rubbing his tired eyes.

"Don't you have something to ask me?"

"Um...no?" he said, looking up at me with confusion on his face.

I held the box out in front of me. "This! What is this?" I demanded.

He looked at the box for a second, then answered. "It's a box."

"Yeah, and what's INSIDE of this box?"

"A ring."

"What kind of ring, Edward?" This game was getting really old, really fast.

"Well, it's a diamond engagement ring."

"Who's it for? And you'd better be sure about your answer, buddy."

"It's for you."

I let out a deep breath, pulling the box back to my side. "So, it's an engagement ring for me, but you haven't given it to me?" I asked.

"That's right."

"Why haven't you given it to me?"

He rolled his eyes. "Because I haven't asked you to marry me yet."

"Well, are you going to ask me, because today would have been the perfect time, and here it is, Valentine's Day is already over and you still haven't asked."

He watched me for a moment before taking a deep breath. "Do you want me to ask you?"

"Yes! Of course I do. What do you think, I'm just freaking out about this because it's fun?" I yelled.

He smiled a bit. "Okay then, I'll ask you."

With that, he rolled over, facing away from me and closed his eyes. He was going back to sleep.

"Are you serious right now?" I asked. My voice was low and I was on the verge of tears. How could he say the ring was for me, tell me he was planning to propose, and then just roll over and go back to sleep.

"Bella, what? I said I'll ask you. I need to think of a way to do that. Don't you want a big story you can tell your mom and that we can tell our kids someday?"

Did I want that? Of course I did. My proposal from Jasper had been so nothing, so boring. I wanted something good and grand.

"I guess. I don't know."

I didn't know.

"Well, you figure out what you want and let me know. Until then, I'm tired. It's been a long day, so let's get some sleep."

He rolled back over and closed his eyes. I sat stunned on the bed, holding the ring box in my hand. What did I really want? What did I want most of all? The answer was easy. I knew it was.

"I want it," I whispered. "Edward?"

He rolled onto his back, looking up at me with wide open eyes. "You want what, Bella?"

"I want you. I want your ring. I want your children. I want all of it."

"Are you sure?" he asked, sitting up next to me.

I nodded. "But you have to ask me."

I bit into my bottom lip, my eyes never leaving his.

"Give me the ring," he whispered.

Once he had the box in his hand, he flipped it open and I saw the amazing ring that was inside. I'd been dreaming about it for a week, and I wanted to see it on my finger more than anything.

"Bella Swan, you mean more to me than anything in this world. You've given me a life I never knew was possible. You make me laugh and you make me smile. You've made all of my dreams come true, and if you'll let me, I promise to spend the rest of my days trying to make your dreams come true, too. To make you laugh and make you smile, and to give you the life you thought you might never have. I know you're scared, and I know the last time you did this, it didn't work out. But I promise you, I'll never hurt you like that. I love you, and I swear to you I'll do my very best to be everything you want and everything you need. You're the only one for me, Bella. And I would be honored if you would let me be the only one for you. Will you marry me?"

Tears were gushing down my face as he sat holding my hand in his, the ring between us. I stared into his eyes and I knew right then...I would never find anyone more perfect for me. Not ever. All the hurt we'd both been through...all the pain and sorrow, it had happened so that we could get to this point. So that we could know beyond a shadow of a doubt that what we had together was real and true and perfect. What we had would last.

I knew it would.

"Yes, I'll marry you," I whispered. I hoped and prayed that he could understand me through my tears and crackling voice. And he did.

His smile grew wider than I'd ever seen it, and he carefully took the ring from the box, and slid it onto my finger. It was breathtaking.

"It fits perfectly," I softly said, a smile on my face.

"I knew it would. I snuck it onto your finger when you were sleeping one night. I didn't want any surprises today."

I gazed at him, knowing my eyes were probably filled with wonder and awe. "You planned this whole thing?"

He nodded. "I wanted you to find the ring. I wanted you to think about it, to be sure this is what you want. I didn't want to catch you off guard and have you say something you didn't mean. I want you forever, Bella, and I meant what I said when I told you I'd wait. I just wanted you to think about it before I asked. I hope you're not upset."

"No," I shook my head as I leapt into his arms. "It was exactly what I needed."

He knew me better than anyone, and his little tricks all day had proven that to me.

We both got sidetracked along the way. We both had experience with pain and loss and hurt. We both knew what we wanted. We both tried and dedicated ourselves to that dream.

He was it for me. I knew that. And as he gently lowered me onto the bed, his body lying on top of mine as he kissed me and touched me, I knew what we had was right.

It was forever.

He was exactly who I'd always dreamed of—exactly who was meant for me.

Even when I didn't realize it.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: I kinda love that he drove her crazy all day. :D He knew what he was doing. :D I love that Edward knows Bella enough to know that he couldn't just surprise her with a proposal. She needed time to get used to it and be sure it's what she wanted. I love that he did that for her. :)**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a bunch of little boxes with those Crystal Light flavored drink mixes that are just big enough for a water bottle. I haven't bought soda in a while. I think hubs is gonna have a rude awakening when he realizes I'm not planning to buy anymore... :D**

**I love that most of you really liked the way Edward handled the proposal last chapter. :) _ majose_ commented on how it reminded her of the story _Art After 5,_ and how that Edward purposefully left the engagement ring in his suitcase so that Bella would find it and get used to the idea before he actually asked her. That's one of my favorite stories, and to have something of mine compared to it...I can't even tell you how happy that made me. :D But I think the thing these stories have in common, besides very sweet and loving Edward's, are Bella's that are broken and have very valid issues when it comes to commitment and marriage. I like that these Edward's know their Bella's enough to know what they need and how to deal with them. That's a good thing. :)**

**So, this chapter is where my fear of disappointing you comes in. This story is not gonna end with something that MANY of you want. I'm sorry, I just can't write what you're hoping for. I can only write what I see in my head, and this is how I see this story going. It's probably my "Doormat" and "Non-confrontational" personality coming through, but if faced with this situation, I'm about 99% certain I would react the same way Bella does. :) I hope you can understand that. :)**

**Oh, and there are pictures of the ceremony, the tux, and the dress on my Facebook group, in case you're interested. :) There's some VERY pretty Rob on there...so yummy. :D**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 29

Weddings were not easy to plan. That was one lesson I hadn't learned with my wedding to Jasper. Between my mother and his, I really didn't do much of anything. I tried on dresses, tasted cakes, looked at announcements, but aside from that, they did everything. At the time, I didn't care. I just wanted to get married and live happily ever after with my prince.

I was young and stupid. I should have paid closer attention to a lot of things.

As Edward and I put together our wedding plans, I was shocked to find out that he actually cared what happened, and when it happened, and how it happened, and where it happened. I thought all men hated wedding stuff, but not Edward.

He said it was because it was a day to celebrate us tying our lives together forever. He was so cheesy sometimes.

His parents graciously offered us the use of their vineyard. I wanted to use it. Cambria was beautiful, and if we waited until just after harvest season, then the vines would still be green and leafy, but the area would be quiet and all ours.

The wedding was small, with less than fifty people there. Only our closest family and friends attended the ceremony, though the Cullen's invited a few more to the reception. My father walked me down a long, rose-petal covered aisle to my Edward, who was waiting at the end. He looked so unbelievably gorgeous in his tux, and I wished for just a moment that I could fly so that I could get to him faster.

As if my father could feel my excitement and the likelihood that I'd sprint ahead of him, he held tight to my arm and hand, keeping me in pace with him and whispering that Edward wasn't going anywhere. That I should walk slower and let him enjoy seeing how beautiful I was. That he was so sad to be giving me away again, but this time he knew it was to the right man.

By the time we reached Edward and my father placed my hand in his, I had tears running down my cheeks.

And the ceremony hadn't even started yet.

Edward smiled at me, reaching up to gently wipe away my tears before pressing a kiss to my forehead and telling me everything was okay. And it was.

I was with him. I was happy. My life was okay. Finally, really truly okay again.

We spent the next week driving up the California Coast, stopping at several little towns along the way to spend our nights. We were under no real pressure, except that we had to be in Forks two weeks after the wedding for a small reception there. It was October and we'd timed the wedding perfectly to coincide with our Fall Break at school. I still took a week's vacation, but even though I missed my new class and the sweet faces that greeted me each morning, it was worth it to have the time alone with Edward.

The trip reminded me so much of the first trip I'd taken as I was fleeing Forks, running away from my past. I watched Edward as he drove and I knew how much better my life was during this drive. He was wonderful, and we were amazing, and our lives were truly blessed.

My parents held a small get together in their backyard. My father had wanted to rent the local lodge, but my mother insisted that the backyard was fine. She rented some tents, some portable heaters, and lots of tables and chairs, and by the time we got to Forks, she'd transformed the backyard into a little paradise.

She wanted me to wear my dress for the reception, but I talked her into me wearing it for just the first hour. Then I would change into something nice, but more appropriate for a fall evening in northwestern Washington. My sleeveless, tea-length dress was not the warmest thing ever created.

Edward encouraged the dress wearing and the changing. He liked pulling the dress off of me, and hoped that maybe we could reenact our wedding night several more times once we got back home.

Several of my parents' friends and co-workers came to say hello and to see Edward, the mystery man who'd saved the poor little dumped girl. It felt strange to answer to Isabella and Izzy again, but I did my best to hide my discomfort. Edward laughed at me, finding it truly strange that people called me something other than Bella.

I simply smiled and repeated over and over again in my head "He's gonna get it tonight..."

I wasn't surprised when Cynthia showed up. She and my mother had rekindled their friendship, which I was happy about. I was honestly glad to see her, and welcomed her with open arms. I introduced her to Edward, and he was gracious as always. It was a trait I loved about him.

About fifteen minutes before things were set to start wrapping up, I glanced over toward the back gate and my heart nearly stopped. Alice was standing there with a small girl next to her. She looked very out of place, and extremely nervous, but when her eyes met mine, I could see her face begin to crumple up a bit.

I had to talk to her. I just had to.

"I'll be right back," I whispered to Edward, kissing him quickly before sneaking away from the group we were chatting with.

Alice was fidgeting and shifting from one foot to another as she stayed in the same place. Her eyes were locked with mine and I could tell she was crying.

I wanted to. I wanted to cry. But I didn't let myself.

"Hi, Izzy," she said, her voice soft and nervous.

"Hi, Ali."

"I hope it's okay I showed up. I didn't want ruin your party, I just knew this was probably the last chance I'd get to see you, and I really wanted to see you."

I sighed, stepping closer to her. The little girl at her side looked up at me with bright blue eyes. Jasper's eyes. Her dirty blonde hair was pulled into pig tails, and when she lifted her fingers to her mouth, she reminded me so much of Alice on our first day of Kindergarten. It was the day we met.

"It's okay, you're welcome here."

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'm over what happened, I promise I am. I don't like it, and I don't know why you felt like you needed to do what you did to me, but it's because of that that I have Edward now, and my life is good. Much better than it would have been if I'd stayed with Jasper."

She nodded. Obviously, she knew how true that was.

"I decided a long time ago I'm not gonna hold a grudge anymore. I need to let go of what happened and move on. I'm not saying it's okay what you did, but just that I don't care anymore."

She seemed to breathe a sigh of relief as she held tight to her daughter's hand.

"I don't know why I did what I did. I guess I just got caught up in it, you know? He told me so many things, and they just made sense, and I let myself fall for him. I never should have done that. I should have stopped it the very first time anything happened between us. I don't know why I didn't, but I wish I did. I wish I had answers I could give you. I wish I could explain, but I can't. I'm so sorry, Iz. If I could go back and change it, you have to know that-"

"No, don't. I don't want to change it. That's what I'm saying. I wouldn't change anything in my life. The things that happened to me before...they're what's made me who I am now, and given me the life I have now. And I wouldn't trade this for anything. Not ever."

She nodded. "I still wish I could change some things. Like losing your friendship. I wish I could change that." Her voice was so soft, so quiet. I could barely hear her speaking. But I knew what she'd said, and I knew what she meant. Things hadn't worked out in her life. At least not the way she'd planned them to. I felt sad for her, but not sad enough to give up what I had.

"Who's this?" I asked, kneeling down and holding my hand out to her little girl. I knew she was almost three years old, and in all those years, I'd never learned her name. I never wanted to know it. But now, as I looked at her and saw both Jasper and Alice so clearly in her little face, I needed to know.

"I'm Lucy," she said. Her voice was high and sweet. She was a stunning little girl.

"Hi Lucy, I'm Bella."

She reached out and shook my hand, smiling a little bit. "Is you fwends with my mommy?" she asked.

I smiled at her. "I used to be."

"Do you gots cake here?" she asked, and I laughed.

"Lucy! No, I told you we're not eating here. We're going back to Grandma's."

I looked up at Alice. "It's okay if you wanna stay. I don't mind. And besides, there's a lot of cake left. She may as well eat her fill, if that's okay with you."

Alice looked at the few people that were still at the reception, and then back at me. "Are you sure? I mean, people will talk."

I stood up, straightening my shirt. "I don't care. Let them talk, it doesn't matter to me."

With that, they followed me back over to the tent, where I introduced them to Edward and to his family. They all knew exactly who she was and what had happened, and not one of them treated her like they did. I gazed up at my husband, watching how kind he was to both her and Lucy. He was amazing.

After everyone had left, I pulled him into my old bedroom, pushing him against the wall.

"Thank you for tonight," I said, kissing his face over and over again. "You were incredible."

He swept his hands through my hair, tilting my head back so that he could look into my eyes.

"No, you were. What you did out there for Alice and her daughter...you could never know how proud I am of you."

I hugged him to me. "I just don't want to be mad anymore, you know? Especially not when my life has turned out so well. I want to move on and be happy."

"See?" he asked. "Amazing, Mrs. Cullen."

I giggled up at him. "I'll show you amazing, Mr. Cullen."

Taking hold of his hand, I pulled him toward the bed, where I proceeded to ravage him until very late into the night.

Just before I finally fell asleep, lying next to him, an old song started running through my head. The lyrics fit almost perfectly, and I couldn't help but acknowledge how closely they mimicked my life.

"_...Suddenly remembering doesn't haunt me  
At the time you couldn't tell me_  
_That one day I'd be glad_  
_That something that I thought was love_  
_Was misinterpreted..."_

I trailed my fingers over Edward sleeping face, the face that always made me smile. Over his bare shoulders, the shoulders that always supported me when I was losing my way. His gently beating heart, the heart that had always loved me no matter what.

If I'd never been with Jasper, if he'd never cheated on me, I never would have found Edward. I never would have known what love really was. I would have missed out on the greatest thing to ever happen to my life.

At the time I thought the failure of my marriage was a tragedy. Maybe it was, but maybe it wasn't.

Another bit of the song played through my brain, and I couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes.

"_I watch you sleeping - your body touchin' me  
__There's no doubt about it  
This is where I want to be  
You know it's so ironic - I had to lose to win..."_

It was so true. For me to win Edward, I had to lose Jasper. And now that I knew what true love really was, I knew I'd never let it go. I would never take it for granted. I would never cast it aside.

I loved Edward, with every piece of me.

I snuggled up next to him, his arm instinctively wrapping around my waist and pulling me against him, as he buried his face in my hair. Even in his sleep, he was tied to me.

And that's how it always would be. Him and me. Me and him.

He was my everything—my life, my love, my reason for existence. And if Jasper and Alice had never cheated on me, I would have been cheated out of Edward.

And that would have been the greatest tragedy of my life.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Is it wrong that I'm already all teary over this ending? Ugh...maybe this is why I always drag out the endings of stories. :D**

**The song lyrics are from that Chicago song "If She Would Have Been Faithful" and I posted it on the FB group, too, in case you wanna listen. :) It's really a pretty song. :)**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is an MP3 player that I got for Valentine's Day, after my other one "disappeared" one afternoon last year. My house is haunted by a ghost who likes to hide things, then leave them out in the open months and months and sometimes years later. You think I'm joking...I'm totally not. :D**

**Ugh, I was all teary finishing this. I hope you like it. :)** **Please excuse all the errors and mistakes in this. They're mine...all mine. :)  
**

**Again, this is how I see the story ending. I hope you're okay with it. :) It feels really satisfying and true to me. I hope you think so, too.**

**Thank you to_ Callie Woahnow Jordan_ for a great story prompt and to the _FAGEtastic Four_ for making me write this story. It was one that had been bouncing around in my head for a while and I needed to get it out. Like I said in the beginning...some true, most not. But enough to quiet the dragons that fester in heads sometimes. :)**

**~*0*~**

Chapter 30

Life moves in mysterious ways.

Boy, was that true for me.

Edward and I were happy, content, at ease, on fire, adventurous...perfection personified.

It had been nearly five years since our wedding. He still amazed me every day, doing little things that melted my heart, saying little things that made me love him even more. I'd always heard that marriage gets stagnant, old, worn-in the longer you were in one. I didn't believe that. I was more in love with Edward after five years of wedded bliss than I was on the day we got married, or the first time we made love, or the first time I kissed him out on that beach.

Obviously, we still had our fights. Our moments of frustration, annoyance, hurt feelings. But we worked through them. We accepted them for what they were—normal. Nothing more and nothing worth ending our amazing life together over.

I was still teaching my kindergarten class, loving each new year and all the happy, smiling faces it brought to me. It was fun when Rosalie and Emmett's daughter entered my class. It was hard not to play favorites, but little Emmalie was such a sweet and fun child, I couldn't help it.

Edward's surf shop was growing and expanding. Business was booming. He and his partner were even thinking about opening another shop in Morro Bay. That's what had us exploring the San Diego Surfboard Expo. It was a huge convention for anyone involved in the surfing industry. Edward was excited to see some of the newest boards and equipment available, and he couldn't wait to start carrying a lot of it in the surf shop.

I'd just been looking over a new type of board leash that was being marketed when I heard my name being called. Only, it wasn't my name now...it was my name from then. And I knew the voice.

"Isabella? Iz?" he said.

I turned around to see Jasper standing behind me. My breath caught in my chest and it took me a moment to calm down. I didn't want to show too much emotion or reaction in front of him. I wouldn't let myself.

He looked different, but the same. His hair was a little longer, and he had put on some weight. He didn't look bad, by any means, just older and more filled out. He was still just as handsome as he had been all those years ago, and I mentally reminded myself that it had been eight years since I'd seen him.

"Jasper, hi," I said. I tried to keep my voice even, not too soft or loud.

"How are you? Wha-what are you doing here?" he asked, smiling as he gestured to the convention hall we were standing in the middle of.

"I'm here looking at new surfing equipment. What are you doing here?"

"I'm a buyer for a major sporting goods store. They send me to all these kinda things to scope out the latest and greatest products. It keeps me busy."

"That's great. Sounds like you're doing well."

I didn't know much about his life. I knew that he only saw Alice and Lucy once or twice a year. I knew he wasn't married. I knew he had another child or two out there. I knew he saw them about as often as he saw Lucy. I didn't keep in constant contact with Alice, but we were friends on Facebook and every so often she'd write to me, or I'd write to her. She told me things. I had seen her a few times over the past five years when I'd gone home to Forks. We would never be the friends that we once had been, and that was okay. We both knew that was too much to expect, but we were content in the limited contact that we had.

"Yeah, I'm alright. But you...you look amazing, Iz. What have you been up to?" he asked, grinning the same grin that had won me over so many years ago.

"I'm teaching kindergarten and working part-time in my husband's surf shop."

His grin faded just a bit and I could see disappointment flash through his eyes.

As if he'd ever stand a chance with me again. I wasn't an idiot.

"Oh, that's nice. Where are you at now?"

Did I want him to know that? As I glanced behind him and saw Edward looking at me, I realized I didn't.

"We're up the coast the bit. It's nice, and I'm happy there."

"I'm glad you're happy, Iz." He shifted from one foot to another and looked down at the floor for a minute before taking a step closer to me. "Look, I just never got the chance to apologize to you. I really messed up back then, Iz. I know what I did was-"

"Bella, Honey, you okay?" Edward said, moving to stand next to me as he slid his arm around my waist.

I smiled up at him, melting into his side. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Edward looked over at Jasper, who was almost glaring at my husband.

"Edward Cullen, I'm Bella's husband. And you are..." he said, holding his hand out for Jasper to shake.

Edward knew who he was, he'd seen a picture. He was just being polite.

"Jasper Whitlock. Nice to meet you. So you're the one who scooped up Izzy, huh?" he said, plastering a fake smile on his face as he shook Edward's hand.

"You betcha. I saw her and couldn't help myself. She's pretty amazing." He let go of Jasper's hand and looked down at me. I couldn't stop the smile and blush that spread across my face.

I loved him.

"That's great. And you're right...she is pretty amazing." Jasper's face was serious and almost sad. I wondered, for just a moment, if he really regretted what he'd done to me all those years ago. I wondered, if he could go back and change it, would he? I wondered, had he ever moved on, the way I had?

"You about ready to go, Sweetie? I see my mom and dad down the walkway there, I think they're about done," Edward said.

"Yeah, I'll be right there."

Edward turned back to Jasper. I could almost read on his face all the things he wanted to say, but I knew he wouldn't.

"It was nice to meet you, Jasper."

"Likewise," Jasper said.

Edward laughed. "I guess I should thank you, huh?" he said, looking back at me. "You gave me my life...my Bella, so thanks for that."

Jasper stood there, speechless and floundering with what to say or do.

Edward kissed me tenderly, then whispered, "I'll wait over there for you."

"Okay."

As he walked away, Jasper cleared his throat. "Looks like you're happy."

"I am. I'm very happy." I looked him dead in the eye. I wanted him to know, once and for all, that he didn't break me. That what he did wasn't still hanging over my life. "It took me a long time to get past what happened, but I did. I don't think about it anymore. I don't need to. I have everything I could ever hope or dream for, and I'm happy."

He looked closely at me and nodded his head. "I'm glad."

"It was good to see you. I hope you have a nice life, Jasper. I honestly do."

"Bye, Izzy."

I laughed. "It's not Izzy anymore. My name is Bella. I'm Bella Cullen. Bye, Jasper."

I smiled just a bit and stepped around him, making my way to the one man I would always love. And in his arms was the little man that I loved just as much

"Momma! Gamma getted me canny. Is good," he said, struggling in Edward's arms as he tried to get to me.

"Brodie, you're gonna get chocolate all over you mom," Edward said as he reluctantly let go of the little boy who looked exactly like him, and exactly like me. He was a perfect blend of the two of us, with hazel green eyes and reddish brown hair. He was beautiful, and sweet, and joyful, and perfect.

"I don't care. Come here, big guy," I said to my two and a half year old son, pulling him into my arms. "I missed you. Did you have fun walking around with Grandma and Grandpa?" I asked, nuzzling my nose into his sweet little neck.

"He was a handsome angel, weren't you Brod?" Esme said with a smile.

I laughed, smiling up at Edward as he stood next to me, grinning happily down at us.

"Der surfer guys, Momma?" he asked, pointing to the big screen which showed the surfing exhibition that was just starting outside.

"You wanna go watch the guys surfing?" I asked.

He nodded frantically, and I laughed.

As we walked out of the building, I could feel a pair of eyes burning into me. I knew Jasper was watching me, wishing it was him by my side and not Edward. But that wasn't my problem. There was nothing I could do for him. He'd made his choices, and I'd made mine, and I was happy.

That night as we settled into bed in our hotel room, our sleeping son lying in the bed next to ours, Edward rolled on top of me, his body between my thighs and his mouth covering mine. As he reached to the nightstand for a condom, I stopped him.

"Were you serious about another baby?" I asked. His eyes darted to mine.

"Yeah."

"Forget the condom, we don't need it."

His smile was interrupted by my kiss, and he pushed into me, connecting us in the way that made us most complete, most whole, most perfect. Most us.

My name is Bella Cullen. And my happily ever after is just beginning.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Thanks for sticking with me. The sweet words that have been written in reviews are like air and water to me. They mean the world, and more than you'll ever know. :) I'm so glad that many of you felt open enough to tell me your stories. You're so much braver than I ever would be. :)**

**FYI - _Outtake Three JPOV: Don't Know What You've Got Til It's Gone_ is the Jasper POV of this chapter. It gives a bit of insight to him and his thoughts about things. It's kinda fun. :)  
**

**And another FYI - _Futuretake; Babies On Boards_ it the future take, and basically epilogue, of this story. It happens about 4 1/2 years after this chapter and it ends our couple in a really good place. It made me sob. It's really pretty perfect for them. :)  
**

******I'm all teary ending this. I'm not sure if it's PMS or just the fact that I hate saying goodbye to stories that I've become attached to. Either way, this one is special, so thank you for encouraging me to tell it. :)**

**Thank you. Forever and ever and ever. :)**


	31. Outtake One EPOV In The Beginning

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is blue eyes, kinda. They're green sometimes, gray sometimes, blue most of the time. My daughter told me they aren't blue. I kinda wanted to spit in her dinner that night. :)**

**Here's the first of two Edward POV outtakes. This matches up with Chapters 12 & 13 in the story. I hadn't planned to write anything from him, but everyone was so sweet in their begging...I couldn't help it. :) Hopefully this helps explain why he was so mean to Bella when they first met. :)**

**Keep in mind, I know he gets sweeter as the story goes on, but this is the beginning. He's still hurt, angry, untrusting, and horny. Give him a little wiggle room. :)**

**~*0*~**

Edward Outtake One: In The Beginning**  
**

EPOV

I liked blondes. I liked blue eyes. I liked blue-eyed blondes. And boobs. I like blue-eyed blondes with boobs. Big boobs. I was a guy...I liked that kinda thing.

That's what I noticed in a woman, anyway. That's how Jessica caught my attention. It didn't really matter that she wasn't too bright, and she was pretty shallow. I wasn't going to marry her or anything. I wasn't going to marry anyone. Ever.

Tanya saw to that.

Marcus had me pegged when he sent her my way. He knew exactly what I'd like and what would make me defenseless.

And the fact that she could fuck like nobody's business...yeah, that was good, too.

Jessica was a good lay. She wanted it all the time, which was nice. She was easy. I needed easy in my life.

My head was still messed up over Tanya, and I'd been "dating" a few different women over the past several months. My sister Rose didn't like it. I didn't care. She had her perfect match in her husband Emmett. Whatever.

I walked into the cafe and thought I was in the wrong place. Some new girl was standing behind the counter, and I didn't know her. I knew everyone in Cayucos. It was a small town, everyone knew everyone. That's just how it was. But this girl...she was new.

And gorgeous. Totally not my type, but there was something about her. I could feel it. And I reacted the only way I could.

I was rude. Mean. Inconsiderate. Angry. Or, as Rose put it, grouchy.

That girl needed to get out of my sister's restaurant and out of our lives before something bad happened.

**~*0*~**

My sister was an idiot. She was letting the new girl move right into our grandma's apartment? What the... How could she be so trusting? Especially when she knew what our Uncle Marcus was like. She knew what happened with Tanya. Apparently, Marcus couldn't get to us through me, so now he was clearly going to use Rose. How she didn't see it, I just couldn't figure out.

I decided I'd get to the bottom of things. Every day I went to the cafe for lunch anyway, so after dumping Jessica when I suddenly lost interest in her, for some unknown reason, I sat alone each meal. I watched the new girl. I memorized her. I needed to know everything I could about her.

The really horrible thing was that she seemed nice. She seemed genuine. She seemed real.

And when I looked into her eyes, I could see something that wasn't fake. She was clearly hiding something, but what it looked like to me was hurt. Pain. Sorrow.

I knew what that looked like, what it felt like. I was living it, too. Was that her deal? What was wrong with her? Not that there was anything wrong with her. Actually, everything seemed to be right. Really right.

But that's how Tanya was, too. A little too perfect right from the start. I needed to keep my wits about me before I lost it to this girl. I couldn't do it...I had to be strong.

**~*0*~**

It was a few weeks later that things really started to go down hill fast.

Rose wanted me to teach Bella how to surf. She was clearly insane, and I said no. It felt like a million times that I said no. Maybe that was just me chanting it in my head over and over again. "No, no, no, no, no...NO!"

Then that stupid kid Jake had to get involved.

Rose seriously asked him to teach Bella to surf? Like, out in the ocean? Where she could quite possibly drown? I sat listening to him talk about how he could teach her. I'd seen him surf. He could barely keep himself above water. There was no way he was gonna keep her breathing.

The surf instructor in me couldn't sit idly by anymore. Just as I was about to say something, Jacob mentioned Bella wearing a teeny little bikini, and I nearly lost it. Visions of her wet and rolling around on the sand flashed through my head. What if her bottoms came untied? What if her top slid over and her tit popped out?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Oh, forget this, I'll teach you. Meet me tomorrow at six in the morning. Just wear a swimming suit, I'll get the rest."

We would wear wet suits. Yeah, definitely. Wet suits would cover everything. No chance of a nip-slip if she was wearing that.

I started to walk out, needing to get as far away from her as I could. Visions of her tits bouncing in the waves were assaulting me, and I had a very quickly growing problem I needed to take care of.

Just then, my sister decided to share her opinion with us all. "Really, now? Well, I think she's already got a teacher. You missed your chance."

I glared at Rose, then looked at Bella. "You wanna drown or not?"

Her big, brown eyes were wide as she pulled away from muscle head who was holding on to her. "Not."

Maybe she was smarter than I thought. "Fine. Meet me tomorrow. And leave surfer boy here. Come alone."

I had to hurry home. I was due back in the surf shop soon, but I needed to stop at my house first. All that bikini talk had given me a rather serious problem.

It needed to be taken care of before I even thought about spending the afternoon around so many nearly naked women in the surf shop.

Bella Swan was very nearly going to be the death of me, if I wasn't careful.

**~*0*~**

I handed her a wetsuit when I saw her standing on the beach the next morning. She'd really worn a bikini. Boy, was I happy it was cold outside. It was keeping my cock in check. But then I looked at her stomach...and I could see the goosebumps covering her skin. I fought back the urge to wrap my arms around her and warm her up.

What in the world was wrong with me?

She was not my type. I didn't trust her. I was only doing this because I needed to figure out her story. I needed to know what her deal was, and if my Uncle Marcus had sent her.

I spent an hour teaching her everything I could on the beach, then it was time to hit the water. I tried to be firm, commanding with her. But then I saw how her wet hair hung down her back. And how her teeth were chattering.

I wanted to warm those up, too. With my lips.

I was so screwed.

I told her to listen to me and go when I said to go. Her reply was quiet, scared. I wouldn't admit it to her, I'd never admit it to her...but she scared me.

"When you go, if you wipe out, remember to watch out for the soup and don't ding my stick," I told her.

Her eyes widened a bit, and I swear I saw them dip down to my crotch for just the slightest moment. Then I realized what I'd said. Of course I knew I was talking about the surfboard she was on, but she didn't. And a lot of guys referred to their cock as their stick.

And then I was starting to harden. Imagining her grabbing a hold of my stick, pulling and tugging at it, maybe wrapping her lips around it...

I noticed a set of waves almost on us and I yelled for her to go.

She did, and she actually stood up for a few seconds. She looked so excited when her head popped out of the water. I yelled for her to come back and get ready to go again, and she did.

She did everything I told her to do. She seemed like she was having the time of her life. She was strong and determined, and I had a really good time watching her. I even managed to get a couple of rides in myself while she was busy trying not to drown.

I worried about her, especially the second time she got the wind knocked out of her. I wondered if I'd have to lay her out across her board and give her mouth to mouth, maybe do chest compressions... My lips would be on hers, and my hands would be right there by her luscious jugs...

We needed to get out of the water.

Once we were on land, I told her we'd meet two days later. It was true, she might be sore and need the rest, but mainly I needed a day free of a bikini-clad Bella. I was dreading her taking off the wetsuit she had on. I'd helped her get into it earlier, and I had a bad feeling she might need my help out of it, too.

We made small talk on the way to the shop, but I tried to keep myself locked down. I didn't want to spill too many details in case she really was working for Marcus.

"I can't unzip this," she called from the bathroom. Just what I was afraid of.

I helped her, then watched as she struggled with the neck of it. When it was clear she was never going to get it, I moved in to do it myself.

"Here," I said, grabbing it and pulling down. When my eyes moved along with the neck of the wetsuit, I saw it.

Holy fuck, it was her boob. Her tit was totally hanging out, and shit me twice, it was magnificent. Just like I'd thought. I sucked in my breath and tried not to breath. Actually, I was trying to hold back the launch sequence of my cock, keep him from getting the signal that we had boobage, right in front of us.

It was too late, that horny fucker knew what it was. He was up and ready for action before Bella even noticed what had happened.

She apologized, I tried to play it off, she said they were nothing special, she got mad at me and stormed out, after readjusting her top. Damn it.

They were nothing special to look at? How could she think that? The tit I saw was glorious.

And suddenly I was a fifteen-year-old boy again with my first Playboy.

I stood there staring at the door, long after she'd left. There was only one thing I could do.

The shower.

We had a shower in the backroom of the shop. No one knew about it, it was just for us to use after we'd been in the water. But it would work for my problem, too.

I turned the water on hot, locked the bathroom door, and peeled off my wetsuit. It was half off anyway, and I wondered if Bella had liked it. She seemed to cast a few glances at my chest as we walked up the beach. Maybe she did. Of course she did. I was in good shape, had a nice tan. She was absolutely checking me out. That thought only made me harder.

Climbing into the stall, I let the water pour down on me, hoping it would soothe my aching dick. It didn't.

I closed my eyes and wrapped my hand around myself. Pulling and jerking and twisting it as I leaned against the wall. I pictured Bella's naked chest. I imagined her rubbing oil all over herself as I watched.

I opened my eyes, shocked at how powerful the image was, and what it was doing to me.

I cleared my throat, then closed my eyes again. This time I imagined we were sitting on a couch, watching television. She had her head laying in my lap, and I was watching her more than the movie. She laughed at some silly part, then looked up at me. I gave her a longing glance. Instantly she was kneeling between my legs, her hands pulling apart my jeans, dying to get to my dick inside.

Lifting my head from the tile, I opened my eyes again. What was this girl doing to me?

I was getting closer to resolving my problem, and I closed my eyes again.

Now she had me in her mouth, her head bobbing up and down in my lap. She took me all the way in, deep into her throat, and I could feel the vibrations when she hummed around me. My hand reached out and my fingers tangled in her hair. Then she looked up at me with those big, brown doe eyes.

I couldn't stop myself. I came so hard all over the wall of the shower, but in my mind I was coming in her mouth, and she was drinking down every last drop.

After my orgasm had rocked through my body, I stood there in the water, trying to catch my breath.

I was screwed. So completely screwed.

And was it wrong that I really wanted to be screwed by her? Like, actually screwed by her?

Oh man...I had it bad.

If only I had known then how many times I would end up jerking off in that shower to mental images of Bella Swan, in various states of undress and a wide variety of sexual positions and acts.

That girl owned me, and she had no idea.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: I like this Edward. :D I really do. :D He's kinda awesome. :D  
**


	32. Outtake Two EPOV Bella Has a Knack

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a wooden stool that I made in 8th grade Shop Class. I failed 7th grade Home Ec, because I couldn't sew, apparently, so in 8th grade, I took Shop. It was WAY more fun. :D We spent the entire semester sanding the legs for our stools, which meant we sat around big tables and talked for weeks on end. :D The stool is now in my bathroom. My kids use it sometimes, or they used to, to get up to the sink to brush their teeth. It opens and has fun stuff in it. Like a book I made in 8th grade...and a magazine with Rob pictures in it. :D I hide stuff in there, no one ever looks. :D**

**This is the second Edward POV outtake. This matches up with Chapters 22, 23 & 24 in the story. Most of you wanted to know his thoughts during the first time he and Bella had sex on that Valentine's Day, when he finished too fast and she went to cry in the bathroom. :D This is long since it covers three chapters of the story, but I hope you like it. :)**

**FYI...it's not always easy converting a scene from one POV to another. :D At the risk of making it the same thing, and redundant, I hope this works... :D**

**~*0*~**

Edward Outtake Two: Bella Has a Knack

EPOV

"Your other gift is in my room. Hang on, I'll go get it."

I sat down on her couch, in awe of the fact that she was able to find the surfboard wax I loved. I always had to special order it, and the shop seemed to sell out the first day we had it on the shelves.

I wondered what she'd paid for it. I knew it wasn't cheap, and part of me wondered if she got it at a better price than I could get it.

After several minutes I started to wonder if she was okay. She'd been in her room for a while, and I was starting to worry.

"Edward? Can you come here for a minute?" she called.

I stood up and walked around the corner toward her room, and everything came to a screeching stop.

She was standing there in this red, lacy, shiny, cut-up-to-here-and-down-to-there thing. There wasn't even enough material to call it a night gown. Lingerie, I guess? Whatever it was, I liked it.

And so did my cock. I was fully hard in about 0.37 seconds. Faster than any other woman had ever gotten me there. Bella seemed to have a knack for that.

She started moving her mouth, but her voice came out all garbled. I had no clue what she said. All I could see was her amazing tits and how that red lacy thing looked on them. I wanted to rip it off. I wondered if I could do it with my teeth. That would be cool, very manly and wild. I was gonna try it, if she'd let me.

I took a few steps toward her, reaching out to feel the dress thing she was wearing. I needed to be sure she was real and that I wasn't just hallucinating.

"What's this?" I asked, trying to tame the hunger that was quickly building in me.

"I just thought that maybe it's time. We've waited so long, and I'm ready to not wait any more."

"Bella..." I said. I wanted her, more than I'd ever wanted anyone. But it had to be right. I knew she was the real deal. She could be my forever. I wasn't going to mess it up for just a quick, awesome lay. And it would be awesome, too. One I would gladly retell over and over again when the guys started bragging about their sexual conquests. Their stories would have nothing on this one.

"Edward, I know, okay? And if you don't want to, we don't have to. I just thought...I want this day to be special, for us. And I'm not doing this because of anyone else. It's because of us. You and me. I want to be with you. I want to love you and have you love me, too. I want to show you what you mean to me."

"Are you sure, Bella?" I wanted to. I wanted her to be sure. I wanted her to want to. I wanted to fuck her and screw her and make love to her and kiss her and hold her and cry all over her.

Damn, it had been a while since I'd been with a woman. This was gonna kill me.

"Yes, so sure," she whispered.

I put my hands on her, letting them skim up her sides so that I could feel her curves, and especially her boobs. I wanted to kiss her, to make sure she knew this was special to me. She was special to me.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too, Edward."

Her hand grabbed mine and pulled me into her room. I kissed her, burying my hands in her hair as she grabbed onto my pants, keeping me flush against her. She walked backward as I stalked forward, and soon enough we had reached the bed.

I wondered for a moment, as she watched me so closely and said nothing, what she was thinking. I knew she hadn't been with anyone since that tool of an ex-husband she had. How any man could cheat on her, I would never understand. But, needless to say, I was glad he did. If he hadn't of been such a douche hat, I wouldn't have found her. And she was mine now. I was never gonna let her go.

She slowly started to undress me as she sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at me with those big brown eyes that I could never get enough of. I'd never really been a chocolate lover, but her eyes were the exact color of one of those big candy bars that Emmett always ate, and now I couldn't get enough of the sweet stuff. It always reminded me of her, of my Bella. I loved it.

I kept my hands on her, touching her and keeping myself grounded to the moment. This was real, this was happening. I almost couldn't believe my luck.

Plus, I could see right down that flimsy nightgown thing, and her tits were rockin'. I couldn't wait to get my hands on them. Or my mouth on them.

"You're so beautiful," I said, hoping she knew how much she meant to me.

She pulled my shirt off, then started eye fucking me as her eyes trailed over my chest and stomach.

"Bella," I whispered. She leaned forward and started kissing my stomach. I almost blew my load right there. Having her mouth so close to my dick...it was almost too much to take.

When she looked up at me again, I knew it was the time. It was going to happen. I was ready.

She scooted back on the bed, and somehow I got out of the rest of my clothes, leaving only my boxers on. I crawled across the bed to her, kissing every inch of her body that I could as I gradually moved closer and closer to her waiting lips.

Once I got there, it hit me. I didn't have any condoms. Just as I was about to say "screw it" and fuck her anyway, my girl said the magic words.

"Good thing I stopped by the drugstore, huh?"

She knew me so well. I just hoped she got the right size. It would really suck to be this close, and find out what she got was too small or something. Not that I was enormous, by any means, but I was decent sized. I'd never gotten any complaints, that was for sure.

I grabbed the condoms and ripped one off. Glancing at the box, I saw that she got the good kind, the kind I usually bought. This girl and me...we were so meant to be together. There was no denying that fact. Not that I wanted to or ever would.

She was perfect for me.

And that's when my worries started to kick in.

As I lowered the straps on her dress thing, telling her I'd been dying to see her tits again and how much she'd been killing me during our surf lessons, I started to doubt my abilities. Somewhere in the middle of it all, I even admitted to jerking off in the shower at the surf shop.

What was this girl doing to me? What was wrong with my brain? Shit, I was so gone over her.

I tried to forget it as I sucked on her boobs, and moved my hand down to her panties. They were really nothing more than a string and a little piece of fabric sewn to it, but I slid them out of the way so that I could get my fingers on her, and in her. The way her body reacted had me twitching, and my cock was screaming for me to let him out.

I took her underwear off, then took mine off and rolled the condom on. I couldn't wait much longer. I didn't know how many partners she'd had. I was guessing it wasn't too many, though I couldn't remember ever asking her flat out. I just hoped that I didn't pale in comparison to the other guys. I wanted to make her feel good, to make her happy.

As I hovered over her, I looked down at her angel face and I couldn't help myself.

"I love you, Bella Swan," I said. Then I kissed her as I pushed in.

Oh, motherfucking praise to all that's holy in the highest and glory, glory hallelujah. She was tight. Tighter than I'd had in a long, long time. I could feel her stretching around me, and once I was fully inside of her, I froze.

It was slightly embarrassing how close I was to cumming. I really didn't want to, not yet. Not until I'd satisfied her. Not until I'd worshiped her body and made her scream my name at least twice. Maybe three times. That wasn't too much to ask.

I pumped in and out, thrust after thrust, pounding as hard as I could, while still being gentle. This was about love for me, not just sex. With Bella, it would never be just sex. Not like with the other women I'd had over the past year.

I thought it was love with Tanya, but she lied. She fooled me. She screwed me over and tore me apart. Bella was putting me back together, and I needed to be sure she knew how much I loved her for it.

I kissed her over and over again, trying to put Tanya's face out of my mind. Trying to make myself get lost in Bella, in the love I felt for her, in how she felt around me.

As I did, I felt every ripple of her body, every bend of her skin, every curve of her muscles. I couldn't hold out anymore, and before I knew it...I was exploding inside of her.

I was horrified.

It had been a whole two minutes. I saw the time on the clock on her nightstand.

I pulled out of her and fell to her side, curling around her body.

"Ah, Bella...honey, I don't know what happened," I said. I hoped she wouldn't be too upset. We could try again soon. I knew I'd be hard for her in just a few minutes. The way she affected me, I knew my body would be up for another round soon, and I told her. I even offered to just touch her if she wanted. If that would make her feel good.

She rolled away from me, leaving me to look at her back.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it."

There was strange tone in her voice. It worried me. Maybe it hadn't been everything she'd hoped it would. And how could it when it was over after two minutes? I was such a schmuck. I should have known better than to expect amazing sex after over six months of nothing.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I told her, reaching out to touch her, even though she'd brushed off my hand just a few moments before.

She assured me I had nothing to worry about, but I didn't believe her.

"Bella, I-"

"Don't worry about it," she snapped, then sat up on the bed. "It is what it is, right?"

She stood up and walked away from me, closing the bathroom door behind her.

Oh shit...I'd just fucked everything up. Now she thought I was a two-pump-chump, and she'd never let me near her naked body again.

I rolled onto my back, my hand running through my hair as I stared at the ceiling. I had to fix this. I couldn't let her think this was how I really was. She needed to understand I was just overwhelmed by how beautiful and sensual she was, that was all. I just needed to tell her. I had to make her see, that was it. She would understand.

After several minutes, when she hadn't come back from the bathroom, I thought maybe she really was angry with me. I needed to stop things now, before she kicked me out and told me stay away from her.

I hurried to the bathroom door and just before I knocked, I heard a sob come from the other side. Oh damn it, she was crying over how bad I'd been. I hesitated, almost wanting to leave and just give her time to get over her obvious frustration with me, but I couldn't. Knowing Bella and what happened with Jasper the Asshole, she would blame herself. I couldn't let her do that.

I knocked on the door as I turned the handle and pushed it open. "Bella? Sweetie, what's wrong?"

She tried to close the door, but I already had it opened and was walking in. The way she looked caught me totally off guard.

She looked completely broken, devastated, sadder than I'd ever seen her. It had to be something more than just my lack of stamina.

"Honey, what's wrong?" I asked. She wouldn't look at me. I apologized, telling her how I'd dreamed about her for so long, and how she was just so beautiful that I couldn't help myself. When she said I had nothing to apologize for, I knew something serious was going on.

"Well, obviously I do because you're in here crying."

What she said next nearly broke my heart.

"We aren't gonna work. It's not fair to you, I should just let you go now."

"What?" I asked. "What are you talking about, Bella?"

"I'm not being fair to you. I don't do it right."

Didn't do it right? What the fuck was she talking about? I took her face in my hands and called her name several times before she finally met my eyes. When she told me she was ashamed, I was even more confused. Ashamed of what?

"Bella, Honey, what do you mean you don't do it right?"

"I don't do it right. I'm broken, or something." As she looked up at me, my heart nearly stopped. There was so much sadness and sorrow in her face. I couldn't catch my breath.

"You don't do what right?"

"Sex. I just...I can't do it right."

Sex? She thought she didn't do sex right? Was she insane? Like she could ever do that wrong. Every thing she did was perfect and exactly right for me. I told her she did it fine, and asked why she would possibly think otherwise. I just didn't understand what she was meaning.

Then suddenly I got it. I knew it. This had nothing to do with me, even though she said it did.

"He left me because I didn't do it right. And now with you, I couldn't even keep you interested for more than a few minutes."

"Bella," I whispered, then laughed. "It's not that, Bella. I finished early because you did it perfectly. You're so amazingly perfect, Bella. I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't keep myself from cumming. I wanted to, I tried to, but just...being with you like that...all the emotions running through me, I couldn't help it."

I told her exactly what was in my heart and my head. She needed to know how perfect she was. But when it was clear she didn't believe me, I knew why.

I tried to reign in my rage, but didn't do a very good job of it.

"Did he tell you that? Did he say that you didn't do it right?"

I swore then and there that if I ever met that stupid fucker, I'd kill him for what he did to my girl. How dare he make her think his mistakes were her fault? How dare he? What kind of man would do that to someone he claimed to love? I mean hell, he had just married her, and then he did that to her?

I wanted to kill him.

"He didn't have to. I'd never been with anyone else. I thought it was okay, but I just didn't know any better."

Oh shit...she'd never been with anyone else. Well, that explained a lot, actually. If all she had to draw from was what douche bag said, then I needed to set some things straight.

"Bella, believe me, you do it right. Sweetheart, if you're doing it, you're doing it right," which was true. I mean, just looking at Bella I could tell that no matter what she did in bed, it would be right. Especially to me. "Trust me. Whatever the reason is that he cheated, it has nothing to do with you. He's just an idiot, Bella. That was all his doing, not yours."

Then she told me about how he was with her. How he just had her lay there. How he obviously never gave her anything amazing in the bedroom. What kind of man did that? Not that I wanted to hear about her with anyone else, but it seemed to answer a lot of my suspicions.

Then she told me she'd actually seen him with her friend. She'd seen how he treated her friend differently than he'd ever treated her. It made my blood boil that he'd never treated her that way. That he'd never treated her with the respect she deserved. That he'd never properly loved her, not the way she deserved to be loved and appreciated.

I calmed myself down as much as I could, wiping the tears from her face as I held it in my hands.

"Then that's his loss, and my gain."

"But I just laid there with you, too. I don't even know how to do anything else. Not really. And if that's not right, then...I don't know what else to do."

"Bella," I said, looking into her eyes. "I didn't want our first time to be some wild, crazy thing. I wanted it to be exactly what it was. I wanted to make love to you, not just have sex. I wanted to show you how much I want you, Bella. And to be honest with you, I thought it was pretty incredible. At least, until I finished too fast and ruined everything."

"You didn't ruin anything. Not for me."

Suddenly, I couldn't wait to show her all the things she'd been missing. I couldn't wait to ravage her in the kitchen, to pull her into my lap on the couch, to bend her over the dining table, to get her on her hands and knees on the bed. I wanted all of that with her. I wanted to teach her things, to show her things...to make her feel as amazing as I thought she was.

"Sweetheart, you mean everything to me. And what we just did...I can honestly say that was best moment of my life. I could die a happy man right now, because I can't imagine ever being happier than I was with you, up until about five minutes ago."

"Really? You mean it?"

I did mean it. I needed her to understand that.

"Honey, before tonight, the best moment of my life was that night on the beach when you kissed me for the first time. I know I kissed you that night when I was drunk, but to me, our first real kiss was on the beach that night, one of those nights we got ice cream together. And as wonderful and perfect as that was, it doesn't hold a candle to how I felt with you tonight. The way your body responds to me, the look in your eyes and the way you kiss me...Bella, I'll never get enough of that."

She apologized, which was silly. She had nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. She was everything I'd ever dreamed of, and everything I wanted., and I made sure to tell her how happy I was with her. Happier than I'd ever been with anyone else.

When she mentioned talking to a counselor, I agreed. She needed someone to help her, and maybe I did, too. It couldn't hurt. It would help us be better, and make us stronger. I gladly agreed to go with her, and then I kissed her. Soft at first, but harder and stronger and deeper. My cock was up and ready for round two, and I asked her to wait while I ran and grabbed another condom.

I didn't even care how silly I looked running naked from one room to the next.

She asked if she could put the condom on, and I watched her soft hands slide it over me. I needed to be inside her again. Fast.

Once her arms were around me and her lips were on mine, I pushed in. And I was home.

I knew it. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I knew that she was where I was always meant to be.

She whimpered my name over and over again as I tried to be forceful, yet gentle with her. I didn't want to be too easy, I wanted to show her what she'd never had before. Her body was so amazing, and as her head dropped back, and I stared down at her tits and further down to where we were joined, as she grabbed onto my shoulders. And she let go.

It was amazing. I saw stars. I felt tingles rip through my body. I didn't even care how girly it sounded. I came hard and fast, and it was the best orgasm I'd ever had.

Pushing my face against her neck, I breathed out as she clung to me.

"I love you so much, Bella. So, so much."

"I love you, too, Edward. Don't ever leave me. Please."

"Never, Sweetheart. Never."

As if I could ever leave her now. I was tied to her. Bound. And I would wait for her as long as it took. She was worth every second of time, every ounce of pain, every moment of perfection.

She was it for me.

And I'd been waiting a long time for her.

I just hadn't really known it until then.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Ahhhh, I kinda like him. :D Hopefully that answers a lot of questions about what was going through Edward's head during that whole evening. :D**

**Thanks for sticking with me. All the errors and mistakes in here are mine, as always. I'm just cool like that. :D Which is nice, since it's currently 5:30pm at my house and it's 107 degrees outside. And my Air Conditioning is off. Stinking time-of-day-use money saving electric plan. :D Oh well, only half an hour and I can turn it back on. :D Aren't you glad you're not in my 87 degree house right now? :D**

**Thanks again, and see you soon... :) Oh, and Happy Birthday to Edward Cullen, you fine piece of sparkling man meat. I hope you know you've ruined all other men for me. I think you planned it that way...and I love it. :D**


	33. FutureTake Babies on Boards

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is a ridiculous love of green olives. They're so good... I could eat them all day. Well, them and broccoli. I love broccoli... :D**

**Sorry for any mistakes in this. I'm probably too emotional... I always get like this when I end a story. :)**

**So this is it. Last glimpse into our Bella and her Surfward. Oh crap, I'm crying again. :D Hope you like it...**

**~*0*~**

FutureTake/Epilogue: Babies On Boards

Four and a Half Years Later

~*0*~

This was a bad idea. A very bad idea.

I trusted Edward with my life. Completely and totally.

It didn't mean our barely one-year-old daughter belonged on a surf board with her older brothers.

Lani looked up at me with her bright green eyes. The same ones her father was currently staring at me with.

"Please, Honey? Come on, you know I won't let anything happen to her. Sweetheart, you let me do it with Brodie and Kyler. Please?" He was begging.

I hated it when he begged.

I always gave in.

But this was about my sweet little girl. Her ruffly, tiny swimming suit covering her swimming diaper as she happily munched on her fingers that were stuffed in her mouth. Her hair was pulled up into two curly pigtails on the top of her head, and as I looked down at her, my heart clenched.

She would be a surfer girl. There was no way around it. It was in her blood.

Her dad and brothers were out in the water practically every day. I could barely keep my little boys away from their wetsuits and mini surfboards long enough to eat their dinner or clean their room.

"Come on, Bella. You know she's gonna end up out there," Rosalie laughed from beside me. She was laying out in an effort to even out her tan while Emmett, Emmalie, and their other daughter Sasha swam and played on body boards.

Truth be told, Emmalie was old enough that she was spending more time watching the pre-teenaged boys than she was enjoying the waves. But I wasn't about to point that out to Emmett.

"Bella, come on. She'll love it, I promise. And if she starts to cry, I'll bring her right back. I swear," Edward pleaded with me.

I let out a deep breath.

"Fine. But the first cry, and she comes back here."

Edward grinned from ear to ear. "I promise, Honey. Thanks!"

He scooped up our daughter and carried her to the waiting surfboard that her brothers were already sitting on.

"You be careful with her!" I yelled to them as they cheered and made Lani laugh and clap her hands.

She looked so little out there, lying on her tummy on that big board.

"What do you think it'll be like when she's fifteen and out here in a bikini?" Rosalie asked.

I grinned. "I don't know, but luckily you have to go through it first. Twice."

"Don't remind me," she groaned. "I think Emmett's already trying to lay down rules as far as swimming suits go. When we went shopping at the beginning of the summer, he tried talking them into one-pieces, and only one-pieces. It was all I could do to find a one-piece for each of them that was decent enough to be worn in public."

It was true. I had a heck of a time finding something cute for Lani to wear. The boys were so much easier. Long board shorts in the brightest colors I could find, and they were happy.

"You know, you should tell Edward that you guys outta start carrying swimming suits at the surf shop. I'm sure you'd sell them without any trouble."

"They do, just that it's only adult sizes and only the skimpiest things since that's what the teenagers around here want," I said, shaking my head.

It was something to think about. Plus, it might be good for business. Not that we were suffering by any means.

Cullen Boards, as the shop was now officially called since Edward bought out his partner and was full owner, had four locations so far along the California coast. We were doing great, and were looking at a couple new places, too. I helped Edward out with the books and things, but left him to run the shop in Cayucos on his own.

Once I knew I was pregnant with Lani, I decided I wouldn't teach school anymore. It nearly killed me to give up my kindergarten class, but it was the best thing for my family. With three kids and a husband who traveled a couple days a week for business, I needed to be home and more available.

Plus we had the money, and I could do it. So I did.

It had only been a year that I'd been home full time, but I loved every second I had with my kids.

"Bella, you'd better grab your camera!" Emmett yelled from the water.

I saw Edward towing the board out into deeper water, and even though my heart was racing, I knew my baby girl had her daddy and two big brothers watching out for her. Not to mention Emmett and Sasha, who were with them.

I started recording my babies as they began to glide toward the beach. Each of them had huge smiles on their faces, including Lani. Her tiny hands were grasping to the sides of the board as her brothers stood behind her, their feet firmly planted and their arms out to balance them. Edward followed behind them, just in case.

I couldn't believe how amazing they looked.

After recording a few more rides, I told Rosalie to watch our stuff, I was going in.

I pulled my wrap off and waded out into the water. I didn't wear bikini's much anymore. I had too many stretch marks from being pregnant. I didn't want to scare anyone. Edward said I was just being silly, but I didn't care.

Plus, I didn't want anyone but him to see me like that. I much preferred to be in a skimpy two piece something when we were alone in our bedroom after the kids had gone to bed. Edward usually made sure whatever I was wearing didn't stay on too long. It didn't matter; as long as he loved me, I was perfect.

"Mom!" Kyler called to me. "Did you see us?" His little three year old voice carried over the sound of the waves and I hurried to his side, helping him attach the ankle leash to his board. He was an awesome surfer already, and Edward's pride and joy.

Not that Brody wasn't great, too. But Kyler...he had something special. Even at just three-and-a-half years old we could see that.

Edward sat on the surfboard, holding Lani in his lap, paddling over toward me.

"Get on, Sweet Thing," he yelled with a smirk.

I did, scooting backward until my body was flush against his, and his arms were around me. Lani sat in front of me, happily cheering and clapping her hands as we moved through the water. My boys rode by, swerving and pumping and snapping back as they went. When Brodie cannon balled into the water at the end of his ride, Kyler laughed.

"Man, Dad, these waves are goin' off!" Kyler yelled.

Suddenly I was taken back to the first day I'd spent on the beach with Edward. I remembered it like it was yesterday. And he said the exact same thing.

"Like father, like son, I guess," I whispered to him, turning my head so that I could kiss my husband.

"At least they're not goofy foot's like their mother," he joked.

I smacked his arm. "I'm not a goofy foot!" I laughed.

He pulled me tight against him, planting his lips on my neck as he kissed me tenderly, sweetly.

"Man, look at those Barnies over there in their baggies. I'm so sure, they're total kooks," Brodie said to his brother, pointing at a group of tourist kids who were just getting into the water.

Kyler laughed. "Whatever. The water's clean, dude. Let's ride!"

And with that they paddled out past us toward their next set of waves.

As I sat in Edward's arms, surrounded by the people who meant the most to me, I was overwhelmed with a realization.

This shouldn't have been my life.

My life should have been in a rainy, cold place. With someone who didn't love me enough. With a job I would have spent too much time focusing on. With a child or two who never played in the ocean, and probably didn't even own a swimming suit.

This life I had, it was a fluke. A rarity. An enigma. Something that never should have happened. And yet, as my body soaked up the sun, the water, and the happiness floating all around me, I couldn't bring myself to deny that this was the life I was meant for. These were the people I was destined to have, to be with. This was what I'd been created for.

I might have started in another place, with different dreams, but this...this was why I was here.

For the man sitting behind me, whispering into my ear how much he loved me and couldn't wait to peel off my swimming suit once we got home. For the boys on their boards beside us, showing up everyone else in the water with their surfing skills. For the baby in my lap, laughing and bouncing and squealing as her brothers rode by and splashed her.

This was the life that was mine. This was me. It was everything.

I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against Edward's shoulder and soaking it all in.

Knowing that I would have missed out on all of it, if he would have been faithful.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Few surfer terms. I love that their little guys are such surfer boys. :D**

**_Cannon Ball_ – Going into the fetal position during a wipeout  
_Pumping_ – Quick turns to gain speed  
_Snapping Back_ – Quick short radius direction change  
_Going Off_ – Very good waves, very good surfing  
_Goofy Foot _– Someone who surfs right foot forward  
_Barnies_ – An inexperienced surfer, or one who acts immature  
_Baggies_ – Men's surf or swim trunks  
_Kooks_ – Someone who pretends to be something they're not  
_Clean_ – Good conditions, good waves**

**And in case you're wondering...  
**

**Brodie - Bro-dee  
Kyler - K-eye-lure  
Lani - Law-knee  
**

**Thank you for sticking with this story, for trusting me, for saying amazing things. You'll never know how good you make me feel. :)**

**There's one more outtake after this - the Jasper version of Chapter 30. Hope you enjoy that little insight to his world. :)  
**


	34. Outtake Three JasperPOV Don't Know

**A/N: I don't own this, we all know who does. What I do own is my quickly advancing age and the fact that even though I'm almost 40 (oh crap...) I have no gray hair and no wrinkles. Ahhhh genetics...I know you've failed me in other areas (ie my two sisters who look like friggin' supermodels even AFTER multiple pregnancies) but in this, you've done me well. Oh, and my fingernails. I've got good fingernails. I'm happy with those, too. :D**

**This is the Jasper Outtake that SOOOOOO many of you asked for. The lovely _mauigirl60_ edited my mistakes in this, so thank you mucho mucho amounts. :)**

**And now, here's Jasper...**

**~*0*~**

Jasper Outtake – Don't Know What You've Got 'Til It's Gone

~*0*~

Isabella Swan.

I'd know her face anywhere. Even after eight years away from her, she haunted my fucking dreams. Every night.

I couldn't get rid of her. No matter what or who I did.

She walked right past the booth I was standing in, and I couldn't help but follow her. What were the odds that I'd see her at a stupid surfing show? She was such a klutz, I knew she didn't surf. If she'd ever tried, she for sure would have drowned.

That's one of the things I loved about her most. She could barely keep herself alive and breathing. She was so cute and helpless.

I think that's what attracted me to her first. The day she tripped and spilled her book bag all over the sidewalk—I couldn't help but stop and assist her. Plus, I got a good look down her shirt when she bent over.

That, and her big brown eyes, were all it took.

I was an idiot. Too young to know any better. Too young to know what I had.

I followed her down the walkway, watching as she stopped at booth after booth. She looked good, so good that I couldn't get the memories of our last time together out of my head. The way she'd taken control that day our divorce was finalized. The way she'd bent over the sink. The way she'd demanded I fuck her in that bathroom.

I wanted to grab her. I wanted to wrap my hands around her hips and pull her ass against my cock. I was already hard, and she hadn't even seen me. I hadn't even looked into her eyes yet.

I'd probably cum in my pants as soon as I did.

And I fully intended to look at her, to make sure she knew I was there. She needed to see me. She had to see me.

I watched her pull her long brown hair to one side as she bent over to look closely at something. Her neck was right there. I still remembered what it smelled like, felt like...tasted like. Her skin was like honey to me, and I was a starving man. Always had been, for her.

I was stupid. I made mistakes. I knew it, but I was trying. Being better. This was my chance.

I was just about to approach her when a group of people passed between us, and she moved to another booth. By the time I found her again, she was a few stations down from me. I had to wait for another chance.

She'd always been my dream girl, I just met her too early. Before I was ready.

My family loved her, her sweetness, her good heart, her intelligence, her simplicity.

I always treated her as though she'd break. Never pushing her, always being careful. Like she was glass, all naïve and young and trusting.

I didn't deserve her trust.

My mother still reminded me every time she saw me that I'd fucked up. That I should fix it. Find her. Beg her to forgive me and come back.

If only my mother knew why I couldn't do that.

Flirting with Alice had been fun, at first. It wasn't anything serious, just joking and silly and exciting. Then one night, it wasn't.

She tripped, landed against my chest. I caught her. Alice was over hanging out, Izzy had fallen asleep on the couch. We stood in the hallway, my arms around her waist, her hands on my chest. She looked up at me with her big eyes. I couldn't even remember what color they were. But I kissed her. Hard and slow and sexy. With tongue and spit and moaning. I couldn't help it.

And she kissed me back.

It grew from there. She stroked my ego, made me feel alive, daring, dangerous. I knew she was smitten, falling fast and hard. I never meant for Iz to find out. Especially not the way she did. I was going to end it with Alice. I was. I knew it was wrong, but I just needed it a little longer, a few more times.

Then Izzy saw us. Then Alice found out she was pregnant. There was no point chasing Izzy after that. My life had a different priority. Someone more important.

Alice and I tried to make it work. We tried to be a couple, a family. There was just too much hurt, pain, history there. We couldn't do it. We both knew it, but we tried. Stayed together. Went to some therapy sessions. Even played around with other lifestyles.

Nothing worked. She wasn't who I wanted.

She finally had enough when she found out about Maria. It was the same thing that had happened before. Maria made me feel good, forget my problems, get away from reality for a little while.

Only I hadn't been stupid enough to marry Alice. It was easy for her to walk away.

Izzy stood across the aisle from me, and I couldn't stop myself any longer.

"Isabella? Iz?" I called.

I saw her tense up, then turn around. She was beautiful. The most gorgeous thing I'd ever seen in all my life. It was all I could do to not fall to my knees and beg her to take me back.

We small-talked for a moment, and then she mentioned her husband.

What the fuck? She was remarried?

My heart nearly broke all over again when she said it, and I tuned out for several seconds.

It didn't escape me that she didn't want to tell me where she was living. She probably thought I'd try to track her down.

I probably would.

Just as I was starting to apologize, see if there was any hope for us, some guy walked up and put his arm around her. I wanted to punch him. She was my wife, my Izzy. Who the fuck did he think he was? Touching my girl like that?

He stood there with his hand out, after saying he was her husband. Stupid cocksucker. I hated him. He had the one thing I wanted most in life.

I hated him.

It was likely he didn't know who I was. Why would he? I put on a fake smile and shook his hand, making some comment about him finding Izzy. He was practically gloating to me, smiling down at her.

But the way she looked at him... It killed me.

She'd never looked at me that way.

Never.

I couldn't help but agree when he said she was amazing. She was amazing. So completely, totally, absolutely amazing.

Then he thanked me. Thanked me for giving him his Bella. Whatever. She was my Izzy. Always was, always would be. At least I'd never called her by some lame name like Bella. Whatever.

She looked me in the eye and told me she was happy. "It took me a long time to get past what happened, but I did. I don't think about it anymore. I don't need to. I have everything I could ever hope or dream for, and I'm happy."

I lied though my teeth, telling her I was glad. Then I watched her walk away.

Bella Cullen. I wouldn't forget that. Not ever. I decided I'd find her, I wasn't done trying. Then I saw it.

Izzy happy, with her husband...and what had to be their son. He looked just like them. And she lit up the room as she held him.

She really had moved on. She really was happy. Without me.

I watched her walk out of the building, her husband's arm still around her waist, and I wanted it. I wanted what she had. I wanted it with her, but I was too late. I'd fucked up too bad. I didn't stand a chance in hell now.

Maybe I never did.

I couldn't fix things with Alice. Maria and I were over before she even got pregnant with Maggie. We just hadn't admitted it yet. Nettie was a sweet girl, but we weren't right for each other. Heidi, Tia, Claire, and Emily were nice. Just not the ones.

Then there was Angela. I'd messed up, but maybe not too bad. Maybe I could still fix it. Maybe I could still have the happy life I wanted, the one that Izzy wished me.

I pulled out my phone as Izzy disappeared into the sunlight with her new family. The one that should have been with me. The baby that should have been mine.

"Ang? Hey, it's me, Jasper."

"Jasper? What do you want? Why are you calling?"

"I was just wondering if you'd wanna have dinner this weekend. I'd really like to see you."

She hesitated. "Why?"

I sighed into the phone. "Look, I know I messed up. I know I didn't treat you like I should have. I know I made mistakes, but I want to make them right. I want to be better. I think I can do that. Will you give me another chance?"

"I don't know, Jazz. The things you said when you left...I don't know who she is, or was, but I don't know if you're ever gonna get past that."

"I will, I swear. I want to be happy. Please, Ang? Just to talk?"

After a moment, she answered. "Okay. Call me when you're back in town."

After I hung up I made a promise to myself. I'd treat Angela the way she deserved to be treated. I'd be good, be better, stop bouncing from woman to woman, relationship to relationship. I could make it work with Angela. Make a life. Have a family.

All the things that Izzy had. I could have them, too. If I'd just let myself.

And the fact that Angela looked exactly like my Iz had nothing to do with it.

Nothing at all.

At least that's what I told myself as I fell asleep that night, my cock in my hand, and visions of my Izzy floating through my mind, her name falling in whispers from my lips.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Yeah, so Jasper's screwed up. I think a lot of men are. Whether it's a case of "Too young to know better" or "Too young to appreciate what you have" or "Having your cake and eating it too", I think a lot of men do this. And probably some women, too. Oh well, that's life. And yeah, sometimes it really sucks, especially when you want one of those types of guys. :)**

**Thanks so much for reading this story and for loving the characters as much as I have. This story was sorta therapeutic for me. No, I've never driven up or down the coast of anywhere. :D And I've never tried to surf. :D But yeah, we all have our demons. :)**

**There won't be more of this. I think this Bella and Edward are in a pretty good place. Why mess with that, you know? :) Plus the sequel idea I have in my head involves Jasper finding Bella and trying to put Edward out of business. And maybe trying to use his daughter Maggie to screw up Brodie's pro surfing dreams. Yeah...it would be pretty angsty. :D Let's just forget all about it, shall we? :D**

**Thanks for everything. It means more to me than you'll ever know...**

**Thank you forever and ever and ever and ever. :)  
**

**_beegurl13_ **


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